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Thread: Help?

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    Sweetie's Avatar
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    #1

    Help?

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    Did any of y'all want family members to come out and help with your new baby? Or did you find they weren't actually helpful/ you wanted to learn to manage it on your own?

    backstory: My parents were going to fly my brother out here but they've changed there mind. While he does have some issues ( he can't drive and he can't be left alone) the thought of having an extra set of hands after DH went back to work was nice. He wouldn't have any advice or experience to offer but he could help around the house, change diapers ( and he can cook ) but more importantly he wouldn't want to DO anything as in he doesn't want to be entertained or go sight seeing or vist etc.
    Now my parents are talking about the 3 of them coming out for a week instead of sending my brother out for 2. While my parents can offer experience and advice, they will also want to be entertained , go sight seeing and DO things because they will have the " vacation" mindset....and idk if i want to handle all of three of them...
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    #2
    I would not take all three of them right in the beginning, and I would not take a brother that basically needs to be babysat himself. And although your parents are parents, it has been many years since they had a newborn and things are a LOT different now.

    I had someone come help out, but it was my goddaughter's mom. She gave me a little help with what she knew of BF, but mostly just kept the house up until I eased myself into it.
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    #3
    I personally don't really like people around at the beginning. I like to be able to figure things out on my own and get in to a routine before I bring more people in to the mix, especially if you are going to have to play the hostess.
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    #4
    I didn't have anyone to come help me out right after DS was born. Since we PCS'd when he was three weeks old, it would have helped a ton. Besides the PCS thing, I think it would have been nice to have my parents around during the day to help so I could take naps. I was exhausted 24/7 and sometimes passed out while holding/feeding DS. Not good.
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    #5
    I could not have survived without my mom. With ODS she was there for labor (left at 3am to drive the 7 hours) and the week after he came home & was a life saver. She helped with the house & animals, didn't expect entertainment and just made me sit down & take it easy since I am a total type-A & wanted up & doing everything about two days later. With YDS her & my brother came up, getting there about 2 1/2 hours after he was born, and helped DH & I finish getting the house together since we had PCS'd just the month before & my brother was babysitter for ODS- probably why "Julian" was the first name he said . When MIL came up shortly after both births I felt very stressed as she wanted attention, was not helpful, bitched about not being able to smoke and then made me feel super guilty by scrubbing the floor, on hands & knees, so that the house would be 'presentable' for her friend that she invited over.

    The moral of the story- only have people you know you can rely on to really help & not need you. You are going to have a very needy newborn- you don't need a needy adult.
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    #6
    My grandma started a tradition with my mom so now my mom does it for us girls... when we have a baby she comes and stays a full week to help give us an extra hand and stuff like that.

    This will be my first and I don't have much experience with children so i'll need all the help I can get!
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by princessgwynn View Post
    I could not have survived without my mom. With ODS she was there for labor (left at 3am to drive the 7 hours) and the week after he came home & was a life saver. She helped with the house & animals, didn't expect entertainment and just made me sit down & take it easy since I am a total type-A & wanted up & doing everything about two days later. With YDS her & my brother came up, getting there about 2 1/2 hours after he was born, and helped DH & I finish getting the house together since we had PCS'd just the month before & my brother was babysitter for ODS- probably why "Julian" was the first name he said . When MIL came up shortly after both births I felt very stressed as she wanted attention, was not helpful, bitched about not being able to smoke and then made me feel super guilty by scrubbing the floor, on hands & knees, so that the house would be 'presentable' for her friend that she invited over.

    The moral of the story- only have people you know you can rely on to really help & not need you. You are going to have a very needy newborn- you don't need a needy adult.
    great advice
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    #8
    My mom planned to be here a few days before my due date thinking that I would probably go late since Wyatt's our first. But then I had all the BP issues and ended up having him exactly a week before she flew in. Since I had a c-section (and a horrible recovery), it would have been really nice to have her there at the beginning but we survived. I stayed in bed the whole time and DH catered to me and Wyatt.
    When my mom came (and still is here), she cooked and cleaned up and finished up organizing his room since with my bedrest and induction screwed up all the little last minute things. She is a life saver for us! I couldn't have done this without her (or at least I would have been ordering in for dinner every night and we wouldn't have clean clothes).
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    #9
    With dd I didn't have anyone come. Next baby I plan to have my brother come to cook and clean because he's amazing like that. Also so he can give Anna some extra lovin while I am focused on the new one.
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    #10
    That does sound llike it could/will become overwhelming. I don't have ANY experience in this area, but I know I would probably want my mom to help me out in the beginning. But If my dad and either sibling came out... I'd wanna run and hide til they were gone.

    I don't have much advice, but good luck!!
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