How to help him get help?

[LinLeeSD]

My SO returned from deployment a month ago. He is having the typical readjustment issues, but recently admitted he thinks he is depressed and should talk to a professional.

He wants to stay in bed all day, only leaving long enough to work out at the gym. He has no desire to work on his resume, but is stressing himself out by focusing on getting a job and/or not being able to find one when he is ready to enter the civilian world.

He is currently living with his parents who have been harping on him from day 1 of his return to get a job. Because the idea of a civilian job doesn't make him as happy as the work he does on deployments, DB wants to switch from reserves to active duty. His family is NOT supportive of his military role to begin with, so he isn't telling them about his plans to meet with a recruiter. I fear similar judgement by his family will keep him from taking the steps he needs to talk to a professional about his possible depression. As recently as tonight he changed his mind again and said it wouldn't be worth it to talk to someone and he'll deal with it on his own.

I do not think it is my place to step in to family matters, but I need to find a way to encourage him to seek the help he needs without putting too much pressure on him (he's getting enough, re: finding work). But, at the same, I want to express that this is the right thing to do and an acceptable thing to do. I told him all about my experiences with therapy and what it did for me, but it seems my encouragement only goes so far when it comes to his fear of what his family might say.

Any thoughts ladies? For the sake of his well-being I would appreciate any advice you can offer.

Thanks in advance.

[devev08]

I don't know what I would do if I were in your situation...I would just keep trying to explain to him that therapy would help and be the best for him if he is feeling depressed.


Good Luck

[graiseful]

It is very serious if your SO is depressed. Are these symptoms from experiences he had during his deployment? Or just things he is dealing with being back in the civilian world? I would suggest that you call militaryonesource.

http://www.militaryonesource.com/skins/MOS/home.aspx

Please encourage him to call military one source before taking any further action. They can refer him to someone to talk to and everything is confidential. Depression can be cured, and it will not affect his ability to go active in the future.

And although you are not officially a spouse, it would probably help you to also call them and see what they have to say about your situation. You can help, but this is not something that you can deal with alone. As I'm sure you already know, depression is a serious illness that can be fatal.

Lastly, although I am supportive of anyone who wants to go active duty, if your SO is clinically depressed, going active will not solve his problems. Gently encourage him to use the resources that are available to him.

I do have other resources available, if you are interested, please PM me.

[Aunt Sponge]

OP

Talk to him about it and suggest that maybe you can help him find a therapist.
If he seems wishy-washy (like most guys are about this) then you find a therapist, go and discuss this exact issue, and see if that therapist will be willing to take on your SO as a patient - and then get your SO to go as a supportive "favor" - with you.

But a lot of military guys find it more helpful to talk to more military guys who have been in their shoes rather than a book-n-no-action therapist (if you try regular therapy and it doesn't work) ... So ask around about how he might be able to just "hang out" with someone who's been there, done that.

[LinLeeSD]

Thank you for your advice. He is traveling for the next few days, and these suggestions will be easier to put into motion once he returns.

[QtKatie013]

i would strongly consider having your SO go to the VA hospital and look into their readjustment counseling. they are doing sooo much to help returning veterans, including helping them to find jobs, work on resumes, etc. i work at the VA and i know how dedicated they are to making a difference in the returning service men/women.

i really can relate to what you're going through: my SO has been back just about a month.... hasnt even looked for a job, no resume, sleeps in late, living with mom, etc.

at least your SO seems to open up to you by admitting he's depressed/wanting to seek help... what i wouldnt do for my guy to actually wanna talk to me.

i really hope things get better

[Kitten35]

We talked before he joined and agreed that if either one of us felt the other needed help or marriage counseling, we could request it and the other would go. If he's admitting it, chances are he's ready and is just a little scared. Maybe go with him as suppor.t