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Thread: 10 (MILDLY SHALLOW) REASONS TO BREASTFEED

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    10 (MILDLY SHALLOW) REASONS TO BREASTFEED

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    10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed
    Funny take on Breastfeeding! I'm guilty of most of them

    10 (MILDLY SHALLOW) REASONS TO BREASTFEED

    I breastfeed my kids. Iím passionate about it. Iím righteous about it. But Iím not entirely honest about it.

    I advertise that I do it for the heartfelt and health-related reasons weíve all heard from other moms and pediatricians a bazillion times. But come on. If there werenít also some hardcore mama-centric reasons to let my kid nibble on my nips for a year, Iíd never be able to endure the insane commitment. These are the reasons that see me through the worst breastfeeding days and get me to hang in there when I want to bail. Theyíre pretty damn shallow, but whatever. They get the job done.



    1. Milk boobs are awesome. Have you seen milk boobs? The new-mom, my-milk-just-came-in(!!) boobs? Theyíre glorious. Theyíre porn star glorious except theyíre REAL. Theyíll make even the staunchest feminist reconsider her rabid stance on breast augmentation. These fabulous tits were a fabulous surprise after my first child, and a highly anticipated perk (for both my husband and me) after my second.



    2. I donít have to work out. My baby weight lost itself because breastfeeding burns 500-800 calories A DAY. Even my best workout when I was in my twenties and maintaining a hot college body to bring the boys to the yard didnít burn 800 calories. How crazy would I be to opt out of something that burns a shitload of calories while I sit on my ass, snuggling my baby, in my thirties?



    3. I donít feel remotely guilty about what I eat. I need to replace the calories nursing burns otherwise my milk production decreases dramatically. So heeeelllllloooo, Smashburger. Thank you for contributing to the cause of better infantile nutrition. And yes, I would like a salted-caramel shake with that. Itís all in the name of milk production.



    4. I canít forget my breasts when I leave the house. Iíve forgotten diapers, clothes, blankets, binkies, the stroller, the entire diaper bag after spending 20 minutes packing it, and even the friggen baby, but Iíve never forgotten milk. If you donít have kids, having one less thing to remember as you herd your family out the door may not seem significant. If you do have kids, you know how significant it is.



    5. I get guaranteed breaks during crappy social functions. It is completely acceptable to excuse yourself from a party to nurse your child in private. Even though I donít really care about privacy, I sometimes take advantage of this understanding to avoid awkward acquaintances and annoying relatives and go play Angry Birds or check Facebook for awhile.



    6. Aunt Flo goes on sabbatical. Thanks to breastfeeding, I made it 50 weeks sans Aunt Flo after my daughter was born. My son just turned one and Iím still waiting for her return. If you count her absence during my pregnancy, I havenít seen her in nearly 2 years. TWO YEARS. I donít miss that bitch at all.



    7. I can instantly comfort my screaming baby without having to troubleshoot the actual problem. Sometimes Iím too tired or busy to try to figure out what the baby is crying about, so I just nurse him. Nine times out of 10, shoving a boob in his mouth calms him down immediately. Note: This also works with his father.



    8. I can have unprotected sex for 6 months. When done correctly, breastfeeding is an effective form of birth control up to the babyís 6-month birthday. So no hormones for me, and no condoms for my husband, for 6 months. Like I said though, you have to do it right or you end up with Irish twins. Like my parents did. Díoh.



    9. Breast milk poop smells a hell of a lot better than formula poop. I have to change a lot of disgusting poopy diapers, so if anything can make them less disgusting, Iím in. Breast milk poop smells, but it doesnít stink. Not like formula shit. I found this out firsthand when changing a friendís formula-fed baby. I thought something died in her diaper. I almost called Animal Control.



    10. When my kids have kids, I can hold it over their heads that when they were babies, I did everything right and know everything. The extreme commitment and effort of breastfeeding lends a lot of credibility to the future backseat parenting of my grandchildren.
    I'm very guilty of #7
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    #2
    Love number 7!!!! All so true
  3. aka Mrs Gibberish
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    #3
    Love it!
  4. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #4
    All of them except 8 and 10, yep lol!! Especially number two. Maaajor reason I'm BFing again next time.
    ​​​

    ďSomewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.Ē -- Carl Sagan

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    #5
    Love it!! Only one that does not apply to me, is the weight. I've held on to the baby weight like crazy lol

    And I am VERY guilty of number 7
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    #6
    #7 - and when it DOESN'T work that's when you know something is bad wrong!
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Chikatoka View Post
    Love it!! Only one that does not apply to me, is the weight. I've held on to the baby weight like crazy lol

    And I am VERY guilty of number 7
    I have kept an extra like 5-7 lbs but I think it's bc I was just on the edge of underweight before. I guess my body knows what it's doing
  8. I Will Rise Above
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    #8
    I read this earlier it made me chuckle. I wasn't bleat with AF leaving though ebf came back at 3 months I was pissed
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    #9
    I didn't BF YDD long but it was great when we were moving cause I didn't have to dig for bottles or worry about her formula being cold cause I couldn't warm it up. I will so be breast feeding the next one.

    ♥ 2,000oz of boobie milk donated ♥




    better2gether is my Irish Twin Mommy Wifey!
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    #10
    Exercise? What's exercise?

    AF came back after 4 1/2 months, but now that I know what to do to protect my supply and I have a Ibprofen 800's....I don't care.
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