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Thread: Need people who know how i feel

  1. Regular Member
    LifeHappens's Avatar
    LifeHappens is offline
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    #11

    yep, it stinks.

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    Missed wedding anniversaries, birthdays, funerals - months without seeing the one you love, etc. - that is part of what they and we have to accept in this life... but, it really sucks.
    However, it isn't just military where the job comes first-- lots of government workers, doctors, other civilian professionals, etc., have jobs that don't allow for personal days to be taken at will. The truth is that many jobs are, as the saying goes, "a jealous mistress" and demand all of the time and attention available leaving little left over for friends/family. If you need a partner to be there with you 24/7 - this may be a tough relationship for you.

    The difference here may not be who is right or wrong, but simply a matter of a lack of communication about expectations and the reality of what is within and beyond each other's control. Your expectation seems to be that he can be there when you want him and the truth is that will not always be possible. That is not within his control and as others have stated, even requesting it could harm his professional life but if you aren't made aware of that, you can't know it.
    His expectation may be that you know all of that and he may not be taking the time to explain it. Better communication can help the two of you navigate the waters, so to speak.

    Before my DH left last time I had to ask if he would be allowed to come back for a funeral if it were to happen, the answer was no. Turns out there was a different family member who died but he was not able to attend. Knowing ahead of time helped me accept that reality (although other things were less easy for me to accept).

    I will say that the good advice you get here will help a lot. Information is power and the more you know the less frustrating the situation. You still won't like it, but at least you will understand it.
  2. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is offline
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    #12
    My husband literally was not given a single day of leave for his own wedding.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  3. Do or do not... There is no try.~ Yoda, Jedi Master
    Crystal's Avatar
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    #13
    to MSOS. Please take a moment to read over our Everything A Newbie Needs To Know!!!thread. This is a very important sticky that will answer many of our most common newbie questions. It also has some VERY important information that every member of this site needs to read and know.
    I'm not Lynn, but we ARE MSOS Best Friends and MSOS Twins.
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