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Thread: Lost and out off my league But Optimistic

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    Lost and out off my league But Optimistic

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    Hi Everyone,
    My name is Kathy. I am retired and ready to explore the world. Met a very nice gentleman on a dating site. He did not advertise himself as a soldier in his profile. I have no experience with military men, so I had no knowledge about the military. He said he was retiring and coming home after 29 years and he would be home in months. I am an older woman with lots of experience so trusting easily is not one of them. I was a successful career woman only looking for companionship and a travel partner to embark on the next chapter of my life. He was in the middle east and we would email when he was able. To make this short, I changed email address, we lost contact and it's been two and a half years. He would be moving back to our home town after retiring, I have not heard from him in all that time. I am angry with myself because he was very happy and thought it was faith that our paths crossed. He wanted to talk about the future but I thought we should wait until he got home to make sure we had a true connection, However, I have never met such a respectable caring kind man. I have fallen for him. I had stay away from relationships for a long time for the fear of getting hurt and it has happened any way. No one in my life believe that he is real or that I will ever see him so I have not been able to talk about him in two and a half years. My family think I am crazy so I can't say anything about him. But I know the things we talked about could not have been made up. Unfortunately, I did not know I needed to know his military credentials to track him down, so that never came up in our discussions. He was coming home! So we would chat on Yahoo when he could sometimes it would be as long as ten days if he went on a mission. I just don't know what to think. I don't know if I am waiting in vain? Very confused and fustrated. Am I really being foolish (I don't believe so) It really takes a lot to impress me so I am thankful for the service he is providing for us all but I need none of the military perks or other things I have been reading about. I am glad I met him at this stage of my !ife because I could not have been a military wife through multiple deployments, If anyone has any words of encouragement I would value your input. Thanks, Kathy
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    #2
    This is very sweet! I hope you're able to track him down! Do you still have access to that other email account? Do you remember his email? Maybe you can find him via Facebook?

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    #3
    So at this point you still haven't found him or heard from him in 2.5 years? Sounds like a scammer, I'm sorry. The phrasing is EXTREMELY common (retiring soon, moving to your hometown soonish, etc). There have been at least a handful of times here on this site that women were approached online with almost this exact scenario.

    If you've googled his name and checked facebook for him and can't find anything, he likely never existed.
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    He hasn't been on Facebook in over six years. He told me he was devorced. After talking to him for a while and seeing what a gentleman he was, I told him to come clean and tell me what he did for anyone to give him up? He said it was a long story but he had been deployed three times to the Middle East and his wife was not supportive of his career and she had multiple affairs.
    At that time I said, Wha happen to the for better or worst and supporting your spouse. He said, you are the kind of woman I should have married! I said, I was not wanting any relationship then. No plans of marriage😊. I now understand how hard it was for her. I would never ever cheat on my husband but I get how difficult the unknown is. No communication in a year and a half is a lot to handle. I ever find him I might reconsider my feeling are so strong for him. I feel like we knew each other in another life he was so easy to talk too. Long story but At&t will not give me access to the account because they over charged me and I will not pay them so all of my information was seized. I know he must be wondering what happen to me as I am wondering what happened to him and worrying myself to deathad hoping that he didn't get hurt. Thank you for replying.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kfranci1 View Post
    He hasn't been on Facebook in over six years. He told me he was devorced. After talking to him for a while and seeing what a gentleman he was, I told him to come clean and tell me what he did for anyone to give him up? He said it was a long story but he had been deployed three times to the Middle East and his wife was not supportive of his career and she had multiple affairs.
    At that time I said, Wha happen to the for better or worst and supporting your spouse. He said, you are the kind of woman I should have married! I said, I was not wanting any relationship then. No plans of marriage��. I now understand how hard it was for her. I would never ever cheat on my husband but I get how difficult the unknown is. No communication in a year and a half is a lot to handle. I ever find him I might reconsider my feeling are so strong for him. I feel like we knew each other in another life he was so easy to talk too. Long story but At&t will not give me access to the account because they over charged me and I will not pay them so all of my information was seized. I know he must be wondering what happen to me as I am wondering what happened to him and worrying myself to deathad hoping that he didn't get hurt. Thank you for replying.
    Divorce records are public. If you know his full name, you should be able to google him. Did he ever email you from a .mil email address? If you know his rank & name, you can google that too.

    I really think you should stop worrying and move on....that's a lot of time you've spent sitting and waiting, and it's not at all realistic to keep living like this. Even if he was real, he could have found you when he moved home, or he could have googled you to find another way to contact you. At this point your connection is a fantasy, because there actually hasn't been any communication in so long, it's just what you imagine, not what's real between you and him. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but you shouldn't feel so stuck in life due to a fake person who scams women online.
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    I did an identity check from the information given. Ex's name, child's name etc. The first time it was nine months. Then I did hear from him last March and he said got hurt in a mission that went wrong which has delayed him. We communicated for another three weeks. My family was not happy since it made me upset. He said he would not contact me again until he got home because he didn't want to cause me any more pain than he had already. I told him he would not stop communicating with me but that's when communication broke down on my side. Truthfully, I am an independent woman that would be already gone but I have spoken to about ten different physics that asure me that it appears like a scam but he is very and he will come. Some emotional issues with the mission and other things has caused his delay. So I don't think so many of them could be wrong. Three years is my limit however.
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    He did email from it because he wasn't able to get into the paid site ever often with his duties but the lap top I used died and that was the email address seized. I will do what you said. I called the army and they found what I was given but the rank was different so I couldn't think of anything else to do.
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    #8
    Sounds like a scam.
    - retiring soon to your area
    - divorced because wife cheated on him while he was deployed
    - hurt on mission which delayed him from returning

    There may very well be a person in the military with the name he gave you. That doesn't mean you were communicating with that person. It is not uncommon for scams to be run using a real military person's name and background.
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    #9
    While I think the words of caution about a possible scam should really be taken seriously, it doesn't sound like you're willing to do so. In that case, if you're looking for advice/encouragement about locating this person after 2.5 years, it seems you've exhausted all possible leads for the time being. Even if he doesn't have Facebook, it's nearly impossible for someone to avoid having any internet presence in this day and age. If you have any pictures of him, I'd encourage you to try a reverse Google image search.

    It would be extremely unusual for him to be deployed for what sounds like close to 4 years straight, so it would be safe to assume he's home by now. If he has any of your identifying information (even just your full name), he would be just as capable as you of trying to track someone down. To be brutally honest, if he hasn't, it means either he hasn't bothered to try, or he doesn't want to reestablish contact after having located you. In either event, his behavior indicates that he at least nowhere near reciprocates the level of your feelings at this point.

    I understand that you don't feel that you're particularly vulnerable to a scammer, since you don't feel that you "need" anything from this person (financially/support speaking), but not all scamming is financial- some catfishers are strictly emotional thieves.
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    #10
    Thank you.
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