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Thread: How to get dad more involved?

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    #1

    How to get dad more involved?

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    My DH has been a bit butt hurt these past few days because Matty won't take to him well. For example, tonight I asked my DH to rock matt to sleep for his nap. Matt screamed for a solid 10 minutes before I gave in and took him. When I held him, he didn't make a peep, and went right to sleep. Also, Matt has been refusing to take bottles from my DH. I try to keep my DH involved, but he doesn't openly do anything. I have to ask him to hold him, or feed him, or bathe him, etc.

    My DH openly said 'Clearly he likes you more so you can do everything.'



    How do I keep him involved? I don't want him to be hurt that his son won't take to him.
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    #2
    no clue but if you figure it out let me know. I always have to ask my dh to do stuff with or for the girls. He loves playing with them but everyhing else is a nogo and has been for years.


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    #3
    Our husbands are the same...

    No advice though because it took my doctor telling me that I had high blood pressure from being so stressed for DH to help more.

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
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    #4
    Are you there in the room or close by when he is trying to feed him or rock him? A lot of babies prefer their mommies when they are young and if they see mom they won't let dad do that stuff.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Sindorella View Post
    Are you there in the room or close by when he is trying to feed him or rock him? A lot of babies prefer their mommies when they are young and if they see mom they won't let dad do that stuff.
    Sometimes. Thats what I thought, too, so I made it a point to step out for periods of time. It didn't work well.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Sindorella View Post
    Are you there in the room or close by when he is trying to feed him or rock him? A lot of babies prefer their mommies when they are young and if they see mom they won't let dad do that stuff.
    This exactly. If my daughter sees me it's all over with. She will reach for me and cry. She has gotten much better now but for the first 18 months she was all about her mommy.
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    #7
    Are you breastfeeding? I BF Ansley a LOT longer than I did my older 2 and she REALLY disliked my DH until about 6mons old...however, i was 99% of the time the only person who could get her to sleep for the longest time :| I don't know if BF had anything to do with it, just what i observed with my older 2 vs my youngest. I BF Bella but only for a month and I didnt BF Jax.


    ETA- She came around , but on her own time. In the mean time, I just kept trying and would have him interact with her with play time and bath time etc.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Jen♥ View Post
    Sometimes. Thats what I thought, too, so I made it a point to step out for periods of time. It didn't work well.
    Even with you gone it's gonna take some time, unfortunately. It will just be easier without you there for Matt to focus on. He is just gonna have to keep at it. I definitely get how he may have hurt feelings but parents have to work on their relationships with their kids, even as babies. Maybe he could take him out somewhere? Does Matt like to go places?
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    #9
    I'm sure my DH felt left out so I made a point of leaving the house. It was very hard, though, since we EBF until just a week shy of 12mos. DH made a point of taking him out places, hanging out together watching 'the game' while I slept in on weekends, etc. Also, once we started introducing solids, if DH was home, it was him and Wyatt time. It was very difficult when Wyatt was teeny tiny since I was the only one who could feed him but we got creative. Since W was in our bed with us, I would step out and let DH cuddle him while I showered or did dishes or something else. I do want to say, though, that even now at 18mos Wyatt goes to sleep much more willingly if I'm the one rocking him and saying goodnight than when DH is. Frankly, I think DH is happy about that, though, since that means he doesn't have to rock 20lbs on his shoulder
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Sindorella View Post
    Are you there in the room or close by when he is trying to feed him or rock him? A lot of babies prefer their mommies when they are young and if they see mom they won't let dad do that stuff.
    Exactly this. It took a couple months of leaving Aubree with Scott for her to get comfortable with him and not cry when I hand her over. Even now, most of the time, she's happy to sit or play with him while I'm in the room, but sometimes she just wants to crawl back to me.

    ETA: Scott really does everything that I ask him to do and a lot of things that I don't ask him. He knows that whenever he's home, he's in charge of diapers, dressing her, etc. He does her laundry (even diaper laundry), etc. When he got home from deployment, I just asked him to take over certain things and he has stuck to it. He's adamant about being the one to calm her when he can be, and he just doesn't give up. He wants a great relationship with her, so he trucks on.
    Last edited by katinahat; 11-26-2012 at 10:33 AM.
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