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Thread: Feeling out of my element and stupid.

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    #1

    Question Feeling out of my element and stupid.

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    Um.

    I'm a first time mom. I'm clueless. And I'm jealous that so many of you other first timers seem to know so much already.

    For example, I asked on FB about when I could start Michaela on juices b/c "Nana" wanted to know. I got the same answers consistently. Then I found the answer in the "What To Expect The First Year" in the chapters for 4-6 months...which is logical, but not when I would think to ask, kwim?

    And solid foods? I haven't thought about it at all. For some reason, 6 months stuck with me, but I'm reading that some things can be started at 4 months?

    What about other milestones? Rolling over? Sitting?

    I've never really been around babies until now. I guess I just wasn't that friend for people to share these things with, and have NO CLUE.
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    #2
    Don't feel stupid. Just don't get too caught up in going by the book. They're good for general guidelines, but every baby is different, and you know her better than a book. I feel like they change the "right" things to do every year anyway. Your pediatrician probably also knows her better than a book and they should keep you updated on things you should do, and also will tell you if she's not hitting milestones. Maybe at her next checkup bring a list of questions you have? Try not to stress too much about it and enjoy your mommy/baby time together.
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    #3
    I decided this time around that I was ignoring the books. And every other parent I know. I mean, I love a lot of my friends who have kids, but I just didn't want to deal with the stress of comparing my baby to other babies and agonizing over milestones in books. My baby is happy and healthy, and we'll do things as they come! It's made me a much less worried mama this time around.

    You are doing JUST FINE. I promise!
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    #4
    Thank you, ladies. I just...am worried, nonetheless. Her ped office has a nurse/tech that starts the appointments off by weighing her, measuring her, and asking us if she's doing X, Y, and/or Z. The doc answers questions, does a quick physical exam, and then tells us what shots and when. I kind of want someone to watch her for a few minutes to tell me if she's doing them well or right, rather than take the word of someone who hasn't done this before.

    I.e. bringing her hands together... I told them yes, because she does, but maybe not on purpose? One website says they should "notice their hands" at 3 months, and be rolling over tummy-to-back by 3 months. She certainly seemed to notice her feet today, but I haven't seen her really notice her hands yet. Yes, yes, I know--she's not 3 months yet, but I worry that she doesn't get enough tummy time or stimulation.
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    #5
    I've been around and taken care of babies a lot growing up. I had no idea about those things. I had to look them up and ask. Don't feel bad. Shoot, I don't even remember most of that stuff from DD and will be asking again.
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    #6
    Don't get too caught up in the "milestones". Each baby learns at different times and if you think she's doing it (bringing her hands together), she probably is. Try not to overanalyze it too much. The doc will figure out if she is learning at the proper speed. Until then, try to relax a little and enjoy your little bebe.

    I'm a first timer too and felt the same way as you when Liam was younger. I was CONSTANTLY reading my books and trying to figure out if he was doing what he was supposed to be doing when he was supposed to be doing it, and in reality, all it did was worry me more. You're doing just FINE.
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    I learned alot about babies from this wedsite I asked questions on here alllll the time!
    Guess it also helps I worked in daycare for a bit.
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    #8
    if you're gonna use the books try to use them as a guideline...babies differ so drastically... my olderDD was ready for solids around 4months...my youngerDD refused to eat anything until more around 7months...
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by NocturneSiren View Post
    Um.

    I'm a first time mom. I'm clueless. And I'm jealous that so many of you other first timers seem to know so much already.

    For example, I asked on FB about when I could start Michaela on juices b/c "Nana" wanted to know. I got the same answers consistently. Then I found the answer in the "What To Expect The First Year" in the chapters for 4-6 months...which is logical, but not when I would think to ask, kwim?

    And solid foods? I haven't thought about it at all. For some reason, 6 months stuck with me, but I'm reading that some things can be started at 4 months?

    What about other milestones? Rolling over? Sitting?

    I've never really been around babies until now. I guess I just wasn't that friend for people to share these things with, and have NO CLUE.
    The frustrating thing about being a new mommy is that everyone seems to have a different answer for even the most basic questions. Like the food thing... some peds say 4 months, the AAP says six, etc. Or even for sunscreen- our ped told us it was recently approved for 1+ months, but most books I've read said not to put it on the baby till 6+ months.

    Soooo many inconsistencies!!!

    But the cool thing is... babies are resilient. A little trial & error won't hurt 'em. I'm just like you, before having my DS, I knew NOTHING about babies. Never really had the opportunity to be around them.

    I try not to sweat the little things. And I rely on my gut- it hasn't screwed me over yet.

    As far as the milestones... those are just basic, general guidelines. No two babies are alike... your kid might be a few months ahead in one category, and a few weeks behind in another. It'll all even out in the end... as long as there's not something DRASTICALLY out of line, I really wouldn't worry about it too much.

    Oh, and one more thing... next time check the index if you're looking for something specific. I've had questions about things before and they definitely were NOT in the chapter months that I would've expected. (Kinda like the section on how to introduce animals to your baby... I'm *pretty* sure that needs to happen before 6 months, which is where it was located in a book I read )

    Hang in there, you're doing a great job!!!
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    #10
    I have already spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME comparing Nikaia to other babies. I try really really hard not to. It happens anyway. Every time I catch myself doing that I have to have Holly snap me out of it. I knew literally 20 other pregnant girls when I was pregnant, including three members of my family. There are babies EVERYWHERE and it's so easy to fall into comparing every little thing.

    I am a first time mom, too. I have learned what I know about babies from having one, and I have even been around them my whole life. There is a whole lot of stuff that you just don't really pay attention to until it's your own kid. It is perfectly fine it ask questions and to look for averages, but keep in mind that development is NOT black and white. For example, and this is something I have stressed out SO MUCH about but realize now is perfectly normal FOR US, Nikaia doesn't roll over. She is over 6 months now and she just doesn't do it. She has rolled front to back a handful of times, and back to front maybe two. I freaked out about it, I tried to force her to do it, I looked up article after article about it, and I watched updates about all of my friend's babies doing it when they were younger than her... and I ended up completely stressing myself out. What I eventually realized once I stepped back and stopped comparing her to everyone else is that she wasn't not rolling over because she wasn't capable of doing it, she just doesn't LIKE it. There are a lot of other things that she has excelled at. She has been hitting her motor skills and awareness milestones before the average. She was sitting up on her own at 5 months which had her doctor amazed. Obviously the rolling over thing wasn't hindering her in any way, she moved right on to sitting up with no problem, but I made my self sick focusing on it.

    I STILL struggle with some things, like her size and her sleeping habits. I also worry that she won't crawl as quickly as other babies. But, I know that she is a little individual who has her own preferences and will grow at her own pace. After watching her refuse to roll over but sit up like a champ, I wouldn't be surprised if she skips crawling and goes right to pulling herself up and walking instead.

    It's okay to ask questions but don't make yourself crazy like me!! And, you can always ask us!!!!!

    P.S. I apologize for the off topic tangent.


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