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Thread: This is all wrong....(emotional)

  1. Captain's Wife
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    #1

    Confused This is all wrong....(emotional)

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    Many of you know from my previous posts about my situation....but just in case heres the short of it for clarification: Jack is almost 6 mo. DH is deployed. Just Jack and I here at the house. I am a teacher - have my summers off.


    SOOO I have vented before about things not feeling like I imagined they would. Many ppl said they thought I had PPD....I checked into it and I don't...according to my doctor....but today I lost it....just lost it.

    While I was in school I obviously had things to occupy my mind. I felt great about Jack because he was in daycare and was getting great care and love. Now that I am home I have put on 5 lbs despite working out every night and also become really lazy as a mom.

    I used to give Jack a bath every night. I now only give him a bath like three times a week with the other times just giving him a sponge bath. I find myself getting annoyed and even rolling my eyes when he cries. I also find myself looking forward to him sleeping and bedtime. Everyone is going to say this is normal because I have him on my own and yada yada but really this is killing me inside. I have stopped feeding him solids and just breastfeeding him instead...I guess that's not a big deal cause they dont really need solids as they get all they need from breastmilk but...its the reason behind not doing it that hurts...and it comes down to being lazy....

    I don't even get joy out of watching him play - instead I look at the bouncy or the jump up as a babysitter....Don't get me wrong my heart melts when he laughs or smiles at me! I just love it and I love him with my whole heart but I cannot do this....this is too hard. When my DH deployed my house was spotless. I used something and it went right back - I decluttered and I felt awesome. I had a system. Now I leave my laundry until I have like 2 loads. I do the dishes every other day....I know many of you probably think I am crazy but humor me because for ME that is not ok...Maybe I am OCD or do have PPD or maybe I have deployment induced bipolar disorder...(haha - but really?!) I feel like a nut job....

    Does Tricare cover counseling? Not that it helped because it didnt....but....

    I feel like I let my son down. I just went in and looked at his little precious face as he was sleeping and thought to myself that he probably likes being in dreamland because its more fun....he's in that phase where he cant crawl and hes teething...I put him on the floor on his back and he flips and then gets frustrated because he cant move. I let him sit but then he reaches and gets stuck like he wont sit up straight so he gets tired quickly....he wont eat solilds very well right now....I just feel like a failure...this is just not how I planned it...I know, I know with kids you can't plan but I just feel like I am not enjoying my son like most parents do....is this because my spouse is gone?

    Poor Jack....

    I am a wreck as is my life and my house and my child and ugh.....
  2. Account Closed
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    #2
    Oh OP...I'm sorry you feel this way.



    I don't have words of wisdom...but many to you.
  3. Missing My Soldier
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    J- I just wanted you to know I love you as my best friend in this whole world! I have told you how great of a mom and wife I think you are but I understand that it still bothers you so I just wanted to send 's and 's () and you know you can call or text any hour tonight if you need too! Also I have been thinking...maybe you didnt get hooked up with the right counselor? Maybe someone with a different personality would fit you better? Just a thought...Anyway, Love you bunches and call me later if you need to!
    (
  4. Senior Member
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    #4
    I'm the same way. PM me if you ever want to talk.

    I really think that it has a lot to do with your DH being gone because I was never like this with Jessica until he left.

    Now, it's almost like since everything rests on my shoulders, I've just kinda given up and know that I'll get to shit when I get to it. I fold clothes maybe once a week?

    I don't hold Jessica to feed her anymore. I bottle prop.
    I have absolutely no routine established for her. I love that she sleeps a lot so I don't have to entertain her 24/7.

    Her vibraty seat is my lifesaver, she spends SO much time in that or on her mat on the floor, "playing". Sometimes, I'll hold her so she can watch me play WoW or I'll put her in her boppy on the bed while I'm folding clothes.

    I hope that it goes "back to normal" once DH gets back home, and can help me out more. I got SO frustrated when I was making her bottles this morning for daycare. I just wanted to leave them sitting there and walk away. I'm tired of being the only one that makes the bottles.

    It's hard, yes, very much so, to feel that way. I know you don't love your son any less or things of that nature (I love Jessica to pieces) but some days, it just feels like a frickin' chore to have her and I feel like shit every time I feel that way. But it's hard doing it alone. Way hard.
  5. deployment #2: 1 month down!
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    #5
    oh hun, a lot of that is normal. Especially just being home with him all day. I love it, I mean LOVE it, when Matt naps. It's like "yes! I get a freaking break!" It's okay not to bathe him everyday. It's actually better that way. I bathe Matt every other day. I stopped feeding Matt solids for a few days because it was frustrating that he wasn't getting it. That's a matter of just sticking to it, he will get it. Really a lot of the stuff you are saying makes sense considering you are with him all the time. Those who think being a SAHM is easy have not tried it, especially when your DH is away. It is not easy and can be very overwhelming. That's probably where the laziness is coming from. You're just overwhelmed by the situation so it just feels pointless to do anything because no matter what you do it feels like you still have a million other things to do. I hope I'm not completely off base with that one. That's just how I get sometimes.
  6. Captain's Wife
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    #6
    i cant tell you how much i appreciate you girls....thank you for what you said...reading all of them brought me to tears...again! lol but really thank you....i just talked to DH and said some really hurtful things but i had to get them off my chest....i feel badly but i cant hide my feelings...
  7. deployment #2: 1 month down!
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by jojojo View Post
    i cant tell you how much i appreciate you girls....thank you for what you said...reading all of them brought me to tears...again! lol but really thank you....i just talked to DH and said some really hurtful things but i had to get them off my chest....i feel badly but i cant hide my feelings...
    don't hide your feelings. It will make you resentful. It's always better to be honest.
  8. Senior Member
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    #8
    I don't have any kids, and I know that it's different, but I have a puppy and have had a hard time adjusting since DH left. I have absolutely NO routine whatsoever sometimes. I get so depressed seeing the way things get. The laundry, leaving ANY dishes in the sink drives me nuts...Stuff just makes me crazy...I used to have things just so KWIM? My mom actually came up a few weeks ago to help me because I was just to out of it to focus the one day. But you get through that day and hopefully it gets better. Please feel free to PM me if you need anything. I'm on a lot and have messengers.
  9. Captain's Wife
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by OneIllWife View Post
    I don't have any kids, and I know that it's different, but I have a puppy and have had a hard time adjusting since DH left. I have absolutely NO routine whatsoever sometimes. I get so depressed seeing the way things get. The laundry, leaving ANY dishes in the sink drives me nuts...Stuff just makes me crazy...I used to have things just so KWIM? My mom actually came up a few weeks ago to help me because I was just to out of it to focus the one day. But you get through that day and hopefully it gets better. Please feel free to PM me if you need anything. I'm on a lot and have messengers.
    thanks for the support! dear army...may i please have my life back?
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    #10
    I don't have any advice but I just wanted to offer you some
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