Shore Duty Funk?

[FC wifey]

Ok, don't know where to really put this, so here it is...

So DH was on sea duty for all most 6 years....Ok, actually like exactly 5 years... Long time! AND he was on a frigate, so they were gone ALL THE TIME.... So now he is on shore duty and has been since we PCSed in December... I feel like since he left the ship we are just... I dunno, disconnected? I don't really know how to put it. I know he misses the ship and misses missing me and the kids... I dunno, you know the tingly feelings when he comes home and the excitement... Maybe I am expecting too much, but things are just.... I don't even know how to explain it.... Blah.... Anyone know what I am talking about? Does it get better? It just doesn't feel like what I would consider a normal marriage or partnership. When he is home, all he wants to do is play WoW. We have hardly spoken since Sunday. Part of the reason is because I go to school at night when he gets home from work... But when I get home, he is too busy to talk or hang out with me... I just feel like it sucks right now....
We have never had a "normal" marriage because we have spent more than half of our all most 7 year marriage apart. Am I expecting too much? I feel like he isn't even interested in me anymore.... Yes, we have had major problems since he has been on shore duty... MAJOR, but he says he still loves me.... We are in couples counseling right now. It helps us talk about things, but I feel like we aren't getting anywhere... We have been going for months now... Can anyone relate? Just don't know what to do.... And if you have seen any of my other posts, you know I have tried to be creative for fun stuff for us....

By the way, yeah, he bought me a puppy like a week before my birthday, but that is it.... He did nothing for me on my birthday, not even a card or a letter.... When I asked him about it, he told me I was being selfish?!? Crazy or what?

[ImNoOliveOyl]

Our marriage has definately changed since he got to the shore command.. The first year was rough, because he was gone 9 months of the previous year between workups, schools, and deployment. I did the packout and all the closing down of our place all on my own and he came back just in time to drive one of our vehicles out here to SD.

He plays WoW alot to de-stress, and when it gets to be too much I tell him. I'm very vocal about how much I don't like the game when it gets in the way of real life.

Intimate things.. are also more on the "back burner" so to speak, than they were when he was on sea duty.

We've been married 8 years (3 of which have been Shore duty), and are still very much in love, it's just different.. Not bad, but not the "honeymoon" type of relationship that we were able to maintain while he was on sea duty.

I understand....

[FC wifey]

I am glad that I am not the only one... I am also very vocal about DH's playing... He also plays to "de-stress". The problem is that he gets SO into in that he often gets angry and short tempered.... I have tried talking to him about it, but he just sees it as me trying to take it away from him... It always causes an arguement. I hope things will, I dunno, work themselves out.... Our counselor tells us that many couples experience this, but all of my friends and their DH's were on sea duty...

[Victoria]

It sounds to me like you and your husband need to rekindle the friendship that seems to be lost. That was our main issue! We now have date nights at least twice a month and are really enjoying our "shore duty."

[FC wifey]

We are trying to stay consistent with date night. It's tough getting sitters sometimes though...

[ImNoOliveOyl]

Originally Posted by FC wifey I am glad that I am not the only one... I am also very vocal about DH's playing... He also plays to "de-stress". The problem is that he gets SO into in that he often gets angry and short tempered.... I have tried talking to him about it, but he just sees it as me trying to take it away from him... It always causes an arguement. I hope things will, I dunno, work themselves out.... Our counselor tells us that many couples experience this, but all of my friends and their DH's were on sea duty...

G doesn't get short tempered while playing.. he gets pissy if I "*****" too much about it..

In all honesty, shore duty is harder.. at least to me. It's so easy to be on your own.. have him there for a while, and then back out. I trust him completely and he knows he has no reason to worry, so we were very secure that way. I missed him terribly, and I know from the amount of emails and phone calls I got that he missed DD and I just as much, but the sudden switch from sea to shore is hard. Don't get me wrong, I love the consistency, I love knowing that he'll be home, and that we get time together, but having so much of it has caused ripples, it takes some getting used to.. Last year was a mix of good and bad, adjusting to the move, him getting promoted, and then going through initiation... But at the end of the day, we're together, we're happy and we're a strong, loving couple.

[FC wifey]

Originally Posted by MelissaMc424 G doesn't get short tempered while playing.. he gets pissy if I "*****" too much about it.. In all honesty, shore duty is harder.. at least to me. It's so easy to be on your own.. have him there for a while, and then back out. I trust him completely and he knows he has no reason to worry, so we were very secure that way. I missed him terribly, and I know from the amount of emails and phone calls I got that he missed DD and I just as much, but the sudden switch from sea to shore is hard. Don't get me wrong, I love the consistency, I love knowing that he'll be home, and that we get time together, but having so much of it has caused ripples, it takes some getting used to.. Last year was a mix of good and bad, adjusting to the move, him getting promoted, and then going through initiation... But at the end of the day, we're together, we're happy and we're a strong, loving couple.

Thanx... I look forward to... a little more emotion?... I don't even know... I am trying to ignore it, but I am feeling pretty down in the dumps about it...

[ImNoOliveOyl]

Originally Posted by FC wifey We are trying to stay consistent with date night. It's tough getting sitters sometimes though...

Our date nights sometimes consist of turning off all the lights, the computers, the ringers on the phone are off, and we sit together and watch a movie. Sometimes I'll make dessert for G and I to enjoy after DD goes to bed, so that we can talk.. Quality time is key.

[Victoria]

Originally Posted by FC wifey We are trying to stay consistent with date night. It's tough getting sitters sometimes though...

I know the YMCA has parent's night out once a month. Your local ASYMCA might even offer PNO too!

[ImNoOliveOyl]

Originally Posted by FC wifey Thanx... I look forward to... a little more emotion?... I don't even know... I am trying to ignore it, but I am feeling pretty down in the dumps about it...

You're describing exactly what I went through last year...