Post Deployment Break Up - Post Deployment

afredric · 11-03-2008, 12:14 PM

For those who have gotten back together with their SO's after a Post Deployment split...What was the main reason [or rationalization] for him breaking up with you?

BJo · 11-03-2008, 12:23 PM

We never split but we fought like cats and dogs.

afredric · 11-03-2008, 01:00 PM

Originally Posted by BrittanyJo

We never split but we fought like cats and dogs.

Did the fighting just slowly go away after a few months?

BJo · 11-03-2008, 01:02 PM

Well the first 6 weeks back from a deployment are notoriously hard. You are both adjusting to life with the other and they have to adjust to life that isn't in a combat zone. Patience is key.

afredric · 11-03-2008, 01:11 PM

Mine returned the end of August, things were hectic the first couple weeks....by the end of September we'd been bickering and fighting pretty bad but for the most part he just got scared of the way he was acting and used the fighting as an excuse for breaking up. He now won't talk to me and I've given him 3 weeks, it's killing me because he can't eve answer a text message "how are you doing?". I am angry but I understand. He said the last time I talked to him that he needed to clear his head and that I don't deserve to be treated that way. We were together 3 1/2 years, totally and completely meant for each other. He is my best friend.

BJo · 11-03-2008, 01:14 PM

I think at this point you just need to leave him alone and let him come to you in his own time. He is trying to figure a lot out for himself. I know waiting or the possibility of him not coming back is really hard but right now he needs space.

afredric · 11-03-2008, 01:18 PM

Thanks, Its just so hard not to have him around for so long on deployment, then to be home and in my arms everyday and then suddenly he doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm completely cut off, not one single friend or family will talk to me. I didn't push him or do anything to hurt him either. I hope he finds away out of the black hole he is in because if anything I just want him to be happy. He said he was just not a happy person all together....he has survivor's guilt too. Thanks for your feedback and support!

carmel11725 · 11-03-2008, 02:38 PM

his reasons were: emotionless and numb, didnt love himself so he couldnt love me, didnt know who he was anymore, didnt want to bring me down with him, couldnt be the man he WANTED to be for me, needed to work on himself.

this was after his first deployment, we were only dating at that point. it was terribly hard and he didnt want to break things off, but knew he had to. God worked in him and now we're married

afredric · 11-04-2008, 09:26 AM

Those are the exact words that he told me "Numb and Emotionless" and didn't love himself anymore so fell out of love with me but yet still says he loves me. ??? He said I don't deserve to be treated that way and he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. that was 3 weeks ago. Just yesterday I found out that he started dating someone else. I called him and he actually picked up and admitted to it. His story has now changed around to "I just wasn't happy together with you....and we just were not clicking" ......He gave it 1 month after he got back to readjust to each other and ourselves. Now he says he is happier..... 3 years together and I waited for him and did so much to stay strong and be there for him. He thinks he is happy but he is just finding another excuse to make him feel more in control of his life right now. I am so crushed I can barely keep food down. I just wish that he was a little less stubborn and really thought about the feelings that he is going through right now are common and that he needs to give himself time to readjust before reacting on his confusion.

stephie · 11-04-2008, 11:33 AM

Originally Posted by carmel11725

his reasons were: emotionless and numb, didnt love himself so he couldnt love me, didnt know who he was anymore, didnt want to bring me down with him, couldnt be the man he WANTED to be for me, needed to work on himself.

this was after his first deployment, we were only dating at that point. it was terribly hard and he didnt want to break things off, but knew he had to. God worked in him and now we're married

WOW your past experience sounds like the exact reason I just got last night...I know this might be the hardest time yet but I am choosing to stay positive and know that what happens will be the best... It was nice to hear your story to remind me to have even more hope...thank you for sharing your hard times and glad to see that everything worked out for the best...

View Poll Results: What was his reason [or rationalization] for breaking up at Post Deployment stage?
Arguing/Fighting	2	10.00%
Found someone else	3	15.00%
Numb/Emotionless	10	50.00%
Needed time to clear his head	8	40.00%
Fell out of love but still "loves you"	3	15.00%
All of the above	2	10.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 20. You may not vote on this poll

11-03-2008, 12:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
afredric Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Madison, WI. Posts: 89 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 18%	Post Deployment Break Up For those who have gotten back together with their SO's after a Post Deployment split...What was the main reason [or rationalization] for him breaking up with you?

11-03-2008, 02:38 PM	#8 (permalink)
carmel11725 Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: MCBH. Currently, Clearwater, Fl Posts: 7,026 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 80% Longevity: 39%	his reasons were: emotionless and numb, didnt love himself so he couldnt love me, didnt know who he was anymore, didnt want to bring me down with him, couldnt be the man he WANTED to be for me, needed to work on himself. this was after his first deployment, we were only dating at that point. it was terribly hard and he didnt want to break things off, but knew he had to. God worked in him and now we're married __________________ My voice a beacon in the night My words will be your light To carry you to me enduring deployment#4

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11-03-2008, 12:23 PM	#2 (permalink)
BJo Account Closed Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Your mom Posts: 25,363 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 13% Longevity: 39%	We never split but we fought like cats and dogs.

11-03-2008, 01:02 PM	#4 (permalink)
BJo Account Closed Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Your mom Posts: 25,363 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 13% Longevity: 39%	Well the first 6 weeks back from a deployment are notoriously hard. You are both adjusting to life with the other and they have to adjust to life that isn't in a combat zone. Patience is key.

11-03-2008, 01:11 PM	#5 (permalink)
afredric Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Madison, WI. Posts: 89 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 18%	Mine returned the end of August, things were hectic the first couple weeks....by the end of September we'd been bickering and fighting pretty bad but for the most part he just got scared of the way he was acting and used the fighting as an excuse for breaking up. He now won't talk to me and I've given him 3 weeks, it's killing me because he can't eve answer a text message "how are you doing?". I am angry but I understand. He said the last time I talked to him that he needed to clear his head and that I don't deserve to be treated that way. We were together 3 1/2 years, totally and completely meant for each other. He is my best friend.

11-03-2008, 01:14 PM	#6 (permalink)
BJo Account Closed Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Your mom Posts: 25,363 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 13% Longevity: 39%	I think at this point you just need to leave him alone and let him come to you in his own time. He is trying to figure a lot out for himself. I know waiting or the possibility of him not coming back is really hard but right now he needs space.

11-03-2008, 01:18 PM	#7 (permalink)
afredric Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Madison, WI. Posts: 89 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 18%	Thanks, Its just so hard not to have him around for so long on deployment, then to be home and in my arms everyday and then suddenly he doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm completely cut off, not one single friend or family will talk to me. I didn't push him or do anything to hurt him either. I hope he finds away out of the black hole he is in because if anything I just want him to be happy. He said he was just not a happy person all together....he has survivor's guilt too. Thanks for your feedback and support!

11-04-2008, 09:26 AM	#9 (permalink)
afredric Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Madison, WI. Posts: 89 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 18%	Those are the exact words that he told me "Numb and Emotionless" and didn't love himself anymore so fell out of love with me but yet still says he loves me. ??? He said I don't deserve to be treated that way and he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. that was 3 weeks ago. Just yesterday I found out that he started dating someone else. I called him and he actually picked up and admitted to it. His story has now changed around to "I just wasn't happy together with you....and we just were not clicking" ......He gave it 1 month after he got back to readjust to each other and ourselves. Now he says he is happier..... 3 years together and I waited for him and did so much to stay strong and be there for him. He thinks he is happy but he is just finding another excuse to make him feel more in control of his life right now. I am so crushed I can barely keep food down. I just wish that he was a little less stubborn and really thought about the feelings that he is going through right now are common and that he needs to give himself time to readjust before reacting on his confusion.