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Thread: Dear Dogs and Cats...

  1. Senior Member
    missinghim's Avatar
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    #1

    Dear Dogs and Cats...

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    To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
    ***********************
    Dear Dogs and Cats,

    The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
    contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
    Please
    note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not
    stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
    aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
    Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
    help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
    sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch
    to
    ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when
    they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
    stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
    sticking
    tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
    maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
    If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
    it
    is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get
    your
    paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through
    the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for
    years
    --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
    butt. I cannot stress this enough!

    To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message
    on our front door:

    **************
    To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain
    About Our Pets

    1. They live here. You don't.
    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
    furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
    3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
    son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak
    clearly.

    Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
    1. Eat less
    2. Don't ask for money all the time
    3 Are easier to train
    4. Usually come when called
    5. Never drive your car
    6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
    7. Don't smoke or drink
    8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
    9. Don't wear your clothes
    10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
    11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
    Never do anything halfway unless you want to be half happy.

    Is this a dream? If it is, please don't wake me from this high. I'd become comfortably numb
    until you opened up my eyes to what it's like when everything is right...I can't believe you found me ♥
  2. Always n Forever
    kathy's Avatar
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    #2
    too cute..i must inform my animals of these rules
  3. Senior Member
    Amber V's Avatar
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    #3
    Just too funny

    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
    furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
    I especially liked this one.
    blinkies by Britt
  4. Always n Forever
    kathy's Avatar
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    #4
    i bought leather furniture to avoid that problem
  5. Live.Love.Laugh.Learn
    Sam*'s Avatar
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    #5
    thats funny and cute
    ^ tell em Sam* sent ya!
  6. Account Closed
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    #6
    I really liked that!
  7. Senior Member
    Heather's Avatar
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    #7
    that is so funny!
  8. Death Before Decaf!!
    Becca's Avatar
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    #8
    I love it!!!
    "Wine is proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin~
  9. Account Closed
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    #9
  10. ash
    i love the red sox
    ash's Avatar
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    i love the red sox
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    #10
    that is great i love the last one!
    this is like a bad movie, and i'd give it a 5 on my netflix
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