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Thread: Another hot car death

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    #11
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    When I hear things like this I usually feel that the parent or parents should be more educated and really should know better than to leave their child in the car.
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    #12
    I get it. Autopilot is a legit state of the brain and some studies have shown most people spend at least 50% of their day just "mind wandering". Being hungry, stressed, tired, distracted, etc all make it more likely for your body and brain to do it because it's a survival tactic in some ways.

    People forget where they put their keys, leave the stove on, forget to eat breakfast or other shit all the time. It's just sad that a lapse in the brain can lead to a kid's death.

    I think everyone should read this incredible story about it that came out a few years ago: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...a52_story.html
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    #13
    I honestly have no idea how a parent forgets their child in a car all day. I can understand 5 minutes, long enough for your brain to click that something's missing, but not all day. I'm sure the person feels awful, but even if my schedule is changed, I've personally have never forgotten my child in the car. I've even looked back and saw my carseats empty and had a moment of panic before remembering they're at school or with their dad/babysitter. My husband is the same as me. I try not to judge, but honestly, I can't wrap my head around forgetting my child was ever in the car. I can understand inanimate objects, foods, clothes, shoes, but a child or animal? I just can't seem to wrap my head around it.




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    #14
    Quote Originally Posted by JLTsChief View Post
    I honestly have no idea how a parent forgets their child in a car all day. I can understand 5 minutes, long enough for your brain to click that something's missing, but not all day. I'm sure the person feels awful, but even if my schedule is changed, I've personally have never forgotten my child in the car. I've even looked back and saw my carseats empty and had a moment of panic before remembering they're at school or with their dad/babysitter. My husband is the same as me. I try not to judge, but honestly, I can't wrap my head around forgetting my child was ever in the car. I can understand inanimate objects, foods, clothes, shoes, but a child or animal? I just can't seem to wrap my head around it.
    From the article I linked to...
    “Some people think, ‘Okay, I can see forgetting a child for two minutes, but not eight hours.’ What they don’t understand is that the parent in his or her mind has dropped off the baby at day care and thinks the baby is happy and well taken care of. Once that’s in your brain, there is no reason to worry or check on the baby for the rest of the day.”
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    #15
    I was going to post the WaPo article the RocketLizz did. It's a great read, and really explains how these things happen.

    When I hear about these stories, I generally feel horrified for the parents (and the child, of course, as this is a prolonged, horrible death.. I believe there was a case last year where the father did this on purpose (or at least it was stingily suspected he did, but I don't recall the outcome), but typically I am not initially suspicious, until there is strong evidence suggesting it was intentional, which there almost never is.
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    #16
    Quote Originally Posted by Sabrina22LE View Post
    When I hear things like this I usually feel that the parent or parents should be more educated and really should know better than to leave their child in the car.
    ...

    Do you really think the people are "uneducated" when this happens? It happens more than you think. Not always resulting in death, but there are several instances of people realizing kids are in the car when they get to work, gym etc and they forgot. People do forget.

    Every situation of these I hear about is different, but my knee jerk reaction is to feel awful for the parents.
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    #17
    Quote Originally Posted by rocket_lizz View Post
    From the article I linked to...
    I guess my brain is wired different. If I had any question in my brain, I'd be calling the daycare or checking my car. I'll check in with the babysitter or hubby periodically whenever I'm not with them. Then again, I have to check the stove and doors 2 or 3 times before leaving the house. I do understand autopilot, I've been on it myself a few times, but when it came to my kids or pets, I've always been able to remember I had a child or animal with me. Like, I said, I'm sure the parent feels awful and it was a legit accident. I, personally, can't wrap my head around forgetting or checking in periodically. My daughter is in school(pre-K), and I'll get a phone call if she's absent or tardy. I'm involved with the PTO as well, so I am able to keep tabs on her too.




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    #18
    Quote Originally Posted by JLTsChief View Post
    I honestly have no idea how a parent forgets their child in a car all day. I can understand 5 minutes, long enough for your brain to click that something's missing, but not all day. I'm sure the person feels awful, but even if my schedule is changed, I've personally have never forgotten my child in the car. I've even looked back and saw my carseats empty and had a moment of panic before remembering they're at school or with their dad/babysitter. My husband is the same as me. I try not to judge, but honestly, I can't wrap my head around forgetting my child was ever in the car. I can understand inanimate objects, foods, clothes, shoes, but a child or animal? I just can't seem to wrap my head around it.
    Quote Originally Posted by JLTsChief View Post
    I guess my brain is wired different. If I had any question in my brain, I'd be calling the daycare or checking my car. I'll check in with the babysitter or hubby periodically whenever I'm not with them. Then again, I have to check the stove and doors 2 or 3 times before leaving the house. I do understand autopilot, I've been on it myself a few times, but when it came to my kids or pets, I've always been able to remember I had a child or animal with me. Like, I said, I'm sure the parent feels awful and it was a legit accident. I, personally, can't wrap my head around forgetting or checking in periodically. My daughter is in school(pre-K), and I'll get a phone call if she's absent or tardy. I'm involved with the PTO as well, so I am able to keep tabs on her too.
    That's the thing though, I'm sure the parents that this happens too have the exact same mindset as you before it happens to them.



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    #19
    Quote Originally Posted by April Lynne View Post
    That's the thing though, I'm sure the parents that this happens too have the exact same mindset as you before it happens to them.
    Very true. I'm no better than anyone and make mistakes. I'm sure the families and parents are just devastated when this happens. The question was knee-jerk reaction, and this is mine. I honestly can't wrap my head around the thought of forgetting my child. I hope and pray that it doesn't happen to my hubby or myself. My husband is of the same mindset as I am and we both check in on each other if we know our routine or drive is going to be different. We're terrified of harm coming to our kiddos, just like every other parent out there, so for us we help each other out. I realize not everyone has the same system or support, I used to be very judgmental and unyielding in my stance on this issue, but I've grown since then and try to be more compassionate towards the situation. My heart hurts for the child who suffered unnecessarily, for the families that lost a child, and the parent that forgot. I'm not a horrible person or perfect. It doesn't make me any less compassionate or respectful of the situation because I personally can't wrap my head around forgetting my child.




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    #20
    Quote Originally Posted by April Lynne View Post
    That's the thing though, I'm sure the parents that this happens too have the exact same mindset as you before it happens to them.
    Yes that's exactly the point of the article I posted. Fake memories happen all the time, it's not like the parents were questioning themselves and decided "nah I won't bother calling the daycare to check in" It's pretty common to be thinking about something you NEED to do so hard that you actually think you've done it already when you haven't.

    The brain tells you everything is fine, you believe it. It's how brains work


    DH and I had an interesting (and luckily not deadly) experience with this recently. We were at a cookout with his boss and his boss gave us a package of sausages at the end of the night to take home. The sausages ended up rotting in my car for 3 days before anyone realized they weren't actually in the fridge. It was a weird series of events:
    1) getting food from someone else, late at night, is a disruption in the acquiring-food routine
    2) it was dark and we didn't easily see the package in the back seat
    3) I thought I saw DH grab a small something and carry it into the house after verbally saying something about the sausages, so I assumed it was the sausages
    4) Dh was thinking so intently about how he needed to bring the sausages inside that his brain actually created a fake memory of him grabbing them out of the back seat, taking them inside and putting them in the fridge
    5) 3 days later when we wanted to eat them, we both looked in the fridge and realized what had happened and found them in the back seat. And realized why my car smelled like rotten farts. I never looked in my backseat at all in those 3 days because I "saw" Dh carrying them inside so there was no reason to look.

    It was very disturbing to DH. He kept repeating things like "but WHY do I remember putting them in the fridge!?!" and "How could we both talk about needing to bring them inside yet both forget?!" It was a rather eye-opening experience.
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