No kids, not yet, maybe never!

[mrs.s]

Hi Guys!

This is a group for those of us who have not decided to have children yet, or who aren't plannning on having them at all. This is just a place to share some of the things we go through. Like having to feel like you have to explain why you don't want kids or why you and your husband of a million years, don't feel the need to add anyone else to your family, for example. These are just some of the things I and my girlfriends have been through. What are some of your experiences? Feel free to care and share.

[kt1449]

I will join this group!

Right now, having a kid is pretty much the last thing on my agenda. I actually dont know if I will ever want to have them, though part of me says that some day I will reach that point where I want a baby. But it sure is not today! I have way too much I want to accomplish (finishing my Masters, perhaps my PhD, working for a few years, spending a few years with my husband...whenever I happen to find him...traveling) THEN maybe I will settle down and have a kid.

[mrs.s]

Originally Posted by kt1449 I will join this group! Right now, having a kid is pretty much the last thing on my agenda. I actually dont know if I will ever want to have them, though part of me says that some day I will reach that point where I want a baby. But it sure is not today! I have way too much I want to accomplish (finishing my Masters, perhaps my PhD, working for a few years, spending a few years with my husband...whenever I happen to find him...traveling) THEN maybe I will settle down and have a kid.

Thank you for replying! I feel the same way as you. I am close to finishing my bachelors and I have so many things that I want to do before I have kids. My husband just got back from a 15 month tour so I'm trying to be as stingy as possible with him until he goes for another one. I work with kids on a regular basis and seriously, that is the best form of birth control! I don't know, my husband and I are pretty much on the same page. We both are at the cusps of our careers where we are starting to earn a lot more money, and we want to just enjoy spending it on just ourselves. We are just now getting to the point where we can clean up our credit and pay off old debt, and I feel like a kid would seriously derail our plans to buy a home within the year, that's one our biggest goals. I also want to travel, see the world a bit more. For me, if I had a child right now, I think it would feel more like a hinderance than a blessing. My mom and grandma didn't have kids until their 30s, so I think I'm headed that route as well. I do look forward to being pregnant, and entering a whole new phase in my marriage and life in general. When I have kids, I want a household full of them, but I'm in no rush.

[clsmarathon]

Hey there! DH and I are not having kids for a lot of reasons. We're apart now, I want a career, and I just don't want to do that with a kid - I don't think it would be fair to the kid. Children need to be raised in a loving, nurturing environment, and I just don't want to give up my career for that. I love working. It sounds selfish - and to some extent it is - but I don't want to do something half-assed, and I don't feel like I could do a career with a kid and still have "me" time.

We want to travel more. Do more things. Enjoy the time that we have together. While I'm sure we could do that with a kid, we just really don't want to.

[kt1449]

Originally Posted by mrs.s Thank you for replying! I feel the same way as you. I am close to finishing my bachelors and I have so many things that I want to do before I have kids. My husband just got back from a 15 month tour so I'm trying to be as stingy as possible with him until he goes for another one. I work with kids on a regular basis and seriously that is the best form of birth control! I don't know, my husband and I are pretty much on the same page. We both are at the cusps of our careers where we are starting to earn a lot more money, and we want to just enjoy spending it on just ourselves. We are just now getting to the point where we can clean up our credit and pay off old debt, and I feel like a kid would seriously derail our plans to buy a home within the year, that's one our biggest goals. I also want to travel, see the world a bit more. For me, if I had a child right now, I think it would feel more like a hinderance than a blessing. My mom and grandma didn't have kids until their 30s, so I think I'm headed that route as well.

I agree! I always thought when I was younger that I would be married by now (Im 23, and currently SINGLE...) and that I would be ready to have kids by the time I was 25. SO WRONG. I see now that if I have kids by my 30's it will be a miracle.
I like being able to spend my money on myself. I like being able to focus on myself right now and getting to where I want to be. I want to, like you, be settled with a home. And right now, settled is the farthest from where I am. I want to MOVE. I want to live in and see a few states, meet lots of people. Im so restless right now, and I know how much a child would tie me down!
It's nice to know there are other people out there that arent swamped with baby fever.
I mean babies are cute, but once the become toddlers, Im not a fan! I am not creative and their crazy imaginations and such, instead of being cute...just confuse me

[mushortgurl03]

I'm joining. I'd like kids someday...but I'd like my big debt to be paid off and I'd love to finish my MBA and I'd love to start on the CPA exam process. That will take awhile. And I'm tired of people going "you're almost 26, you should be having kids! Otherwise you'll be too old to enjoy their childhoods!"...um yeah like 30-35 is old. Really.

[*skittles*]

I just don't really want one.....I'm not the mommy type.

I like being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want....the dogs put enough constraints on us without adding children to the mix.

I would like to jumpstart my career again...I can't do this staying at home ****. I hate it. I'm going nuts. I like the satisfaction of earning a paycheck, spending that paycheck how I see fit, the independence that comes with that.

Worse comes to worse, I've already told DH that I will NOT have kids with him while he is in the army. So that gives us 8 years to see if we're still happily in love and ready to start a family. I'll be about 33 and dh will be 37 and retired. That will be the perfect time for us to start a family if I decide I just neeeeeeeeeed a baby. But I'm not going to put a family through the constant moves or put children through deployments...its not fair to them, and being a single mom (even for a year) is something I'd like to avoid at all costs...especially if I'm somewhere where grandparents and family isn't nearby to help. I need family nearby to entertain the option of children.

[mrs.s]

Originally Posted by clsmarathon Hey there! DH and I are not having kids for a lot of reasons. We're apart now, I want a career, and I just don't want to do that with a kid - I don't think it would be fair to the kid. Children need to be raised in a loving, nurturing environment, and I just don't want to give up my career for that. I love working. It sounds selfish - and to some extent it is - but I don't want to do something half-assed, and I don't feel like I could do a career with a kid and still have "me" time. We want to travel more. Do more things. Enjoy the time that we have together. While I'm sure we could do that with a kid, we just really don't want to.

I feel the same exact way! It does sound selfish, but given the type of career I have, I just don't think, no I'll change that, I don't want to fit a child, on top of everything else I have to deal with, into that equation. Right now I'm able to multi-task fairly well and despite being busy as hell, I don't have a lot of stress. I just feel like, for me, and for my marriage, a kid would make life stressful.

Originally Posted by kt1449 I agree! I always thought when I was younger that I would be married by now (Im 23, and currently SINGLE...) and that I would be ready to have kids by the time I was 25. SO WRONG. I see now that if I have kids by my 30's it will be a miracle. I like being able to spend my money on myself. I like being able to focus on myself right now and getting to where I want to be. I want to, like you, be settled with a home. And right now, settled is the farthest from where I am. I want to MOVE. I want to live in and see a few states, meet lots of people. Im so restless right now, and I know how much a child would tie me down! It's nice to know there are other people out there that arent swamped with baby fever. I mean babies are cute, but once the become toddlers, Im not a fan! I am not creative and their crazy imaginations and such, instead of being cute...just confuse me

Lol, I agree, especially with the bolded. I have a lot of nieces and nephews. My husband and I babysit every now and then for our family. And it's always cute at first, but after a few hours or a sleep-over I'm ready to give them back! I see how raising children can be very rewarding, but I'm not trying to try it out anytime soon.

Originally Posted by mushortgurl03 I'm joining. I'd like kids someday...but I'd like my big debt to be paid off and I'd love to finish my MBA and I'd love to start on the CPA exam process. That will take awhile. And I'm tired of people going "you're almost 26, you should be having kids! Otherwise you'll be too old to enjoy their childhoods!"...um yeah like 30-35 is old. Really.

This. Yes. We get this sooo much. Especially now that I'm crossing over into the mid-20's area and my husband is getting closer to 30. It's like they're saying, "Oh you'll be all doubled over with a cane", when in reality I know plenty of peeps that had kids in their 30s and 40s and they're really active parents. My mom had me when she was 33, and that didn't stop her lol. I feel your pain completely, comments like that are annoying as hell.

[katiedelta3]

I'm so tired of people asking me when I'm having kids! I've been married TWO MONTHS for goodness sake!

[mrs.s]

Originally Posted by *skittles* I just don't really want one.....I'm not the mommy type. I like being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want....the dogs put enough constraints on us without adding children to the mix. I would like to jumpstart my career again...I can't do this staying at home ****. I hate it. I'm going nuts. I like the satisfaction of earning a paycheck, spending that paycheck how I see fit, the independence that comes with that. Worse comes to worse, I've already told DH that I will NOT have kids with him while he is in the army. So that gives us 8 years to see if we're still happily in love and ready to start a family. I'll be about 33 and dh will be 37 and retired. That will be the perfect time for us to start a family if I decide I just neeeeeeeeeed a baby. But I'm not going to put a family through the constant moves or put children through deployments...its not fair to them, and being a single mom (even for a year) is something I'd like to avoid at all costs...especially if I'm somewhere where grandparents and family isn't nearby to help. I need family nearby to entertain the option of children.

Awesome point. The military factor is another reason why we want to wait as well. I completely feel you on the independence factor too. I like being able to do an all out shopping session on a whim and not have to think about whether it is taking food out of my kid's mouths. The only person that is affected is DH. And it's all good in the hood.