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Thread: I need support and advice

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    I need support and advice

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    Hi Everyone,
    I am a newbie. I decided to make this profile because I need support and advice from others that have gone through a similar relationship and can relate. My boyfriend is currently on deployment. This is the first time he has deployed since we have been together. I honestly have no idea what to do anymore. I feel like everything I do is wrong. I can't cheer him up anymore. He doesn't talk to me the same way he used to. It's literally as if I'm talking to a wall and when I try to confront him about it he has nothing to say about the situation. I feel like he doesn't care about me at all anymore and if I were to stop putting in effort to talk to him I feel like he would never even reach out to me to talk. I don't know what to do anymore, I really need some advice on what I should do. I just don't think I can put up with this for another 5 months especially when I feel like everyday he's just pushing me farther and farther away. Please help me get through this with any advice you have. I am just so torn between showing that I can do this and I'm
    Independent and telling him how much I miss and need him. If I tell him I miss him I usually get a very dismissive answer but if I distance myself and show less emotion he seems to push away farther as well. We aren't talking right now and I know he is going to port soon. I don't want to ruin is time off the boat by talking about all of this but at the same time it's driving me crazy and I can't keep brushing it under the rug. I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing no matter what with the way he is acting
    Last edited by JMSV15; 12-13-2017 at 03:37 PM.
  2. Senior Member
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    #2
    Welcome I don't know how much advice I can offer, I'm going through my first deployment (not DBs first, just my first with him) so I don't have a ton of advice, but I can definitely offer support as I feel ya, it can suck at times! I miss him like crazy! But I am trying to stay focused on the upsides and to stay busy as much as I can. I know DB and I had a little bit of a rough time at the beginning of the deployment, we fought (we never fight) and he was a total jerk a couple times when I talked to him, we even had a huge actual argument about me having to carry my phone on me 24/7 so I never missed a call - he was definitely like a different person! But when the emotions and ridiculousness calmed down it turned out he was just crazy stressed/worried and I was stressed/freaking out and the combination together turned out to be volatile. Once we communicated better things calmed down and went back to normal and it turns out he's the same man I fell in love with not a complete jerk. Deployments are hard, on the ones at home and the ones who are deployed! I think it's especially hard when it's your first deployment together because you really don't know what to expect, and false expectations can lead to the most disappointment!
  3. Fresh Newbie
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    #3
    Thank you that was still very good advice. I appreciate you taking the time to write back on my post and give me some support. That gives me hope it will get better lol it's just so frustrating because I feel like the only thing I have left of him is out communication and even that is not the same anymore !
  4. Old Newbie
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    #4


    Hey there, you left a comment on my first post on here so I thought I would return the favour. As we are both so new to this I don't have really much advice to give. All I can say is that you are not alone. I think deployment sucks and I am going to have to find new ways to deal with all the stresses and worries that come with being in a relationship with someone in the forces. But if you decide that he is who you want to be with then it can always be worked on and there is a way through even when it feels like the world is about to end.

    Give him a chance to adjust to being away from you. If its meant to be it will be.
    Keep your chin up.

    Here if you even want to chat...I could do with someone to talk to too
  5. Fresh Newbie
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    #5
    Thank you for responding! I appreciate the support. It's nice to have others that understand to lean on
  6. Do or do not... There is no try.~ Yoda, Jedi Master
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    #6
    to MSOS. Please take a moment to read over our Everything A Newbie Needs To Know!!!thread. This is a very important sticky that will answer many of our most common newbie questions. It also has some VERY important information that every member of this site needs to read and know.
    I'm not Lynn, but we ARE MSOS Best Friends and MSOS Twins.

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