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Thread: I had to write a poem for english class...

  1. Senior Member
    celigirl88's Avatar
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    #1

    I had to write a poem for english class...

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    And since Dan is leaving in a couple days, I decided to write a poem about us. Enjoy!!

    It is less than 2 weeks away
    I don't understand my emotions, I don't know what to say

    Your going to be shipped off to a place unknown
    A place I don't understand, I'll feel so alone

    You'll have orders to take, missions to do
    And I'll be here in Connecticut, always missing you

    You could be deployed, to go fight in a desert
    Sleeping on a cot in a tent, always have a fear of getting hurt

    You'll fight for our freedom, put your life on the line
    Do what your told, what you were assigned

    I'll wait patiently by the phone, day in and day out
    Just to hear your voice, and tell me what war is about

    I know what I signed up for, so this is the end
    This is the life I live, the life of an army girlfriend


    ......feel free to critique!! It was for school so any comments are taken so I can do better next time. And if you like, feel free to take!! (just give me some credit somewhere haha)
    I My Soldier


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    #2
    Awww. I like it.
  3. Senior Member
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    #3
    <3 thank you!!
    I My Soldier


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    #4
    your a really good writer keep it up!

    "I can't stop thinking about you, when we're apart I dream of you." My sailor

    brittany00 is not only my bestie but also my twin!
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    #5
    I give it an A+
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by celigirl88 View Post
    And since Dan is leaving in a couple days, I decided to write a poem about us. Enjoy!!

    It is less than 2 weeks away
    I don't understand my emotions, I don't know what to say

    Your going to be shipped off to a place unknown
    A place I don't understand, I'll feel so alone

    You'll have orders to take, missions to do
    And I'll be here in Connecticut, always missing you

    You could be deployed, to go fight in a desert
    Sleeping on a cot in a tent, always have a fear of getting hurt


    You'll fight for our freedom, put your life on the line
    Do what your told, what you were assigned

    I'll wait patiently by the phone, day in and day out
    Just to hear your voice, and tell me what war is about

    I know what I signed up for, so this is the end
    This is the life I live, the life of an army girlfriend


    ......feel free to critique!! It was for school so any comments are taken so I can do better next time. And if you like, feel free to take!! (just give me some credit somewhere haha)
    I love the poem, I think it's sweet... the bolded is the only part that I think sounds awkward, like it could be re-worded better. But, I think you did a really good job



  7. jadedvoices
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Dessi. View Post
    I love the poem, I think it's sweet... the bolded is the only part that I think sounds awkward, like it could be re-worded better. But, I think you did a really good job


    This was the one part I was not too fond with! But other than that I thought it was very touching! Keep it up
    ‎"Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."

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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Dessi. View Post
    I love the poem, I think it's sweet... the bolded is the only part that I think sounds awkward, like it could be re-worded better. But, I think you did a really good job
    I said the same thing. Like it was supposed to rhyme but the way I worded it, It doesn't really haha!! I think the sentence may be to long. It hasn't gotten graded yet so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Thanks girls for the feedback
    I My Soldier


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    #9
    absoutly fantastic , welldone

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