Help needed - a call out to mothers of soldiers

[Kathy001]

I need help - how do I ask a question to other mothers of deployed service members?

My son is getting ready to deploy and he hasn't returning my calls for three weeks now - how do I get advice from other mothers? My daugher says he is stressed out and since he has been blowing off my phone calls and text messages for a while now - he isn't calling because he thinks I'm mad (which I am - - at least hurt over this). I've always been supportive but he acts angry towards me and I don't understand. Do other soldiers pull back from family when they are getting ready to deploy?

[decks]

Yes...this is normal before deployment. I would just keep leaving messages for him telling him that you love him.

[His*PITA*]

Pulling away is the most common response/coping mechanism that someone who is getting ready to deploy does. They are getting ready to leave all their loved ones behind and its easier to do that (in their minds) by distancing themselves, sometimes starting fights or angering the ones close to them so that its easier to leave....

Im sorry your going through this, the best thing you can do its just show him that you love and support him, but you have to give him the chance to come to you

[Amber]

Originally Posted by decks Yes...this is normal before deployment. I would just keep leaving messages for him telling him that you love him.

Well, leave a few, but try not to leave them every day. It gets overwhelming. Try not to be angry on the voicemails either. He will come around, just give it time.

[His*PITA*]

Originally Posted by Amber Well, leave a few, but try not to leave them every day. It gets overwhelming. Try not to be angry on the voicemails either. He will come around, just give it time.

Its understandable that you want to talk to him, be close to him, and all that kind of stuff, but over-doing it may keep him closed off longer

[NicoleLK23]

Hi, I'm a girlfriend but I'm very close to my boyfriend's mom and their situation. DB hasn't been calling his mom lately at all. When he was leaving for basic he did the same thing to me. For him, he feels like his mom doesn't understand and I also think he is trying to make the separation easier on her. Neither of those things are necessarily the right way of looking at it, but right now that is how he feels. If he is deploying soon he could also be very busy with pre-deployment training and preparations. I would write him a kind email saying the things you would say when you call. Then your message gets through and he can digest it in his own time. Multiple phone calls sometimes puts people on the defensive and that isn't your intention. Emails are much less confrontational. I'm sorry he is distancing himself. It feels awful, I know. Give him the space he needs and trust that this too shall pass.

[Marinesbabygirl9]

DF has not been deployed, but I do know someone who has been.

Pulling away is very common. You just have to express to your son that you are there for him no matter what and that you love him. Just leave him messages and he will come to you when he is ready. When you leave the messages, do not get irritated that he is not answering; he will be able to sense that in your voice. And don't leave alot of them, it will make him overwhelmed. They have their own way of dealing with deployments and you just have to let them know that you will always be there for them.

[lildixiemiss]

Originally Posted by His*PITA* Pulling away is the most common response/coping mechanism that someone who is getting ready to deploy does. They are getting ready to leave all their loved ones behind and its easier to do that (in their minds) by distancing themselves, sometimes starting fights or angering the ones close to them so that its easier to leave.... Im sorry your going through this, the best thing you can do its just show him that you love and support him, but you have to give him the chance to come to you

Just let him know your there for him.

[fitmommyof4]

I agree my husband doesn't contact him mom very much. I do a lot of the relaying of messages. I think he feels like she is too emotional about it and it's easier to avoid it. I don't agree w/ it, but that is the way men are sometimes. I would try writing him a letter or email and just say you are not mad, but you would like to talk to him so when he is ready or can to please call. Maybe that will help.

[[Elizabeth]]

It is very common for them to pull away before deployment.