This seems so out of character - Post Deployment

KSS · 06-12-2008, 10:23 AM

Hello all,

The thing which really is the most confusing for me with DB's behaviour is that it just seems so out of character. For instance we spoke about a month ago and he was warm on the phone, said how nice it was to hear my voice, and suggested I call him again. Since then he has not answered the phone, answered a text, or replied to an email. I finally emailed yesterday saying I'm worried about him and could he please just email back to say he'd got the email, and still nothing.

I know he's having a hard transition home, and probably has TBI and PTSD, and when I spoke to him he was just about to start counselling. But I still don't understand why he seems to be unable to answer a call or even send me an email saying he doesn't feel up to talking or what ever. He would never have acted this way before, its confusing.

jesidz · 06-12-2008, 01:11 PM

I have no personal experience to share but I think it is common with depression for them to feel unable to do the simplest tasks, like answer an email. I know I am like that when I am down, I dont answer my phone or return calls because I am just blah.

I hope things turn around for you soon!

my.hero's.mrs · 06-12-2008, 01:40 PM

Oh I'm so sorry that you are still enduring this.

Hang in there.

He definitely seems to me to have PTSD and probably even depression. I hope that he has started seeing someone for treatments, and I hope that soon, this will start turning around. I think that it's great you are still showing your support for him, and I can only hope that he comes around eventually.

I don't think its that he is unable to answer calls and e-mails, its that he just needs space and time right now. It's a tough decision but you have to be sure you are ready to support him by giving him those two things. Its a risk because you really don't know just how much he will shut people out or if the treatments will be successful, but my opinion is just to hang in there.

kimmie · 06-12-2008, 01:43 PM

I am with you on this one... my DB (prior that is) did the same thing. He has not replied to email, text or calls... I have heard nothing for over a month... there is nothing you can do but be there for him if he comes around but do yourself a favor and don't wait forever... Hang in there and I hope he comes around soon!

retrvinfool · 06-13-2008, 03:42 PM

When you say TBI (tramatic brain injury http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/tbi/tbi.htm ) did he get hurt? If he had brain injury it could have a dramatic impact on the way he is emotionally. Not everyone who has a head injry has this but much of our emotional processing center is in out frontal lobe. Read the story about Phinneus Gage http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phineas_Gage

I hope things get better for both of you!!

KSS · 06-14-2008, 10:36 AM

Originally Posted by retrvinfool

When you say TBI (tramatic brain injury http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/tbi/tbi.htm ) did he get hurt? If he had brain injury it could have a dramatic impact on the way he is emotionally. Not everyone who has a head injry has this but much of our emotional processing center is in out frontal lobe. Read the story about Phinneus Gage http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phineas_Gage

I hope things get better for both of you!!

Thanks. He says he was not directly injured but was feeling severe memory loss so they were doing the TBI tests. He has never really told me what went on out there, but about mid-way through his tour he suddenly changed - it was after a big mission they did, so I'm assuming some trauma happened then - but its just a guess.

MoMo · 06-14-2008, 10:39 AM

Im sorry that u are going through this, it sounds awful. But just hang in there and keep trying to contact him and hopefully he will respond soon.

my.hero's.mrs · 06-14-2008, 01:16 PM

Originally Posted by KSS

Thanks. He says he was not directly injured but was feeling severe memory loss so they were doing the TBI tests. He has never really told me what went on out there, but about mid-way through his tour he suddenly changed - it was after a big mission they did, so I'm assuming some trauma happened then - but its just a guess.

Is he going to any PTSD screenings? Stay strong and try to keep supporting him. If you can, maybe suggest he go to a counselor to get it all out. Maybe something did happen and maybe he needs to talk about it so that he feels better. My DB is starting Cognitive-Behavioral therapy soon for his PTSD and depression and that's exactly what they are going to do. Have him talk it all out.

I hope this gets better very soon for you both!

Strongandproud · 08-11-2008, 09:03 AM

I know what you are going through! My husband and I have been married 5 years and known each other 13 years. He served three consecutive deployments to Iraq and Afganistan and has suffered severe mental health issue as a result. It was so hard at first to understand what was happening. I thought what have I done!! The answer is nothing, they saw and did so much over there that we will never understand and to ask them to convey it to us is unrealistic. Just know that what youa re expereincing now he also feels. My husband and I are in counseling to help me better understand him and vise versa but the key was really to get the proper diagnosis pinned down. Now that I know what the problems are I am learning everything I can about them so we can fight it together. I will keep you in my thoughts jsut knwo you are not a lone and hang in there, he doesnt want to act like this as much as you dont want him too.

06-12-2008, 10:23 AM	#1 (permalink)
KSS Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 224 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 38%	This seems so out of character Hello all, The thing which really is the most confusing for me with DB's behaviour is that it just seems so out of character. For instance we spoke about a month ago and he was warm on the phone, said how nice it was to hear my voice, and suggested I call him again. Since then he has not answered the phone, answered a text, or replied to an email. I finally emailed yesterday saying I'm worried about him and could he please just email back to say he'd got the email, and still nothing. I know he's having a hard transition home, and probably has TBI and PTSD, and when I spoke to him he was just about to start counselling. But I still don't understand why he seems to be unable to answer a call or even send me an email saying he doesn't feel up to talking or what ever. He would never have acted this way before, its confusing. __________________

06-12-2008, 01:40 PM	#3 (permalink)
my.hero's.mrs Not even the Army can shatter my spirit. Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Italy Posts: 12,079 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 34% Longevity: 29%	Oh I'm so sorry that you are still enduring this. Hang in there. He definitely seems to me to have PTSD and probably even depression. I hope that he has started seeing someone for treatments, and I hope that soon, this will start turning around. I think that it's great you are still showing your support for him, and I can only hope that he comes around eventually. I don't think its that he is unable to answer calls and e-mails, its that he just needs space and time right now. It's a tough decision but you have to be sure you are ready to support him by giving him those two things. Its a risk because you really don't know just how much he will shut people out or if the treatments will be successful, but my opinion is just to hang in there. __________________

06-13-2008, 03:42 PM	#5 (permalink)
retrvinfool Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 1,872 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 9% Longevity: 38%	When you say TBI (tramatic brain injury http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/tbi/tbi.htm ) did he get hurt? If he had brain injury it could have a dramatic impact on the way he is emotionally. Not everyone who has a head injry has this but much of our emotional processing center is in out frontal lobe. Read the story about Phinneus Gage http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phineas_Gage I hope things get better for both of you!! __________________

06-14-2008, 10:39 AM	#7 (permalink)
MoMo 4EverURs Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Fort Bragg, NC Posts: 2,702 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 41%	Im sorry that u are going through this, it sounds awful. But just hang in there and keep trying to contact him and hopefully he will respond soon. __________________

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06-12-2008, 01:11 PM	#2 (permalink)
jesidz Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 62 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 25%	I have no personal experience to share but I think it is common with depression for them to feel unable to do the simplest tasks, like answer an email. I know I am like that when I am down, I dont answer my phone or return calls because I am just blah. I hope things turn around for you soon!

06-12-2008, 01:43 PM	#4 (permalink)
kimmie MilitarySOS Jewel Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Jacksonille, NC Posts: 1,129 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 28%	I am with you on this one... my DB (prior that is) did the same thing. He has not replied to email, text or calls... I have heard nothing for over a month... there is nothing you can do but be there for him if he comes around but do yourself a favor and don't wait forever... Hang in there and I hope he comes around soon!

08-11-2008, 09:03 AM	#9 (permalink)
Strongandproud Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: BLOUNT Island Jacksonville fl Posts: 2 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 21%	I know what you are going through! My husband and I have been married 5 years and known each other 13 years. He served three consecutive deployments to Iraq and Afganistan and has suffered severe mental health issue as a result. It was so hard at first to understand what was happening. I thought what have I done!! The answer is nothing, they saw and did so much over there that we will never understand and to ask them to convey it to us is unrealistic. Just know that what youa re expereincing now he also feels. My husband and I are in counseling to help me better understand him and vise versa but the key was really to get the proper diagnosis pinned down. Now that I know what the problems are I am learning everything I can about them so we can fight it together. I will keep you in my thoughts jsut knwo you are not a lone and hang in there, he doesnt want to act like this as much as you dont want him too.