After deployment: Your experience?

[my.hero's.mrs]

I'm not going to hide it...I'm worried.

I've been reading some of the posts from ladies who have had hard times after deployment ended. I'm curious...

If his attitude was fine or at least very close to the same, did you worry about him shutting you out at any minute?

Did you feel yourself wanting to be next to him every day no matter if you saw friends or not? Just you and him, spending time together? If yes, how long did this feeling go on for?

Did you worry that perhaps it felt you missed him more or that your emotions towards him were/are more intense than his towards you? How did you cope? Did you talk to him about it?

I know some of you ladies have had hard homecomings and post deployment experiences. I want to hear from the ladies who thought they were on the verge of hard times with their SO but everything continued postively.

My SO recently came home and everything is great. The first two weeks were hard because we were in different countries, but now that we are together, I physically can't get enough of his hugs, kisses, snuggles, and cuddles. I have nobody here. The neighbors in our building are Soldiers. I'm pretty sure I'm the only SO home all day while he works. So basically, I have him and only him. I knew this coming here, so I'm not complaining at all. I'm just worried that my desire to spend his extra time together is going to leave him feeling smothered. I have talked about this with him and all talks were very positive, but for some reason I still worry.

So, I would appreciate you sharing your experiences if you think you've felt the same way as I do now.

TIA!

[my.hero's.mrs]

Anyone?

[WGs_Grrl]

I just wanted to tell you that it takes time to make friends, especially in a new town, but ESPECIALLY in a new country.

Please give yourself time...Are you on a base? What major city are you closest to? One thing I can say would help is to establish your independence: job, driver's license. At least then, you know you're able to stand on your own two feet when he's away?

I am very proud of you for having the strength to move to a new place...We're here for you, dear!!!!!!!!

[Emmy]

When my husband came home things were wonderful for about a month or two. I was just so happy. Then we started fighting. I started seeing changes in him. It was difficult. But I convinced him to go to counseling and it really helped a lot. That's a pretty brief overview, but believe me it got really bad and we still managed to pull through.

Try not to worry too much about what could happen. Enjoy being around each other. Things might just really be that wonderful.

I know how you feel about only having him though. I feel the same over here

[Erin]

i've been through 3 deployments, and for the most part, each were the same when he came home.
i had been spending a LOT more time with my friends while he was gone, and he told me about a week before he actually got home, "erin, you need to tell your friends that you won't be seeing them for a while, at least while i'm on post deployment leave, and not to expect to hear from you." which pretty much happened.
after he got home, it was all about him and me. i wanted to spend every waking moment with him as i possibly could. thankfully, my friends were very understanding, as i knew they would be because they were navy wives as well.
my dh didn't really change at all when he came home. except for the fact that he wanted to be around me 24/7, which i didn't mind at all.
i didn't change ANYTHING in our apartment, so everything was the same whenhe came home, and he really appreciated that.
DON'T feel like you're smothering him. and if youdo feel that way, ask him, and i guarantee he'll say, "like hell you are!"
because i felt that same way. and my dh said... "smother away"... his exact words.
i hope i helped.

[my.hero's.mrs]

Originally Posted by WGs_Grrl I just wanted to tell you that it takes time to make friends, especially in a new town, but ESPECIALLY in a new country. Please give yourself time...Are you on a base? What major city are you closest to? One thing I can say would help is to establish your independence: job, driver's license. At least then, you know you're able to stand on your own two feet when he's away? I am very proud of you for having the nerve for moving to a new place...We're here for you, dear!!!!!!!!

Thanks! Yes, I'm looking for a new job, I can drive about on my own, I can hop a bus...etc. I have all those parts down. I do need to make friends and hang out. Its just a matter of giving myself the time. I recognize that.

Thanks for your encouragement!

[Erin]

oh and btw, i TOTALLY felt like i cared/missed him more then he missed me.
i told him that every time i was feeling sad.
and his response was... "erin, i don't have time to miss you." which never made it any easier.

[Erin]

ugh.

[my.hero's.mrs]

Originally Posted by tealeaves When my husband came home things were wonderful for about a month or two. I was just so happy. Then we started fighting. I started seeing changes in him. It was difficult. But I convinced him to go to counseling and it really helped a lot. That's a pretty brief overview, but believe me it got really bad and we still managed to pull through. Try not to worry too much about what could happen. Enjoy being around each other. Things might just really be that wonderful. I know how you feel about only having him though. I feel the same over here

I wish we were closer...

Originally Posted by Erin oh and btw, i TOTALLY felt like i cared/missed him more then he missed me. i told him that every time i was feeling sad. and his response was... "erin, i don't have time to miss you." which never made it any easier.

You sound like you felt exactly the way I do now. Sometimes I feel sad but really I just suck it up and hide it. I feel selfish for worrying that I'm driving him crazy being around me all the time. Really we do our own things. He'll play his guitar or video games, or run off to check on his soldiers, or whatever...I'll hang out here. I'll go out and walk around alone, and sometimes he'll join me. He hasn't given me any reason to feel the way I feel. That's why I know its pure worry. We go on leave in a couple of days and I plan to just let him do whatever the hell he feels like doing.

If wants to go out with his dad or brother alone, so be it. Even tho I have never met his family in my life (and we've been friends 10 years), I'll hang out alone if need be. I just am so happy to have him home....

[Erin]

Originally Posted by torie. I wish we were closer... You sound like you felt exactly the way I do now. Sometimes I feel sad but really I just suck it up and hide it. I feel selfish for worrying that I'm driving him crazy being around me all the time. Really we do our own things. He'll play his guitar or video games, or run off to check on his soldiers, or whatever...I'll hang out here. I'll go out and walk around alone, and sometimes he'll join me. He hasn't given me any reason to feel the way I feel. That's why I know its pure worry. We go on leave in a couple of days and I plan to just let him do whatever the hell he feels like doing. If wants to go out with his dad or brother alone, so be it. Even tho I have never met his family in my life (and we've been friends 10 years), I'll hang out alone if need be. I just am so happy to have him home....

seriously though hun, i'm sure he wants you around. =)))