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Thread: Struggling with deployment

  1. MiaMama
    MiaMama's Avatar

    Struggling with deployment

    In my house, we practice so called "Attachment Parenting" meaning we protect and nurture our daughter's innate attachment to her parents. She is about to have her first birthday and her daddy just deployed. Up until now, she has had a wonderful, secure, loving relationship with him. She is clearly missing him badly and is having trouble with that...

    So, how can I help her deal with this? She is not yet talking so I am not sure how much she can understand verbal explanations of the situation. We have been working on some sign language to help her express some of her boiling toddler frustrations but it will still be a while before that is a useful tool.

    My husband is also upset about being away from her. He says it is harder to leave her than me because at least I understand why he had to go, that he still loves us, and that he will come back.

    If any of you have any ideas how to help her cope with the sudden absence of her best buddy big daddy man, please please let me know.
  2. Account Closed
    Sophie♥Hatter's Avatar
    Sophie♥Hatter is offline
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    Apr 2007
    There is no perfect solution to it. Have him record himself reading her favorite stories, make a kid friendly photo book for her to haul around that has pics of her daddy and pics of her with her daddy. Show her pictures on the wall and talk about him often. It will be ok.
  3. MilitarySOS Jewel
    DakotaCowgirl's Avatar
    DakotaCowgirl is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
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    Feb 2007
    Home is where our feet land
    I think it will get easier. Face it, it is just change. she probly will be pretty clingy. Be there for her and just help her as best as you can. She is young enough that she is more worried about your stress then anything.

    I hate to say, she might forget about him until he gets back. That is when it will get hard. Just give her lots of love and she will work out in a couple of days.
    "Obstinacy is a fault of temperament. Stubbornness and Intolerance of contradiction result from a special kind of Egotism, which elevates above everything else the pleasure of its own autonomous intellect, to which others must bow.: Carl von Clausewitz
  4. i didn't realize that the USSR was back.
    rosebud*'s Avatar
    rosebud* is offline
    i didn't realize that the USSR was back.
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    [communist china]
    Videos voice recordings, things like that help a lot. Pictures are a must. She may never understand why he had to go, but she will understand that this is daddy and this is what his voice sounds like and all that jazz. rule of thumb if you get overly upset she will take that que from you as well. I used a lot of distraction when dd would ask for daddy over and over again. Or I would tell her to get her picture album.

    I will miss you SOS...
    Please be wary of what you post remember OPSEC is not just another acronym.

  5. Doin' It All On My Own...
    ~*~Katie~*~'s Avatar
    ~*~Katie~*~ is offline
    Doin' It All On My Own...
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    New Bern, North Carolina
    There is an elmo video that someone posted a while back i dont remember what it was called but its about a daddy deploying. SO appropriate!!!! Ask around!!!
  6. MiaMama
    MiaMama's Avatar
    Hmmmmm. Thanks for all the ideas.
    We don't have a TV, but maybe she can watch videos on the computer?
    I need to figure out how to baby-proof pictures, she is a major paper-eater.

    She misses his arms the most. When she was so restless that she didn't want to nurse to sleep, he would hold her and walk around the house. She would snuggle up to him and fall asleep. He did all the AP stuff except nursing. She was a very confident little toddler, but now she seems like her foundation has been shaken. She needs me to reassure her way more often now. I guess I just need to keep my arms open to her and let her work through her feelings.

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