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Thread: I think I have PPD.

  1. Señor Member
    Ashley.'s Avatar
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    #1

    I think I have PPD.

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    I refused to believe it. I wouldn't let myself. My baby is almost 9 months old... she isn't a newborn.
    At first I was perfectly fine. Lack of sleep sometimes made me moody, but now I really just need to admit to myself and more importantly to my husband that I'm almost 95% sure that I have a) Postpartum Depression or b) some other sort of hormonal thing going on.

    I don't cry all the time, and if I do it's only for like sixty seconds? I'm not depressed. I'm happy. Most of the time. Except for bedtime.
    I get so angry at her, and I feel so guilty about it. I don't abuse her by any means, but I know I could be gentler picking her up or moving her around to swaddle her better. At times I resent her. It gets to the point where I go into the room with Mark and tell him he needs to "do something with her". "I give up". "I quit". "I'm done" and so on and so forth.

    It's affecting my marriage. I resent Mark so fucking much. He rarely helps, which pisses me off. He's getting better-- I think he's starting to realize that I am not where I need to be with her, mentally. Weekends he is gung ho. Weekends are fine. Weekends I get help.
    Weekdays I lose my shit almost nightly it seems like. To the point where I don't remember the good nights where she falls asleep easily. He has to work in the morning. Before Madison was born we agreed that weeknights he needs his sleep and that I will deal with her waking up countless times before falling asleep, or in the night/morning. He helps when he's home during the day before bed, but other than that it's Mommy Duty until the weekend.
    Plenty of women do it. I did it.

    I am confident that if this doesn't resolve itself or if I don't seek resolution for it, it will end my marriage. I've already threatened to go back home three times. We've been here for TWO WEEKS and I've threatened him THREE times!?

    I schedule Madison's 9 month check up in a week, so I'm going to talk about it with the PCM then. I think I'm going to even see if something as simple as removing my Mirena will help level my hormones out a bit. Ever since it's been put in I feel like I've gotten worse. And especially since I stopped breastfeeding.

    Idk, I just needed somewhere to vent.

    be cool.
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    #2
    I know that when I started back on birth control after having DD, my hormones were whacked. I was depressed, I had anxiety, it was hard to get off the couch to do anything, I wanted to cry all the time and I felt like I was losing my mind. I still don't know if I officially had PPD or if it was just the BC, but I never went to the doctor about it. I switched my pill and tried just pushing through it and dealing with it myself. In retrospect, I wish so much that I had gone to talk to someone. Sometimes I think we get so disappointed that we don't have just that perfect happy family we dreamed about, that we just let it spiral rather than admit something is wrong. I hope you can get some answers and figure out a solution.
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    #3
    First of all lots of it takes a lot to admit that you need help. And second if you EVER need to vent or talk I know we don't know each other well but I am here to talk to you. I had PPD after DD was born and much of what you're saying sounds all too familiar. Know that you are not alone and that it will get better and asking for help does not make you weak or a bad mother or wife. You and your family will be in my thoughts and like I said I'm here if need be
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    #4
    Thanks guys. Just writing the OP helped calm me down enough to put her down for a nap (she was refusing her nap, which got me angry). I think what will really help at least a decent chunk is getting my Mirena removed and getting DH to try and step up a bit more during the week for me until I can figure out if it is more than just the Mirena making me to angry all the time.

    I hate how much I've been snapping and it has been getting MUCH worse with all the stresses of coming to Japan, living in a hotel, being cooped up most of the day. I'm so much happier during the weekend, when we are out doing things.

    be cool.
  5. I'm a boss playa', I don't bleed like you.
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    #5
    it might be your BC. i got the implanon and it made me a raging bitch. i made my husband cry! i got it taken out and i feel a lot better.

    is she not sleeping good at night?


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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley. View Post
    Thanks guys. Just writing the OP helped calm me down enough to put her down for a nap (she was refusing her nap, which got me angry). I think what will really help at least a decent chunk is getting my Mirena removed and getting DH to try and step up a bit more during the week for me until I can figure out if it is more than just the Mirena making me to angry all the time.

    I hate how much I've been snapping and it has been getting MUCH worse with all the stresses of coming to Japan, living in a hotel, being cooped up most of the day. I'm so much happier during the weekend, when we are out doing things.
    That's great. Is it possible for you to maybe take a walk during the day while your DH is at work? It will help you clear your head and maybe make Madison tired.
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    #7
    PPD and PPA don't only happen right after giving birth. A LOT of women start to notice symptoms much later, like in the first year after having their babies.

    Also, I am on a progesterone supplement right now and it is making me a freakin crazy person. I am ridiculously over sensitive, I fly off the handle, I am crying at the drop of a hat, but it's not all the time. It will just suddenly come on and then it's gone again. I am living in a constant state of mood swing. Mirena is a progesterone BC, so if you are ANYTHING like me, it could be that. I noticed it to a lesser degree when I had my Mirena in and it went away when I had it removed, it's just more severe for me now because I am on a much higher daily dose of progesterone right now.


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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Miriah View Post
    it might be your BC. i got the implanon and it made me a raging bitch. i made my husband cry! i got it taken out and i feel a lot better.

    is she not sleeping good at night?
    Yeah I think I'm going to schedule an appt to get it taken out very soon, and then just go back to natural family planning like we did before Madison.

    The hotel's crib is really small and the mattress is super thin, so it isn't as comfortable for her. We were just going to have her sleep in the bed with us, but Mark just got a GI Virus so that's a no-go for a few days. We've been meaning to get a pack n play for her, but they're so damn expensive here and DH refuses to get a used one We will hopefully be getting one this weekend and seeing if that helps at all.

    be cool.
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    #9
    I've been looking up Mirena and anger/rage and it really is starting to look like maybe just getting the Mirena out will help. Lets hope.

    be cool.
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    #10
    Please speak with your doctor or Madi's. I am so sorry you're going through this. The most important thing is to seek help, so that you can begin healing.

    Know that I am here if you ever need to talk. <3
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