Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...
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>
> 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
> 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
> 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
> 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
> 12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
> 1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
> 3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
> 5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
> 7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
> 8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
> 11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
> Excerpts from a Cat's Diary.
>
> Day 983 of my captivity.
> My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
> They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep
up my strength.
> The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt
to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
> Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.
> There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement
was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how
to use it to my advantage..
> Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
> I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems
to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
> The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he
is safe. For now.........
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