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Thread: About to lose my baby girl

  1. Old Newbie
    Trevswife's Avatar
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    #1

    About to lose my baby girl

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    Ive been carefully watching my old lady for a while. We are getting close to needing to make some serious decisions. She will be 18 in November.. I dont want to say I have "come to terms" cause I dont think you ever really do. But the biggest issue right now is my son. He is going to be 20 in December. We have had Sedona since he was 2. Over the last few months we have talked about her health issues and the fact that we have to be fair to her when the time comes. In May we thought we may be there due to her arthritis- tried a new new drug and it worked great! In June we thought we were losing her..but it turned out to be mild pancreatitis and she bounced back. Now she is becoming more weak on her legs. Stumbling when trying to walk over things and about once a week she wont eat. I think we are talking about a matter of weeks. I cant let her suffer and I need some advice on talking to my son to get him to realize that she isnt "OK" and its going to get worse not better.

    I have never been on this side of decisions like this. I have never needed the "Permission" of my son to do this, but she is his dog too. As a child my dad took my dog to the vet and had her put down without even telling me. I have never forgiven him and I need my son and I to be on the same page with this decision. The hardest part about this is that my son still believes that I can fix everything when it comes to the animals. I have been a Vet Tech for 22 years. He has been raised pretty much in a Vet hospital as the child of a tech and has witnessed so many things that we have been able to do to save not only our own pets, but patients as well. He still has that ideal that I can fix her this time too. It will be the first time he has had to see that Mom cant fix everything with our pets.

    She has been through everything with us. I really need help on getting this through to my son that we need to repay her with the love she has given us all these years..
  2. No longer seeing where it goes, I'm in the driver's seat.
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    #2
    I would simply say there comes a time when you can't fix them and that yes it's hard but she'll be pain free.
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    #3
    Would it help if he went with you to a vet appointment where the vet laid out things? You could let the vet know ahead of the time what the purpose of the visit is, so s/he'd know to be as direct as possible. S/he likely still won't say, "yes, do it now because it is time" since vets generally won't make that definitive a statement about it, but s/he can certainly lead in that direction.

    In the end, I think that you have to do what is right for the dog through, whether your son is on board or not. At some point, you have to stop asking permission, and just tell him that you've made an appointment for Tuesday, and that if he wants to spend the last few days with her, now is the time. In fact, that might be easier for him that trying to get him to agree to it. Taking the decision out of his hands relieves him from making that hard call. It's not the most mature approach and at 20 he should be able to weigh the options and make the responsible call, but if his feelings toward the dog prevent him from doing that, you can do it for him, and for Sedona. Setting a date and telling him it is happening is far different than what your dad did when he did the whole thing behind your back.

    It's so hard. I've always thought that it is far better to make the call a bit too soon than a bit too late.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #4


    I'm really sorry.

    My family just went through this in December. My family dog had been with us almost 13 years, which is very old for a dog of his size (over 100 lbs). In his last years his hips and hind legs had almost wasted down to nothing. He was miking bi-weekly vet visits to help with his problems but things only got worse. At this point, the vets had already suggested euthanasia. We had all come to terms that it was time to let him go but my mom was not ready. One day he couldn't even get get up anymore or lift his head so she finally made the decision to call a vet over to our home put him down.

    Putting your dog down is going to be really hard. They're like family. I would sit down with your son and let him know that its better for your dog to not have to suffer anymore. I also recommend looking into vets who will do the procedure at your home. My whole family was a mess after our dog passed and i'm glad we didn't have to go through that in a vet's office.
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    #5
    My husband was just very blunt with me - he said, "You need to say your good-byes," and then when I argued, he said, "It's time." He was crying too, and I knew it wasn't easy for him, but he had made an appointment.

    We were blessed (our vets don't generally make housecalls) because when I called the office, I was so heartbroken that the vet made an exception for us.

    Saying good-bye to a furbaby is one of the most difficult experiences of my life. I am sorry you are having to make a tough decision.
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    #6
    The hardest part of loving them is wanting to do what is best for them, even when it's the hardest and most painful thing for you. Ultimately, it may come down not to getting his "permission", but more about helping him to understand a tough decision that you have to make for the benefit of the dog (meaning YOU having to just do it vs. having time to wait for him to choose it - because ultimately it has to be done when it's time for the dog even if that comes before your son is ready)
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    #7
    I was sadly in the opposite position has you the last time we had to do this, I had to make the push to put the last two animals to sleep because I KNEW they were in pain and not ok and it was just hard to watch. I was actually your son's age when we put my dog Boots down, and I will admit it was hard, but being there was something I would kick myself over NOT doing.

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