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Thread: I feel like giving up, and this is just the beginning..

  1. celise
    celise's Avatar

    I feel like giving up, and this is just the beginning..

    So, we made it through boot camp. Nine weeks of waiting, crying, anticipating, and staring out the window waiting for the mailman to get that one letter a week. But I made it. Boot camp sucked. I was upset to find out how different each division was, and it didnít matter whether one division scored higher on a test, or ranked higher on their PT.. Their phone calls were given based on the DIV leadersí discretion. Our friend who is in another division called home at least once a week, sometimes twice. I just so happened to be so damned lucky as to have my boyfriend be in the division with the ones who felt it demeaning to give out rewards. So, I, nor his family, got no phone calls through out boot camp. But his division was ranked first out of the ones to graduate. Go figure. And of course as you know on top of that it took about 2 weeks for the first letter to finally comeÖ I was a mess.
    So we finally made it through. Graduation weekend was ok, I was just so happy to see him. We only got a few hours a day because they had watch, duty and had to report back in at 7:30 every night and were allowed out at 8am every morningÖ It sucked, but we made it work.
    Is it wrong to feel worse after seeing him again? Is it wrong to already be questioning if I can do this and he hasnít even finished A-school? I thought A-school was supposed to be better, but it seems to be just as bad as boot camp! He was assigned night class so he goes from 4pm-12am, and also assigned watch and something from 8am-12pm.. So the only time, if he isnít busy catching up on sleep and doing the other things in life like eating and everything else he has to do, I could talk to him would be from 12:30 pm Ė 3pm. I work full time and go to school full time. There is maybe 5 minutes while I am driving from class to work that I can talk to him, if I can catch him. But we are also in two different time zones. Please some one tell me, how this is supposed to be easier? I feel like I have more bad days than good. He seems to have no idea what is going on half the time and it drives me crazy so I donít even want to talk because I just want to know what is going on. I just want answers, and apparently no one in the military has answers. I just get absolutely frustrated beyond means talking about anything to do with what is going on with the future because he has either no idea, or the concrete facts are never concrete and get changed frequently.
    I just donít know how to have a good day. I want to be supportive. He asked me what size ring I wear, and whether I liked the princess cut or square cut diamonds. We have been talking about it for a long time, and I know it should be sometime as soon as he gets stationed. I am just worried about now. We both know I am not going to leave. I just do not know how to cope with these feelings. How to be happy for him, and not dwell on the negative. I know someone here would know better than I. Because this is a long haul that has only started and I feel like giving up already.. I donít know how to not get upset and frustrated over the small things. I know I should be happy that we can even talk for five minutes. But I am so used to how we used to be when we lived together for over 2 years, this is so different.. I never used to be a short tempered or really emotional person, but I guess taking the person you love away will do that to you?
    Someone please help me. How do you do it because I love this man with all my heart and I know it is stressing us both out physically and mentally with me losing it all the time.
  2. Finally Happy <3
    Carlye<3Sailor's Avatar
    Carlye<3Sailor is offline
    Finally Happy &amp;amp;lt;3
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Virginia Beach, VA
    First I know your very stressed, as I would be too !!

    But congrats on making it through bootcamp! thats a start!!

    And its going to be hard, but it will be worth it. Keep your head up and stay strong, talk to him when you can and instead of getting angry that its only 5 thankful that you get those 5 minutes!! I know its hard but try to be positive and things will start falling into place for you!

    I was questioning my strength do this just like you are now, but you can make it work!! !

    PM me if you wanna talk!
    Gearing up for deployment #2
  3. christymichelle
    christymichelle's Avatar
    You dont know anything about me but I'm not one to give advice on relationships right now. But I just wanted to say being married or involved with a man in military is tough. real tough. It will defintly test you both on so many levels. I read in your profile you've been together 8 years. That is a long time. Have ya'll thought about counseling? Maybe for also just yourself. Like I said I am not the one to give advice when it comes to love right now. But definitly look into counseling, I will say that I have learned that it is good to ask earlier in the start of your problems if he is up for counseling. I waited too long I guess to suggest it to mine b/c he said no in the end to the idea. I am sorry your having trouble and I hope it gets better for you, for both of you. Sorry for not being able to help more than that but if ya need an ear to vent, p.m. me anytime.

    good luck
  4. christymichelle
    christymichelle's Avatar
    I would also like to add, stick to this board. These ladies on here are awesome, you will gets lots of love and good advice. It is the only board I belong too.
    Last edited by christymichelle; 04-10-2007 at 05:32 PM. Reason: typo
  5. Ohana6
    Ohana6's Avatar
    My husband had been a Marine for 3 yrs when we met.

    Your guy is at the bottom of the totem pole, that's how it works. If there's crap jobs or duties to do, he'll be doing them. That's just how it goes, and eveyone has been that low guy on the totem pole.

    As he advances, it gets better, promise
  6. AheeOo, Killer Tofu!
    Purplekittie's Avatar
    Purplekittie is offline
    AheeOo, Killer Tofu!
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Ada, Oklahoma
    Blog Entries
    Stick to this message board!! It's been such a great help for me, it passes the time and you get all the support you could ever need.

    My only advice is to keep busy. I'm sure you've heard this before but its really something you need to do. If you keep busy, you have less time to think about the negative.

    Also, I am always here to talk if you need advice or to vent to someone. PM me anytime, i'd be glad to talk you. Stop by the chat room here some night, a bunch of us go there every night just to talk and stuff.
    You don't choose your family...they are God's gift to you
  7. I will treat you like a queen and take you to burger king
    willowtree's Avatar
    willowtree is offline
    I will treat you like a queen and take you to burger king
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Chesapeake, VA
    My boyfriend had been in the Navy for 5 years when I met him. when we first started going out I knew that someday soon he would be going away. Little did I know that going away soon was 4 month into our relationship. That being said I could never be happier. Yes, there are some really hard days that I cry for what seems like hours, but I get through them. What gets me through is knowing that it will soon be over and that he loves me and that I have the people here on this board. These people here are some of my best friends and see me through the hard days and there have been some really hard days. This will get better you will see. Plus he wants to marry you so that shows that he is willing to go through and still spend the rest of his life with you.

    Be strong girl things always end up working out it the end.

    If you ever need to talk you can PM me.

  8. my heart is home!
    chelsea<3josh's Avatar
    chelsea<3josh is offline
    my heart is home!
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Things do get easier over time. One thing to remember is that he has little control of what he is asked to do, how much he will work, where he will go when. That is one of the most difficult things about dealing with the military, at least for me. I too always want answers and want to know things but it is unpredictable and they have control of him! I hate it, I think most of us do, but things will get better. He is at the bottom of the totem pole like it was mentioned above, and once he's been in a while he will get a regular routine going and you will get more used to it. The other ladies also said stick with this board, I agree with that 110&#37;, since I have joined it has been so great to have the support here, and also they said to keep busy. Sounds like you are and I agree with that too. Hang in there, you can do it, military life is TOUGH, but it sounds like you are a strong lady and you can get through this!
  9. Live.Love.Laugh.Learn
    Sam*'s Avatar
    Sam* is offline
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    hang in there girl
    i almost gave up when my ex db was in bootcamp, but i surprised myself by being soo strong.

    i agree with the other girls, stick to this board, the ladies here are great!
    ^ tell em Sam* sent ya!
  10. Ohana6
    Ohana6's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by chelsea<3josh View Post
    I too always want answers
    Even now, married 11 yrs, he's been in 14 yrs. I'll ask him "why?" about something and he'll say "I don't know". So I say "well why didn't you ask?".
    It doesn't occur to them to ask - lol - they just do it.
    And honestly, they don't care "why" as much as we do
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