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Thread: Advice for "just girlfriend" 1st deployment

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    Advice for "just girlfriend" 1st deployment

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    It's going to be my boyfriends first deployment coming up he is going to Kuwait. He is paying off college so he doesn't have the money to get me an engagement ring before he goes. I am not listed as his emergency contacts or on any of his deployment papers at all. I don't know why it irritates me so much but it does. What should I expect for the day he deploys and comes back? Will I be allowed to see him the day he leaves as well as the day he comes home?Also his mother believes that she comes first and that I have plenty of time to see him days after he comes back since we live together, she's made my place pretty clear. Thanks in advance
    - the "just girlfriend"
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    As far as being able to see him the day he leaves and comes home depends on the base/post and commands. The morning my husband deployed families were not allowed in the building before take off (squadron and my husband was on a bird). They didn't want us there cause they didn't want our spouses to see us as they were taking off. But as far as ships and stuff (navy here) families could stick around. As far as who could come one varies. The arrival day everyone had to get on a list to have base access to welcome home. Now some could access with help of friends (fellow spouses who have base access) others on a list.

    As far as mom.....well that is always a hard one to deal with. We never really had that problem since mom has normally been across the country for most my husbands career. I always let him make the choice on things as to who does things and all. Anything my husband does I always put his parents first but than again we don't see them that often. So it might just take a bit. She raised him and now he is having big life experience and its hard sometimes for moms. Think about it if it was your son. So just give it a bit.
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    1st deployment

    Hiii thank you for taking time to read this. My boyfriend is going on his first deployment to Kuwait. I sadly am just a girlfriend until he has money to purpose (college loans are the priority) we have been living together for two years now but he didn't put me as an emergency contact or anything on all his deployment papers. Will I be able to see him the day he deploys and the day he returns? His mom believes she comes first and basically I take her son away so she wants nothing to do with me claims I will have enough time to see him once he's back. So I'm wondering will I be able to be at his deployment and his return?
    Thanks the just "girlfriend"
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    Thank you so much for your advice, I appreciate it so much. I guess I'm just stressed about everything and I'm not ready to go from sleeping with him every night for two years to not seeing him for 10 months. I appreciate your support! Xox
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    Quote Originally Posted by lyssxo View Post
    It's going to be my boyfriends first deployment coming up he is going to Kuwait. He is paying off college so he doesn't have the money to get me an engagement ring before he goes. I am not listed as his emergency contacts or on any of his deployment papers at all. I don't know why it irritates me so much but it does. What should I expect for the day he deploys and comes back? Will I be allowed to see him the day he leaves as well as the day he comes home?Also his mother believes that she comes first and that I have plenty of time to see him days after he comes back since we live together, she's made my place pretty clear. Thanks in advance
    - the "just girlfriend"
    I have the MIL from hell. it sounds like yours has some of the same traits. although I do agree, it is her son and that's got to be hard, it's also natural for boys to grow into men and put significant others high on their priority list.
    The only advice I can give, is that he needs to be the one to set boundaries with his mother.

    As far as getting to be there on the day he leaves/ when he gets back, I have no experience with this. I used to fly out to San Diego and wait at a Starbucks until the ship came in and after they were dismissed so he could come get me. this left me waiting there alllllll day.
    I hope your experience is easier than that.
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    In my opinion, being a military girlfriend is way harder than being a military wife. I was a military girlfriend for 2 years before my husband and I got married, and I know it's hard, especially when living together. You still have to go through all the loneliness and worry that comes with deployment, all the while the military looks at you as if you're nothing and you have no rights. I always hated that feeling. I loved my husband just as much then as I do now, after being married. Also, I commend you for waiting until you're ready to get married, as I have seen SO many people get married just for the BAH and the benefits and all that
    Secondly, and it may be a little late for me saying this, but if I were you I would have made a fuss about him not putting you on his emergency contact list. I would want to be alerted if something happened.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by lyssxo View Post
    I am not listed as his emergency contacts or on any of his deployment papers at all.
    That is all on him. Did he tell you why he did not list you?
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    Quote Originally Posted by neilamoon View Post
    In my opinion, being a military girlfriend is way harder than being a military wife. I was a military girlfriend for 2 years before my husband and I got married, and I know it's hard, especially when living together. You still have to go through all the loneliness and worry that comes with deployment, all the while the military looks at you as if you're nothing and you have no rights. I always hated that feeling. I loved my husband just as much then as I do now, after being married. Also, I commend you for waiting until you're ready to get married, as I have seen SO many people get married just for the BAH and the benefits and all that
    Secondly, and it may be a little late for me saying this, but if I were you I would have made a fuss about him not putting you on his emergency contact list. I would want to be alerted if something happened.

    Thank you so much! Thankfully I have a stable job which could easily pay off his little bit of loans he has prior to joining the guard but he has a weird sense of "pride for me paying them" but when we get married his debt will be mine. He said he just thought of putting his mom and dad instead of me which I get and respect but it still hurts!! I appreciate your time xox thanks for the reassurance!
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    Does he want you to be there? His mom's feelings don't matter, unless he lets them. Have you asked him this question? He would know the details of his deployment circumstances better than any of us, and also his plans and feelings on the subject.

    You would probably need base access (assuming her returns to a base), and generally he can grant that to whomever he wants.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    Quote Originally Posted by lyssxo View Post
    Thank you so much! Thankfully I have a stable job which could easily pay off his little bit of loans he has prior to joining the guard but he has a weird sense of "pride for me paying them" but when we get married his debt will be mine. He said he just thought of putting his mom and dad instead of me which I get and respect but it still hurts!! I appreciate your time xox thanks for the reassurance!
    I believe a service member can update his emergency contact info at any time, meaning he could add you if he wanted to.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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