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Thread: I think it might be time

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    #1

    I think it might be time

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    I'm feeling horribly guilty about this even though I know I shouldn't. Nursing is starting to take an incredible mental toll on me. And idk if it's stress or what, but I think my supply is dropping, too. B has always nursed from one side at a time but lately he'll nurse from both and still fuss like he's hungry. With DH gone and all the other emotions I have right now it just feels overwhelming to have him attached to me every two hours. I feel awful though. I mean, Daddy just left and now I'm going to take this away, too? I was planning on working on night time weaning soon. Maybe it'll be easier to do it all at once. I know some of the time when he wakes up he is just nursing for comfort because he'll eat for like two minutes then fall back asleep. Idk, i just feel bad. But I really don't feel like I can do this anymore. Plus I just got him enrolled in daycare for occasional care when I'm volunteering or whatever, but I can't pump anything right now and I'm down to eight ounces in my stash. It stresses me out to no end knowing it's almost gone it seems like it would be so much easier if he was on formula, but I feel so selfish.
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    #2
    You gotta do what's right for you. If you feel really bad, keep trying. If it's the right thing for you and you feel worse about continuing, then stop. Either way, you are a fabulous mom.
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    #3
    Welp. He's losing weight so I have to put him on formula anyway. Just to supplement, but it's only going to make my supply issues worse. I feel like a massive failure right now. I couldn't go into labor then I couldn't deliver and now I can't nourish him. I'm aware that I'm being dramatic but I feel like a giant pile of shit right now.
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    #4
    and more -- I had the same feelings when DS was born. It isn't being dramatic, it's how you feel
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by ZivaD View Post
    and more -- I had the same feelings when DS was born. It isn't being dramatic, it's how you feel
    Thanks for the hugs. I just feel ridiculous because I was pretty sure I was done bfing anyway, but I wanted it to be on my terms. I feel like a failure and like I've been starving my son. It doesn't help that during some random waiting room chit chat I was told that I "didn't really give birth" to my son since I had a c section.
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    #6
    I'm not a mom, but wanted to offer regardless, I can only imagine how difficult it is.
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    #7
    Oh maegan I'm sorry I asked about pumping in your other thread!! I'm just seeing this now You do what you gotta do to be a happy momma. One thing, and obviously I have no idea where you live or where you stand on this, but if you don't want to formula feed but kinda have to, have you looked into donated breast milk? I know even here in Guam there's a great network of ladies who do this and I plan on pumping just to donate for moms in these situations. A good firend's daughter is on donated BM because the staff here never diagnosed a lip and tongue tie and her supply just dropped off when her DD couldn't nurse.

    And I really hope that me suggesting that doesn't sound like me saying anything about formula because so long as you feed him, you're doing awesome

    As for being induced and the section, I'm right there with you. I'm pretty positive that had I had issues nursing, I would be seriously messed up so you're not being dramatic. I still struggle with all of that every day and now that I'm planning a section with this baby, it's almost worse in my head because I have a choice and I'm choosing this.

    Motherhood is hard and has lots of sucky parts but you're not alone at all in any of this mommy guilt. PM me any time at all!
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    I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend getting in touch with a La Leche League or a lactation consultant in your area! Here's the Facebook for your local LLL: https://www.facebook.com/LLLClarksville

    How old is your son? I have a terrible memory, I'm sorry. It's very, very likely that you can get through this and bring your supply back up. Have you tried taking any supplements like eating lactation cookies or drinking Mother's Milk tea? Brewer's yeast and fenugreek do wonders!

    ETA: I understand the difficulty of keeping breastfeeding going when your husband leaves. The stress is SO hard and it's overwhelming that the baby is needing you and latching to you what feels like ALL of the time-- but it gets better, it improves, and it was worth it for me. Beyond worth it.
    ​​​

    “Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” -- Carl Sagan

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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by huladangelo View Post
    Oh maegan I'm sorry I asked about pumping in your other thread!! I'm just seeing this now You do what you gotta do to be a happy momma. One thing, and obviously I have no idea where you live or where you stand on this, but if you don't want to formula feed but kinda have to, have you looked into donated breast milk? I know even here in Guam there's a great network of ladies who do this and I plan on pumping just to donate for moms in these situations. A good firend's daughter is on donated BM because the staff here never diagnosed a lip and tongue tie and her supply just dropped off when her DD couldn't nurse.

    And I really hope that me suggesting that doesn't sound like me saying anything about formula because so long as you feed him, you're doing awesome

    As for being induced and the section, I'm right there with you. I'm pretty positive that had I had issues nursing, I would be seriously messed up so you're not being dramatic. I still struggle with all of that every day and now that I'm planning a section with this baby, it's almost worse in my head because I have a choice and I'm choosing this.

    Motherhood is hard and has lots of sucky parts but you're not alone at all in any of this mommy guilt. PM me any time at all!
    Thank you. Don't worry, you didn't upset me at all. I was in a much better place mentally when I posted the other thread. I feel like they should all be merged into one big "Maegan's shit show" thread. I really was thinking that I didn't want to do it at all anymore, but having the Dr tell me that I have to supplement threw me for a loop. Lord knows why my own selfish reasons were easier to deal with. I would look into donated milk, but I kind of feel like I should leave it for babies that really need it, you know? My baby got six months of milk and is doing well enough to switch. Does that make sense? Idk, my head is all over the place. Logically I know I need to just figure out how to get him to accept the formula and do what I can to get my supply up at the same time. I'm just so drained I'm having trouble processing everything. Thank you for all of your support.

    The guilt sucks. I've always been the one to say no matter how you birthed your baby and no matter how you feed them it doesn't matter. But then it happens to you and hits you like a ton of bricks. Breastfeeding was the one thing that went right for us, and now that's messed up, too. I didn't think it would be this hard. I'm planning another c section, too, and even though I'm not even pregnant yet I feel bad about it. I'm just not comfortable with a vbac after the healing issues I've had. but anyway, thank you. And the offer goes both ways if you ever need to talk.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by katinahat View Post
    I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend getting in touch with a La Leche League or a lactation consultant in your area! Here's the Facebook for your local LLL: https://www.facebook.com/LLLClarksville

    How old is your son? I have a terrible memory, I'm sorry. It's very, very likely that you can get through this and bring your supply back up. Have you tried taking any supplements like eating lactation cookies or drinking Mother's Milk tea? Brewer's yeast and fenugreek do wonders!

    ETA: I understand the difficulty of keeping breastfeeding going when your husband leaves. The stress is SO hard and it's overwhelming that the baby is needing you and latching to you what feels like ALL of the time-- but it gets better, it improves, and it was worth it for me. Beyond worth it.

    He's six months.

    I'll look into that, thank you. I hadn't looked into any groups yet because everything was going so well before. I need to decide what I want to do and go for it. I know we can get through this slump. I know it won't be so hard now that i know there's a problem and can start fixing it. With supplementing and working on my supply it will get easier since he won't nurse constantly because he's still hungry. Just have to wrap my head around it all and start moving forward. Thank you!
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