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  1. Divorced. New name. AnnDreeUhh
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    #1

    Help PostPartum Questions and a Story?

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    This is really long and I'm sorry.

    So, I had my son in January and I am finally ready to admit that I need help. I get nervous because the anxiety I have. I don't want them to throw me into a padded room haha. <-- joking. But on a serious note. My son was born with hydrocephalus and a hemorrhage on his brain. They took him away from me the day after I had him and transferred him to a different hospital. My doctor released me 3 days earlier than schedule so I could be with my son. It's a really long complicated story and I apologize. When my water broke, it was bloody and I bled for 10 hours straight until they decided to deliver my soon via csection. I was so sick that they thought I was going to need a blood transfusion. Luckily my blood level didn't drop anymore because one more level down and I would be in a serious situation. Anyway with that said, I was released early and had to relearn how to walk and all that fun stuff at the Children's Hospital. They told me my son was going to be in there for 3 months. He couldn't keep temperature and the pressure on his brain was dangerous. At 5 days old they did some brain surgery and also inserted a VP shunt into my son. After that surgery, he did exceptionally well and after 9 days, they released him. I stayed at the hospital for 8 of those days and my mom and husband had to literally drag me out of the hospital that last day kicking and screaming because I did not want to leave my son there. I called that night nurse every half hour. I thought I got over all that and I was doing well emotionally. Well, I guess I was doing as okay as I could have been. Then in June, I took a Greyhound bus to visit my husbands family out in Illinois and Iowa. (I'm from Pennsylvania). On the way back, they wouldnt allow me to bring the car seat on the bus. Just outside of Pittsburgh, my son got hungry o I made him a bottle. The next thing I knew the bus slammed on the brakes and I watched as my son flew from the bus seat into the seat in front of us and onto the floor. I picked him up and held on as our bus crashed into a semi. My body weight slammed into the seat ahead of me and I broke a 12 year olds face. I legitimately broke this little girls face. Everything went blurry and I just remember handing an EMT my son. They drove him and I to a place in the middle of nowhere and had my son helicoptered to the Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh. The helicopter crew refused to let me on board so I had to pay for a taxi to get to my son. I didn't get there until 3 hours after my son did. He ended up being okay and I ended up with a sprained neck. They thought I broke it but I didn't. My son and I got home 3 days after that bruised but okay. Every so often I get these images in my head of my son's brain xrays they showed me and the surgery and the bus and I feel so helpless. I can't sleep anymore. I have to check on him every 10 minutes because i'm afraid he isn't breathing or soemthing happened. Anything. I can't lose my son and after everything this year, I really have lost my mind. My husband and I split for some time this year but thankfully ended up back together.

    I'm not looking for sympathy, I just really needed to get that all out of my system. My husband has been in the national guard for 3 years and is now at basic training for active duty so I'm alone. Sorry.
    Cause it's you and me
    And all other people
    And I don't know why
    I can't keep my eyes off of you.

    My Boys, My World, My Life

    Nancy_jean my wifey for lifey
  2. Always loving my soldierman!
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    #2
    Oh my goodness! I couldn't even imagine going through what you did. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that but incredibly happy that him and you are alright. Just try and keep your head up lady!
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    #3
    I just want to say you are both a miracle, to have gone what both of you have gone throu.

    Second thing i want to say is..about the whole making sure he is breathing. my ds was a premie and he would forget to breath when he was sleeping in the hospital. I bought the movement sensor and sound monitor. It beeps everytime he breaths, and if the monitor does not pick up any movement a loud beep goes off

    It helped me sleep at night knowing he was breathing
  4. Junior Member
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by steph23 View Post
    I just want to say you are both a miracle, to have gone what both of you have gone throu.

    Second thing i want to say is..about the whole making sure he is breathing. my ds was a premie and he would forget to breath when he was sleeping in the hospital. I bought the movement sensor and sound monitor. It beeps everytime he breaths, and if the monitor does not pick up any movement a loud beep goes off

    It helped me sleep at night knowing he was breathing
    two of my much younger siblings were preemies and my mom had this thing as well. I want to say it was a angel care monitor. It was awesome and the only way the drs would release my sibs to come home. I actually used one for ds and dd as well just for peace of mind.

    Im sorry you are going thru all of this alone right now. Do you have any family you could go home to while your dh finishes training?
  5. Senior Member
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    #5
    Your son is gorgeous btw...

    Im sorry your feeling so down, sad, frustrated... Your fears are normal I think for all you and he have been through...
    I know this may seem weird, but your only 2 hrs from me, and if you ever want to get away for a day or whatever, your more than welcome... Or you can call or txt me anytime... if you need to talk... I don't know anyone up here either.. I just moved to PA last month...
    I wish I had more words of wisdom, or comfort... but I just can say Im sorry your struggling with this... **big hugs**
    my sexy beast.. and me
  6. Member
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Mbeauty View Post
    two of my much younger siblings were preemies and my mom had this thing as well. I want to say it was a angel care monitor. It was awesome and the only way the drs would release my sibs to come home. I actually used one for ds and dd as well just for peace of mind.

    Im sorry you are going thru all of this alone right now. Do you have any family you could go home to while your dh finishes training?
    Yes it helps me sleep at night, but now since ds is moving around in his crib it goes off and i nearly hurt myself getting out of bed..lol
  7. Senior Member
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    #7
    Wow! What a story you have. I completely understand why you are anxious and worried constantly.
    I don't have any advice other than maybe to seek counselling. Sending you lots of
    Take care of yourself and your adorable son.

  8. Senior Member
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    #8
    I would look into going to therapy. You need to talk to someone.
  9. Divorced. New name. AnnDreeUhh
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    #9
    Thank you ladies. That monitor might be my next investment. Any idea on about how much the cost is? I am going to look into talking to someone. My family is supportive but my mom tends to tell me that I just need to get over it. I want to, I just can't. It's like something inside clicks wrong and I just lose it.
    Cause it's you and me
    And all other people
    And I don't know why
    I can't keep my eyes off of you.

    My Boys, My World, My Life

    Nancy_jean my wifey for lifey
  10. Member
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    #10
    Hugs and prayers for both you and your son. I don't really have any words of wisdom for you. The only thing I can offer is where ever you feel comfortable sleeping (when do you fall asleep) sleep there. Even if that means a air mattress in your sons' room, so you know he is breathing and you can get some rest.

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