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Thread: Father chooses son over wife after ultimatum

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    #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by KittenMittens View Post
    I hadn't even thought about this....I was more shocked by the fact that she didn't even consult him, just filed the papers. But I can see how it would turn into a pro-life debate. Ugh.
    I mean there's not a lot of room for compromise, there. So I think that makes a lot of sense. Breaks my heart that some babies are born into societies that feel that way about them, though.
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    #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Andie View Post
    I mean there's not a lot of room for compromise, there. So I think that makes a lot of sense. Breaks my heart that some babies are born into societies that feel that way about them, though.
    That's the saddest part
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    #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Serpentine View Post
    I think the most cold part is the mother filing for divorce AND trying to give up their son without making any attempt at communication with the father! I say I'd love my child no matter what, and I would, but I can only imagine the challenges. I'll give the mother benefit of the doubt on her abilility to emotionally or financially care for a special needs child. But divorcing your husband for loving the life you created? That was never true, unconditional love.
    I'm not sure that's fair. If you are raised in a lock-step environment where the only response is denial (the GoFundMe page says 98 percent of DS babies are abandoned), you may not have any conception that a significant other would respond differently.

    I imagine she is shocked, grieving, overwhelmed . . . . and it's hard to assume that she didn't really love her husband. Love is so complicated . . .

    I do not understand her decision, but I'm not willing to judge either element of it.

    In really positive news, as of the time of my post, the GoFundMe has raised $ 461,685. The father says he will be giving some (the original request was $ 60,000) to the only Armenian orphanage which takes Down's babies.
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    #14
    Quote Originally Posted by BraveLilToaster View Post
    Rather than judging her I have to wonder how much of her culture came into play in this decision. The fact that they didn't know about the baby having Downs until he was born makes me question the quality of prenatal care offered where they are at as well. The 20-ish week ultrasound, contrary to the belief of many, is NOT to check the sex of the fetus, but to check for abnormalities. If they don't have decent health care then I can't imagine there would be services or anything to aid those that are disabled or parents of disabled children. As much as everyone wants to go on about they will love their children no matter what and would never terminate or put up for adoption or whatever I can not and WILL not judge someone who does not feel the same way. The mom made the decision that a child with downs was not something she was prepared for or willing to take on and as crass as it may seem to some, that is her choice.
    This. I cannot find the article I read earlier but I did find this one Some context to the Armenia Down Syndrome baby story – UPDATED | Katy Pearce which does explain part of what the mother was going through. Many of the responses I have seen on the news sites come from American point of views. I think it can be difficult to understand how different things are in other cultures. This could also be a big factor in why the mother and father saw the issue differently. And most of what I originally read was from the father's point of view, which is different from what the mother is saying. She says he did not speak with her about the three of them moving to New Zealand where the child could would have better opportunities in life. It is hard to know what the real true in the matter is.
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    #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Sunbeam View Post
    I'm not sure that's fair. If you are raised in a lock-step environment where the only response is denial (the GoFundMe page says 98 percent of DS babies are abandoned), you may not have any conception that a significant other would respond differently.

    I imagine she is shocked, grieving, overwhelmed . . . . and it's hard to assume that she didn't really love her husband. Love is so complicated . . .

    I do not understand her decision, but I'm not willing to judge either element of it.

    In really positive news, as of the time of my post, the GoFundMe has raised $ 461,685. The father says he will be giving some (the original request was $ 60,000) to the only Armenian orphanage which takes Down's babies.
    - not really something I think can be fairly judged from outside.
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    #16
    Here is the mother's explanation:

    https://www.facebook.com/ruzan.badal...38?pnref=story

    Among other things, I note that she was asked to make a decision while she was still recovering from anesthesia. When I remember coming out of abdominal surgery, I think about how incredibly vulnerable I felt - and woooooooozy. It's not really fair for doctors (who are like God figures often) to press for an immediate decision when a person is in that state.

    Defending the Mother Who Abandoned Her Down Syndrome Baby¬*|¬*Eliot Borenstein

    The comments here are interesting, but difficult to wade through.

    I hope this family can find a way to work through a very challenging situation, and perhaps it will help highlight struggles differently abled populations face in other cultures.
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    #17
    The whole story makes me sad. I remember being pregnant with my youngest and at around 20 weeks they told me that he might have Down syndrome. I won't even lie, I broke down in tears ..... but I loved my baby already. My in laws and my ex talked about adoption and I threw a fit. That was not even an option for me. I can't at all begin to understand the mothers decision but it was her own personal decision.
    I do feel happy that this little boy has a dad who loves him and wants him by his side.
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