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Thread: I know I've been MIA lately...

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    #1

    I know I've been MIA lately...

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    I started posting less a few weeks before DS was born since my mouse broke and my primary method of msosing at that point was through my kindle. I hate using that keyboard so I mostly lurked for a while lol. But now that I'm back in NC, with a working mouse and internet, hopefully I'll be around more.

    DS came into this world on January 20th at about 5:14 pm (I think! there are like, three different times recorded for him, lol. But DH noted the time on the clock on the wall at that's what it said). He weighed 6 pounds 6 oz and was 20 inches long, an exact replica of what I weighed and measured in at He did a number on me and I had to get stitched up in several areas, which made the healing process really difficult. I didn't know if I would be able to make the trip back to Fayetteville so soon after the birth (which was the original plan). My parents were AMAZING and helped out sooooo much during that week after the birth and I ended up healing enough to be able to make the drive back. It was extremely difficult saying goodbye to them and as much as I tried not to, I cried during that first travel day back east. I still miss them like crazy and it makes me sad that they won't be seeing Will until he's over 2 months old, but I send them daily pictures through my phone and am planning on trying to set up skype with them as well.

    I've been doing things on my own with Will for a little over a week now and I'd be lying if I were to say it hasn't been difficult. I made a deal with the devil per se and had agreed to take over the night time duties during the week so DH can sleep since he works. Bad idea. I had no idea how difficult it would be to do everything on my own at night five days a week. While he does help during the afternoons/evenings, sometimes I get really anxious, especially since he's shared that once he accidentally gave DS formula that was too hot (he said he checked it), and another time he had DS on his shoulder and didn't realize that he couldn't breathe until he started squirming around. What scares me about that is that I've found DH asleep with DS on his shoulder like that. What if he had been asleep? This happened when DH took him for a while so I could get a nap in yesterday, so now I'm extra anxious about leaving DS in DH's care. While he means well, I just cant help but worry about all of the what ifs that could happen. I guess that extra anxiety is just one of those things that come along with being a mother, but I hope I'm not going overboard.

    Some nights I get 2 hours of sleep, other nights I get 4-5. It's those 2 hour nights that kill me. That's when I start to get kind of resentful. DH told me yesterday that he would take DS overnight on Friday and Saturday so I can get a full night's rest, but I'm scared to take him up on that offer, especially since what happened yesterday. I'd rather just watch him all the time. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't understand how exhausting it is, yesterday he made bottles for the first time, I guess he realized that I needed some help. I know we're both young and he's pretty clueless, and I don't want to nag him on what he's "doing wrong" when he does take DS for a while, because I'm just grateful for the extra help, but I just worry that I'm going to leave him in his care and wake up to an infant with a mouth burn, or worse, one who has suffocated since his father fell asleep with him on his chest.

    I just feel so overwhelmed and sometimes I just wish I could pack up and go back home for a while. At least until DS isn't as vulnerable, but I know I can't do that. I also know I can't do everything on my own though, and it's ok to ask my husband for help sometimes, but how do I rely on his help when I'm so worried that he's just going to unintentionally harm our child? I know he loves DS with every fiber in his body just like I do, but like I said, he's pretty clueless (just like me I know) and maybe not as attentive (or maybe I've overly so, I don't know).

    Anyways, this is just an update on how life has been since having DS. I had no idea it would turn out this long. Since I have a mouse now I'll probably be on a little more frequently, or at least, as much as DS allows me. He really is a good little boy, he's very mellow, and aside from absolutely hating tummy time, I really have no complaints (other than the standard "getting no sleep" complaint ).
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    #2
    I've been wondering where you have been!

    I hope you and DH figure out a way so you feel comfortable with him watching DS so you can get some sleep.

    Welcome back!
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    #3
    I'm sorry things have been rough on you! Hopefully you can work out something that is good for both of you soon.


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    #4
    so glad to hear from you!!! I was wondering about you

    I can't wait to see pics of the lil guy!!!

    And FYI, its totally understandable if you're feeling exhausted! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now.
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    #5
    Do you sleep during the day when he sleeps? Thats key. Its hard but as long as you try you'll start to feel better.
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    #6
    Thanks guys, I've missed being more active around here! I plan on getting some pictures up on here soon! He's getting so big and his features are changing already!

    Quote Originally Posted by kalloskitty View Post
    Do you sleep during the day when he sleeps? Thats key. Its hard but as long as you try you'll start to feel better.
    I do try and sometimes I succeed, but I've also had some long standing sleep issues that have totally been exacerbated since moving back east, so usually even if I'm exhausted to the point of dropping, I'm still unable to get rest without a sleep aid. And I'm not taking any meds like that while I'm taking care of DS, I don't want to risk not waking up when he cries. So hopefully it will get better. I keep trying to remind myself that this too shall pass, sleepless nights cant go on forever (at least I hope not!!!).

    As for DH, I'm hoping that with experience and time, I'll start to become less anxiety ridden when DS is in his care. I'm sure it will all work out, I know DH loves him with all his heart, he just needs to fine tune those basic parenting skills.
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    #7
    I hope baby starts sleeping for you better at night. When my family wants to help with Madelynn I am hesitant as well, more because I hate taking help from people but a little because Im nervous as well. You're a new mommy, its natural to be a little nervous
  8. Gained a child but lost my sanity!
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    #8
    As hard as it is you have to let your DH learn his own way of parenting. Every person does it differently and as long as you can be on the same page on the essentials like food, sleep scheduling and discipline the rest is just giving him an early exposure to differences in people. Talk to DH about how he lets W fall asleep on him so that you guys can find a comfortable but safer way for them to nap together but on the other stuff it is trial and error and there is not much your DH is going to do that will cause any permanent harm.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by princessgwynn View Post
    As hard as it is you have to let your DH learn his own way of parenting. Every person does it differently and as long as you can be on the same page on the essentials like food, sleep scheduling and discipline the rest is just giving him an early exposure to differences in people. Talk to DH about how he lets W fall asleep on him so that you guys can find a comfortable but safer way for them to nap together but on the other stuff it is trial and error and there is not much your DH is going to do that will cause any permanent harm.


    I would say that you have to respect that your husband is his father just as much as you are his mother. He's going to burp the baby differently, swaddle differently, do baths differently, whatever. As long as he's not doing something like shaking the baby or dropping him or rolling over onto him, I would let him do it is his way. The hot formula isn't that big of a deal-- just tell him to check it on his wrist first and he'll get the hang of it. The one thing that worries me is him falling asleep with the baby. I would stress to him (kindly) the importance of NOT falling asleep while holding the baby (though many parents intentionally fall asleep holding the baby and are perfectly fine, I do not feel comfortable doing so and never have). And then give him ROOM to learn. He has as much of a right to learn how to take care of your son as you do, and you need to let him do it. He's going to make mistakes and as long as they're not life-threatening, I would let him.

    Right now, you've got a lot of hormones going and you're sleep-deprived. Neither of those factors contributes to a clear mind and a steady heart. I would recommend that you accept his help and let him start taking the baby while you're watching, then work into him taking the baby for short periods while you're not watching, and then work into him taking the baby for long periods while you're not watching. I know that it's going to be very hard for me to adjust when Scott comes home since he's never watched her without me in the room-- ever. But I know in the first couple weeks, I let him discover his own way of doing things-- I had to loosen the reins a bit.

    You'll get the hang of it after a while, mama. Just try and respect his role as a parent-- that's my best advice.
    ​​​

    “Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” -- Carl Sagan

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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by princessgwynn View Post
    As hard as it is you have to let your DH learn his own way of parenting. Every person does it differently and as long as you can be on the same page on the essentials like food, sleep scheduling and discipline the rest is just giving him an early exposure to differences in people. Talk to DH about how he lets W fall asleep on him so that you guys can find a comfortable but safer way for them to nap together but on the other stuff it is trial and error and there is not much your DH is going to do that will cause any permanent harm.
    Oh definitely, and I keep trying to remind myself of this, and I'm starting to get a little better about it. Actually, after this weekend, with DH being so hands on the last few days, I'm feeling a bit better and more confident in his abilities. I know in my heart that really, I'm in the same boat, it's just hard to let go of the control and let him take the reins for a bit with DS. I'm happy to say that he hasn't napped with DS on his shoulder since the earlier incident. I explained to him that, though he was able to catch DS this time, what could have happened had he been asleep as well. He understood, and I think he realized how things could have panned out. He really has been a great help this weekend and I'm feeling a bit better about things now.

    Quote Originally Posted by katinahat View Post


    I would say that you have to respect that your husband is his father just as much as you are his mother. He's going to burp the baby differently, swaddle differently, do baths differently, whatever. As long as he's not doing something like shaking the baby or dropping him or rolling over onto him, I would let him do it is his way. The hot formula isn't that big of a deal-- just tell him to check it on his wrist first and he'll get the hang of it. The one thing that worries me is him falling asleep with the baby. I would stress to him (kindly) the importance of NOT falling asleep while holding the baby (though many parents intentionally fall asleep holding the baby and are perfectly fine, I do not feel comfortable doing so and never have). And then give him ROOM to learn. He has as much of a right to learn how to take care of your son as you do, and you need to let him do it. He's going to make mistakes and as long as they're not life-threatening, I would let him.

    Right now, you've got a lot of hormones going and you're sleep-deprived. Neither of those factors contributes to a clear mind and a steady heart. I would recommend that you accept his help and let him start taking the baby while you're watching, then work into him taking the baby for short periods while you're not watching, and then work into him taking the baby for long periods while you're not watching. I know that it's going to be very hard for me to adjust when Scott comes home since he's never watched her without me in the room-- ever. But I know in the first couple weeks, I let him discover his own way of doing things-- I had to loosen the reins a bit.

    You'll get the hang of it after a while, mama. Just try and respect his role as a parent-- that's my best advice.
    Definitely. I think between the lack of sleep and the hormones right now I manage to magnify things to the max right now. I ended up taking him up on his offer on Friday night to watch DS all night. Well, first, I just had to get out of the house for a bit, so DH offered to watch him while I went to Target to get some stuff for DS's bathroom. Much to my amazement (not really) DS was alive and well when I returned home. I think what really did it for me was when I came home and DH asked me "did you really think something would happen to him while you were gone? do you have that little of faith in me as a dad?" I think that comment right there really showed me how much hurt I could unintentionally inflict on DH due to my heightened anxiety right now.

    I ended up taking him up on his offer to watch DS all night on Friday. I really intended on splitting the night with him but between his insistence and my inability to keep my eyes open past 9 pm that night, I had little choice. I slept like a baby and he woke me up at 8 and all was well with Will and DH. Nothing horrible or horrific happened while I slept and DH did a great job with him. I went out for groceries on Saturday for a few hours, came home and all was well again. I think it just took pushing myself to go ahead and let him watch him overnight and while I left to finally get a bit more comfortable with leaving him with DH.

    I think the other great thing that came out of this weekend was because DH took DS all night on Friday night, he finally understood how hard it is to do without help. DH even said "watching him all night is no joke. I had no idea." DH is great when it comes to gratitude and appreciating what I do, but I think it offered him some perspective on caring for a child all night by ones self. Not really looking for him to split nights during the week since he gets up early, but just happy that he understands what I go through night after night now.

    DS slept great last night, hopefully he does the same tonight, but I'm not holding my breath
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