How is everyone with a bumpy homecoming doing?

[KSS]

Just wanted to check in with everyone who is having a bumpy time after homecoming. How are you holding up? And your soldier?

As most of you know, we've had a really tough homecoming, and have not yet seen each other and only talked once on the phone (his choice of course). I'm more or less coping - still trying to let him take his time and have his space. But the whole situation is making me very lost and depressed - struggling to get up in the morning and crying at random times.

[lovehim13]

Just want to encourage you to hang in there...I couldn't even go on this site after my heartbreaking homecoming experience in March. My DB and I went on a long awaited vacation and ended up cutting it short (his request) and I returned home 3 days early (my choice). It was the worst heartache of my life...he was having a very hard time returning after this, his 3rd tour in Iraq. He needed time to be alone and space to figure out where his mind and heart are. We agreed not to have contact for awhile (his need, not mine) and I didn't hear anything from him for 2 months! It was the hardest 2 months of my adult life! I wrote a letter to him about 3 weeks into the "break", but he did not respond. Then last week he called, fully expecting that I would not even speak to him--because he DID NOT READ THE LETTER! He said he just couldn't bring himself to open it because he was afraid I was going to rip him a new one, I guess. Anyway, the best news is that we have had two conversations that lasted over 3 hours this week...and they are so affirming and encouraging. I am sooooo thankful that I was able to get through the "time and space" stage, because it truly was what he needed, and in the end it showed him how much he is loved and respected.

I truly understand how hard it is to have a homecoming that is absolutely nothing like you envisioned. Please pm me anytime you are in need of a shoulder. Be as patient as you can...pray often...and believe in a positive outcome. You are in my thoughts today...

[USMCSGTsGirl1239]

I am in the same situation as you ladies, and it is horrible, but I am making it. DB has been home nearly 2 months, and he has yet to contact me. I know he reads my txts and listens to the voice mails I sometimes leave as encouragement, but he needs time and space. He's also not contacting his parents, using the internet or checking in with his friends, except the ones who will go get plastered with him and not ask him to feel.

I have faith that he will come around, and I will wait patiently for him, after all, I promised him I would, no matter what... and after 4 tours in Iraq, three of which were horrible, he's got a lot of things to deal with. It's hard on me, I miss him, and I wonder if the great, loving guy who left will ever come back to me.. but I just have to hold on for the ride.

I think for me, the hardest thing about it is sometimes second guessing myself, and NOT having the support of people around me, who for the most part think that he is treating me like crap on purpose, and do not understand why I have not left him yet. That is extraordinarily difficult.

[rcwant2be]

just wanting to tell you ladies to keep your spirits up. i'm a bumpy homecoming survivor with my sailor.

[JustBreathe]

Ehh things are ok here. Pretty much back to normal, whatever that is. He is grumpy, but he was grumpy before he left too. I do think he needs some kind of anger management though, because his temper is definitely worse. Also, he is very impatient, and much more self oriented...aka selfish.
We are slowly trying to work things out and are going to be looking into marriage counseling.

[MikesWifey]

I have homecoming tomorrow.... hoping its not bumpy but who knows.
But most importantly I really really wish the best for all of you ladies. You are all truely blessed to have the patience that you have shown. These men are lucky to have women like you ladies in their lives, because alot of women would have given up on them already.

I will keep you all in my prayers.....

[dandelion]

Originally Posted by lovehim13 Just want to encourage you to hang in there...I couldn't even go on this site after my heartbreaking homecoming experience in March. My DB and I went on a long awaited vacation and ended up cutting it short (his request) and I returned home 3 days early (my choice). It was the worst heartache of my life...he was having a very hard time returning after this, his 3rd tour in Iraq. He needed time to be alone and space to figure out where his mind and heart are. We agreed not to have contact for awhile (his need, not mine) and I didn't hear anything from him for 2 months! It was the hardest 2 months of my adult life! I wrote a letter to him about 3 weeks into the "break", but he did not respond. Then last week he called, fully expecting that I would not even speak to him--because he DID NOT READ THE LETTER! He said he just couldn't bring himself to open it because he was afraid I was going to rip him a new one, I guess. Anyway, the best news is that we have had two conversations that lasted over 3 hours this week...and they are so affirming and encouraging. I am sooooo thankful that I was able to get through the "time and space" stage, because it truly was what he needed, and in the end it showed him how much he is loved and respected. I truly understand how hard it is to have a homecoming that is absolutely nothing like you envisioned. Please pm me anytime you are in need of a shoulder. Be as patient as you can...pray often...and believe in a positive outcome. You are in my thoughts today...

I just want you to know that I admire you! You live the unconditional love almost every couple is talking about... but so little really practise it!

I wish you all the best!

[lovehim13]

Originally Posted by dandelion I just want you to know that I admire you! You live the unconditional love almost every couple is talking about... but so little really practise it! I wish you all the best!

Thank you so much for the kind words. We all need the encouragement, don't we? This is truly unconditional love--a pretty new concept for me--but it is coming naturally with this relationship.

My heart goes out to all of the women on this site who are dealing with big and small issues with SOs returning home. I'm so glad we have each other!

[MissJasmin25]

Originally Posted by JustBreathe Ehh things are ok here. Pretty much back to normal, whatever that is. He is grumpy, but he was grumpy before he left too. I do think he needs some kind of anger management though, because his temper is definitely worse. Also, he is very impatient, and much more self oriented...aka selfish. We are slowly trying to work things out and are going to be looking into marriage counseling.

SAME HERE!

DH and I had a lot of fights over the phone before we actually got to SEE each other (he was already in the states but I had to finish up finals, and he had to do a course before he could take leave to come see me). He just seemed SOOOO COLD and sooo selfish. Well we have somehwhat worked towards the relationship we had before. ALOT of arguments happened when we visited his family in new york...i wasn't sure if i was going to make it the entire vacation! His temper is out of control...one little thing I do that makes him the slightest bit upset, he just yells at me, or is mean/rude to me. It has gotten better, but not 100% back to normal. He isn't cold at all anymore, but he is sometimes just MEAN- like if we are arguing, instead of being constructive and trying to work towards a solution, he just makes fun of what I am trying to say, or basically doesnt listen to me at all. We are slowly working on it.

[Nicki Chicky]

oh wow. i feel a bit better now. homecoming was a few months ago and intially it was great, like the first week i saw him was blissful! but after that when he went back from leave, and things were "normal" he became mean, just plain mean. he actually hung up the phone when i was in the middle of a normal conversation, later said i just didn't feel like listening to you! ouch. and no patience whatsoever and thought it was ok to yell at me like barking... these are both things he has never done. we had a heart to heart about it, and he was like yeah i didn't realize, and has been toned way down since...so thats good. but every once in a while he still slides into a meaness i've never seen before in the 5 years i've known him!