Post deployments - Update on your experience!

[my.hero's.mrs]

Where did homecoming take those of you who had your SO come home recently? Any vacations? Moves? New experiences? Share anything.

[Sonyador]

Homecoming took him back to his same station and brought me with him. We took a tiny vacation, for just the two of us. It was much needed. It's a time to relax, be with each other, and get used to the fact that he's home and not in a war zone. It helps re-build what was missed in the relationship. And then of course also brought out his issue.
Oh and a new baby of course haha.

[jen1982]

My husband came home on March 5th with a collapsed lung, after 13 months in Afghanistan. They flew him from Germany, to Andrews AFB, and finally to Ft. Bragg. He was admitted to Womack, and stayed there for 5 days. He had a chest tube in for a total of 12 days. It was heartbreaking to see, but he is doing much better now, and is almost fully recovered. After he was released , and had some time to rest while on convalescent leave for 30 days . We moved into a bigger, nicer home. That was the big thing for us. And it's AWESOME! The rest of the guys came home about a month after he did, and it was awesome to see them all return. Thankfully, because Tony did more than a year, he was still eligible to take his 30 days of block leave.

Along came block leave, which we spent mostly in Idaho, visiting with his parents, and friends, but also went to Nevada, and Wyoming. (I posted a thread in the picture forum if anyone wants to check them out.) It was awesome to get away from the south, and be around the places we love and enjoy.

I was a little afraid, because of what I had heard from other spouses and girlfriends, that once Tony came home, things were not going to be the same between us. I was afraid that we would have problems, and end up fighting, which is something we NEVER did. It could not have been further from the truth. Throughout deployment we were fine, and now, four months after his return, we are even better than we were before. Spending 13 months apart, did no damage what-so-ever to our relationship. I am super happy to have him home, have him healthy, have our relationship be as strong or stronger than it ever way, and to finally be deployment survivors.

[my.hero's.mrs]

Jen: I'm really glad to hear that your post-deployment was so positive. There are a lot of stories about many different situations out there, but truly, every situation is different. I'm so glad it added strength to what you already had between the two of you.

[my.hero's.mrs]

Post-deployment has been bumpy but not rocky or unbearable. He came home early due to a diganosis of PTSD and depression, which he's been suffering from since deployment #2 in 2005. Once I was able to talk with him (through many, many tears) and get him to realize that he needs to spend time with me and focus on a relationship & family with me first and then his friendships, he did his turnaround. I by no means discouraged friendships, but he was leaving me home alone daily with no transportation, friends of my own, money to spend or anything...and this was for hours on end.

Last night I saw a difference in him that I truly think will stick. He just kept looking at me with those "I love you more than anything" eyes. I kept asking why he was acting so funny and he just said that he wants to do a better job at showing me how much I truly do mean to him. I'm a "believe it when I see it" girl at heart, so I took this as a step, but not a guarantee. I will absolutely let him adore me to his hearts content as I do nothing unless it considers him first. Everything I do is for that man because I love caring for him and showing him how much I love him. I feel that our situation is on a road to better times rather than me crying myself to sleep often because I wanted to just go home.

.... I have to say it... I still miss my puppy dearly. But my mom loves her. So I don't think she'll be giving her up anytime soon. She doesn't want to put the puppy through the shipment ordeal. I think I'll post about that in pet pad though.

[jen1982]

Originally Posted by torie. Jen: I'm really glad to hear that your post-deployment was so positive. There are a lot of stories about many different situations out there, but truly, every situation is different. I'm so glad it added strength to what you already had between the two of you.

I definitely agree about everything being different for every situation. To tell you the truth, I was TERRIFIED of him coming home. I was so afraid that things just would not be the same, because I had seen what others had been through, and I knew that he had seen serious combat for 13 months, and even came home with a really serious injury, and a hell of a trip back home strapped to a stretcher through three different bases and posts that took 6 days.(something you can probably relate to with the early homecoming due to PTSD) It was hard not to expect things to be like I had seen them for so many others. I am so very thankful for how things have been between us.

I am so happy that you guys are talking about things, and he seems to be working through his issues. I really hope that you guys are on the road to better times, and that this will only make you two stronger.

[diapason05]

My hubbys been home since May 26th and its awesome. Our communication is SO much better now than it was before because we talked ALOT during the months he was gone. We'd have long conversations and work through stuff that we needed to... I feel like I can talk to him about anything now and I'm learning more about him.. It's exciting!! We were only together 9 months (and married) when he left so theres so much we're learning about each other still. <3

[tak913]

Thank you ladies, for posting your positive experiences. Db has just been gone for about a month, and so far so good, but like Jen said, I hear stories about how they change when they come home and things are not the same. I try to think positively, and think about how every relationship and person is different, and that so far our communication has been great, but it is still scary. It really helps to hear about the positive post-deployment stories, so thank you again!!

[Emmy]

Originally Posted by torie. Post-deployment has been bumpy but not rocky or unbearable. He came home early due to a diganosis of PTSD and depression, which he's been suffering from since deployment #2 in 2005. Once I was able to talk with him (through many, many tears) and get him to realize that he needs to spend time with me and focus on a relationship & family with me first and then his friendships, he did his turnaround. I by no means discouraged friendships, but he was leaving me home alone daily with no transportation, friends of my own, money to spend or anything...and this was for hours on end. Last night I saw a difference in him that I truly think will stick. He just kept looking at me with those "I love you more than anything" eyes. I kept asking why he was acting so funny and he just said that he wants to do a better job at showing me how much I truly do mean to him. I'm a "believe it when I see it" girl at heart, so I took this as a step, but not a guarantee. I will absolutely let him adore me to his hearts content as I do nothing unless it considers him first. Everything I do is for that man because I love caring for him and showing him how much I love him. I feel that our situation is on a road to better times rather than me crying myself to sleep often because I wanted to just go home. .... I have to say it... I still miss my puppy dearly. But my mom loves her. So I don't think she'll be giving her up anytime soon. She doesn't want to put the puppy through the shipment ordeal. I think I'll post about that in pet pad though.

Torie, I'm so happy that you are there with him to help him through this time. My husband suffered more emotional/mental wounds from deployment too, of course not to the extent of your DF. But it definitely took a huge toll on our marriage and was a big test of our relationship. We were able to work through everything together, even when we had to turn to counseling. The times you talk about, crying yourself to sleep and wanting to go home, I've been there. I think a lot of us have. It gets better I promise you. You are doing everything right, even if you don't feel like it all the time. He needs that support even if he can't always show the appreciation.

ETA: Just realized this is a couple weeks old, I hope things have continued to improve