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Thread: Seeking advice

  1. Old Newbie
    Christine8790's Avatar
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    #1

    Seeking advice

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    Happy Saturday everyone!
    I'm sort of looking for someone to tell me that all these feelings are normal. The Navy is moving my boyfriend in a little less than two weeks, from NY to San Diego. His qualifying exam is THIS week and he is feeling quite stressed. I'm doing my best to support him and stay positive, but I can't help but feel like every second we have here in NY is more important than anything else. This is a very new relationship and the fact that he's moving across the country, permanently, is starting to really hit me. We had plans tonight and they fell through because he needs to keep his head in the game for this test. I'm feeling selfish and started to get mad at him for not immediately putting me first. I know that's wrong. I guess I'm just bummed and scared that if we don't spend as much time as possible here, things are going to be that much harder once he leaves.
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    #2
    Spending every possible second together can actually make it a lot more difficult once he leaves. Start doing some things without him and it will help the transition. I also want to add that the anticipation is usually worse than the actual thing. I am always so nervous for DH to leave, but once he's gone I get by much better than I thought I could.
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    #3
    I think feeling like this is normal, but acting from these feelings is not really helpful. Like Sabrina said, the anticipation is terrible, I think it's because you can't see how you will cope and how you will be okay and it will work out.

    It will be okay
  4. "...now do Classical Gas"
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    #4
    I’m with the other two.

    It’s not a great deal of fun to be in your position (and we’ve all done it) but it can’t be helped. EVERY job sometimes has demands that put a strain on relationships...and for the military, distance can be one. No matter how badly you want to spend every single second you can with him, that’s not always going to be possible. Accept it or complain to the universe, the military won’t particularly care which. They’ll do what they do.

    He DOES have to concentrate on things other than you, for a little while. Even if he loves you more than anything else in the world, there are other demands on his time that have to be balanced, exactly like there would be if he was in college taking his exams. If he can’t pass his qualifying exam, what would that mean for him?

    You will be all right . You’ll both find ways to cope with him being gone. You can even still be happy while he’s not near you, impossible as that sounds right now. Being far apart doesn’t mean either of you cares any less.
    If I cannot move heaven, I will raise hell
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    #5
    Remember, that you only need to post one thread on this. I answered you in your other post.
    "Obstinacy is a fault of temperament. Stubbornness and Intolerance of contradiction result from a special kind of Egotism, which elevates above everything else the pleasure of its own autonomous intellect, to which others must bow.: Carl von Clausewitz
  6. Old Newbie
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    #6
    Thank you! I realized after I double posted that I should delete one and I couldn't figure out how to do it.
  7. Fresh Newbie
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Sabrina22LE View Post
    Spending every possible second together can actually make it a lot more difficult once he leaves. Start doing some things without him and it will help the transition. I also want to add that the anticipation is usually worse than the actual thing. I am always so nervous for DH to leave, but once he's gone I get by much better than I thought I could.
    Very highly agreed..... I wish I would have known this before my DB left to training.... it's only a month so I know it's not permanent the way your situation is... but even then, he's my best friend and we had always done things together, as time for his training got closer I wanted to do even more things together with him and so did he, so we spent as much time together as we could and it was GREAT I loved every moment spent with him whether it was just a movie date or an actual adventure or just running errands... the weekend before he left I slept over and as great as it was that weekend got me used to falling asleep in his arms and when he had to go I suffered so much adjusting to sleeping alone in my bed and getting through my days without him....

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