Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 37

Thread: I have a million questions, so any advice is appreciated!

  1. Fresh Newbie
    arierosie's Avatar
    arierosie is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    10
    #1

    I have a million questions, so any advice is appreciated!

    Advertisements
    I currently reside with my two children near the army base where my boyfriend is stationed. He has orders to PCS to Hawaii in a few months and since we want to stay together we have decided to get married. The only problem is the divorce (uncontested, no children, she cheated) from his ex-wife won't be finalized until after he's made it to Hawaii. This isn't a huge deal to me since I still wanted to be able to claim Head of Household on my tax return. We have decided to get married towards the end of January. My apartment lease is up in October so I've decided to move in with my parents until we marry so I can work more shifts and save money.

    My boyfriend isn't attached to any of his furniture or appliances, so he planned on selling it all. We are planning on buying new furniture together but some items of mine I've grown attached to. Can I move this stuff to his apartment and pass it off as his in order for them to move it? He will likely be in the barracks when he gets there as his divorce has been filed. Will he be able to put our stuff in storage until January?

    We are not sure if he will be able to take any leave in January to fly here to get married, so it's possible I will have to fly to Hawaii. I only want to fly to Hawaii once as the thought has given me a lot of anxiety, mostly because when I do go it will just be myself and my children. Plane tickets aren't too expensive so that shouldn't be a problem. I know there is a 3 day waiting period between getting your marriage license in Hawaii and actually getting married. I know I will have to pay to stay in a hotel for these days, but what happens after that? My son is starting first grade so I will need to get him enrolled in school. How do I do that if we don't have a place to live yet?

    Also, once we are married will we be able to live on base since I wasn't command sponsored to PCS with him in his original orders?
  2. Senior Member
    Heisenberg's Avatar
    Heisenberg is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    South Florida
    Posts
    16,413
    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by arierosie View Post
    I currently reside with my two children near the army base where my boyfriend is stationed. He has orders to PCS to Hawaii in a few months and since we want to stay together we have decided to get married. The only problem is the divorce (uncontested, no children, she cheated) from his ex-wife won't be finalized until after he's made it to Hawaii. This isn't a huge deal to me since I still wanted to be able to claim Head of Household on my tax return. We have decided to get married towards the end of January. My apartment lease is up in October so I've decided to move in with my parents until we marry so I can work more shifts and save money.

    My boyfriend isn't attached to any of his furniture or appliances, so he planned on selling it all. We are planning on buying new furniture together but some items of mine I've grown attached to. Can I move this stuff to his apartment and pass it off as his in order for them to move it? He will likely be in the barracks when he gets there as his divorce has been filed. Will he be able to put our stuff in storage until January?

    We are not sure if he will be able to take any leave in January to fly here to get married, so it's possible I will have to fly to Hawaii. I only want to fly to Hawaii once as the thought has given me a lot of anxiety, mostly because when I do go it will just be myself and my children. Plane tickets aren't too expensive so that shouldn't be a problem. I know there is a 3 day waiting period between getting your marriage license in Hawaii and actually getting married. I know I will have to pay to stay in a hotel for these days, but what happens after that? My son is starting first grade so I will need to get him enrolled in school. How do I do that if we don't have a place to live yet?

    Also, once we are married will we be able to live on base since I wasn't command sponsored to PCS with him in his original orders?
    I have no direct experience with this but I'm pretty sure he can get in a lot of trouble for moving stuff that isn't his. How anybody will know the furniture isn't his, what the consequences would be, no idea. But he needs to figure all that out and assess whether the risk is worth it to him. Also, be aware that furniture in Hawaii is stupid expensive and for the most part its the same mass produced stuff you find everywhere else. Setting up a home there requires significant money.

    It's simply not a good idea to plan to move yourself and your kids at the same time you're trying to get married. Way too much can go wrong. First of all, where are you gonna stay and for how long? There's a hotel on base but idk if you're allowed to stay there and it's not cheap. I don't remember any other hotels nearby either and the area surrounding Schofield Barracks isn't that great? I loved it there so I don't wanna be nasty but it's not the kinda place I'd wanna wander around too much alone, if you catch my drift. And you *need* a car in Hawaii. You need to take different highways to get basically anywhere and although I never had to use public transit, I only ever heard that it's useless.

    As far as what happens after you get married, it could take a while for his housing allowance to kick in and it is $$expensive$$ there. Especially considering you'll need multiple bedrooms for your kids. Once you're married you can try to get a house on base but what's your plan if there's a waiting list? I mean this is an overseas move you're talking about, I'm not trying to be mean but I really don't think you're thinking this through all the way if you think you're gonna be able to fly over there, get married, and move all in one shot. If it was just you maybe, but that's not gonna work with your kids.

    Also really get introspective and figure out what your rush is. Was marriage on the table before you knew he was moving to Hawaii? It's generally not a great idea to marry somebody just to stay together. Also, just to reiterate, this is going to be super expensive. I'm not trying to make rude assumptions about your income but the fact that you're talking about picking up extra shifts at work and moving back in with your parents isn't giving me the impression that you're a millionaire or anything. This dude is paying for a divorce and won't have housing allowance for a while and without that, Hawaii really isn't livable on a soldier's salary at most pay grades.

    I mean just to give you an idea, my two bedroom townhouse in Hawaii was about $1500 back in 2011, so it's surely higher now. And that was basically the cheapest place we could find, and it was absolutely not a neighborhood I'd wanna raise kids in. Our neighbors were trash, we had prostitutes on the corner every night a couple blocks away, there was some naked guy who lived in the park down the street. Like literally a naked guy, sometimes he wore an army jacket but that's it. So anyway just for that place was $1500 a month and just to move in probably cost us around $4000. We shared a car there but with kids you're probably gonna need your own, so that's another expense. You can find an island beater but it'll probably be full of roaches, fair warning.
  3. Fresh Newbie
    arierosie's Avatar
    arierosie is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    10
    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    I have no direct experience with this but I'm pretty sure he can get in a lot of trouble for moving stuff that isn't his. How anybody will know the furniture isn't his, what the consequences would be, no idea. But he needs to figure all that out and assess whether the risk is worth it to him. Also, be aware that furniture in Hawaii is stupid expensive and for the most part its the same mass produced stuff you find everywhere else. Setting up a home there requires significant money.

    It's simply not a good idea to plan to move yourself and your kids at the same time you're trying to get married. Way too much can go wrong. First of all, where are you gonna stay and for how long? There's a hotel on base but idk if you're allowed to stay there and it's not cheap. I don't remember any other hotels nearby either and the area surrounding Schofield Barracks isn't that great? I loved it there so I don't wanna be nasty but it's not the kinda place I'd wanna wander around too much alone, if you catch my drift. And you *need* a car in Hawaii. You need to take different highways to get basically anywhere and although I never had to use public transit, I only ever heard that it's useless.

    As far as what happens after you get married, it could take a while for his housing allowance to kick in and it is $$expensive$$ there. Especially considering you'll need multiple bedrooms for your kids. Once you're married you can try to get a house on base but what's your plan if there's a waiting list? I mean this is an overseas move you're talking about, I'm not trying to be mean but I really don't think you're thinking this through all the way if you think you're gonna be able to fly over there, get married, and move all in one shot. If it was just you maybe, but that's not gonna work with your kids.

    Also really get introspective and figure out what your rush is. Was marriage on the table before you knew he was moving to Hawaii? It's generally not a great idea to marry somebody just to stay together. Also, just to reiterate, this is going to be super expensive. I'm not trying to make rude assumptions about your income but the fact that you're talking about picking up extra shifts at work and moving back in with your parents isn't giving me the impression that you're a millionaire or anything. This dude is paying for a divorce and won't have housing allowance for a while and without that, Hawaii really isn't livable on a soldier's salary at most pay grades.

    I mean just to give you an idea, my two bedroom townhouse in Hawaii was about $1500 back in 2011, so it's surely higher now. And that was basically the cheapest place we could find, and it was absolutely not a neighborhood I'd wanna raise kids in. Our neighbors were trash, we had prostitutes on the corner every night a couple blocks away, there was some naked guy who lived in the park down the street. Like literally a naked guy, sometimes he wore an army jacket but that's it. So anyway just for that place was $1500 a month and just to move in probably cost us around $4000. We shared a car there but with kids you're probably gonna need your own, so that's another expense. You can find an island beater but it'll probably be full of roaches, fair warning.
    He currently lives off post so it would be pretty easy to swap out my stuff with his, so unless they demand receipts for anything I doubt this will be an issue having them pack it. He will just have to figure out a place to store it once it arrives in Hawaii. Also, I've heard that things are more expensive, but I'm pretty good at finding bargains on furniture and such so I don't believe this will be a problem. The few things I will need I will be able to purchase with my tax return. They have Walmarts, which is where I do 99% of my shopping for everything anyways.

    Going to Hawaii before we're married is only a scenario if he cannot get leave to fly here in January. I didn't plan on wandering around alone anyways?? My boyfriend will be down there already, and he is having his car shipped so that's not an issue. If he's able to take leave in January then we can get married here and I will stay until he finds housing. I would prefer living on base because the schools are better so if there's a waiting list then obviously we will be waiting.

    I don't mean to be rude, but it's really none of your business to question my relationship when I didn't ask for advice on it. For the record, even if he wasn't leaving we would be getting married eventually. He adores my children and neither one of us wants to wait 2-3 years before starting our life together. I'm not a millionaire, but I'm going to go ahead and assume nobody else here is either. I have a friend who made the move to Hawaii to be with her boyfriend and I know for a fact she's not a millionaire. So because my lease is up in October anyways means it's not a smart idea to do what I can to save money? Obviously I don't plan to be here for another year so why would I renew my lease? It would just be money down the drain. I only mentioned the divorce because it won't be finalized before he goes so that's why we have to wait in the first place. Also, his ex has taken care of the filing and it won't be a long drawn out process where he has to pay a lawyer any kind of fees. I plan on getting a job when I'm down there so Hawaii not being livable on a soldier's salary doesn't really affect me.

    Like I said, the plan is to wait for housing on base because of the better schools. I can pay security and rent until BAH kicks in, so that's not a problem. The reason I'm not bringing my car is because I am leasing it and the lease will be up soon. I don't plan on buying an "island beater" but going to an actual dealer so again, this won't be an issue.
  4. Senior Member
    dekeoboe's Avatar
    dekeoboe is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    3,832
    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by arierosie View Post
    Can I move this stuff to his apartment and pass it off as his in order for them to move it?
    That would be considered Fraud.

    As far as where you end up staying once you get to HI, the answer is any place you can afford. And if he is living in the barracks, he is likely going to have to move out of the barracks once you get married. Perhaps he can go house hunting before you get there. I would not count on being able to move on post right after getting married. I don't know what the rules are regarding having to have command sponsorship or not, but he won't be able to get on the housing list until you are married and it is unlikely they will have an open house when he puts his name on the list.
  5. Senior Member
    Heisenberg's Avatar
    Heisenberg is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    South Florida
    Posts
    16,413
    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by arierosie View Post
    He currently lives off post so it would be pretty easy to swap out my stuff with his, so unless they demand receipts for anything I doubt this will be an issue having them pack it. He will just have to figure out a place to store it once it arrives in Hawaii. Also, I've heard that things are more expensive, but I'm pretty good at finding bargains on furniture and such so I don't believe this will be a problem. The few things I will need I will be able to purchase with my tax return. They have Walmarts, which is where I do 99% of my shopping for everything anyways.

    Going to Hawaii before we're married is only a scenario if he cannot get leave to fly here in January. I didn't plan on wandering around alone anyways?? My boyfriend will be down there already, and he is having his car shipped so that's not an issue. If he's able to take leave in January then we can get married here and I will stay until he finds housing. I would prefer living on base because the schools are better so if there's a waiting list then obviously we will be waiting.

    I don't mean to be rude, but it's really none of your business to question my relationship when I didn't ask for advice on it. For the record, even if he wasn't leaving we would be getting married eventually. He adores my children and neither one of us wants to wait 2-3 years before starting our life together. I'm not a millionaire, but I'm going to go ahead and assume nobody else here is either. I have a friend who made the move to Hawaii to be with her boyfriend and I know for a fact she's not a millionaire. So because my lease is up in October anyways means it's not a smart idea to do what I can to save money? Obviously I don't plan to be here for another year so why would I renew my lease? It would just be money down the drain. I only mentioned the divorce because it won't be finalized before he goes so that's why we have to wait in the first place. Also, his ex has taken care of the filing and it won't be a long drawn out process where he has to pay a lawyer any kind of fees. I plan on getting a job when I'm down there so Hawaii not being livable on a soldier's salary doesn't really affect me.

    Like I said, the plan is to wait for housing on base because of the better schools. I can pay security and rent until BAH kicks in, so that's not a problem. The reason I'm not bringing my car is because I am leasing it and the lease will be up soon. I don't plan on buying an "island beater" but going to an actual dealer so again, this won't be an issue.
    Of course it's not my business, but since I know first hand how absurdly expensive it is to live in Hawaii I'm just passing along info. You're def gonna be wandering around alone at some point while you're there because he's gonna have to work, he'll be in the field, he might deploy, etc etc etc so you should really be aware of what the area is like before you bring your young kids to live there. And btw Walmart in the rest of the US is NOT like the Walmart in Hawaii, at least when I was there the walmarts were all super tiny and barely stocked anything, and everybody shops at Kmart instead. But regardless of where you shop, expect everything to be more expensive. and id be seriously wary of used furniture in Hawaii. Bedbugs, roaches, etc. maybe that doesn't bother you but it would surely bother me.
  6. Senior Member
    Sabrina22LE's Avatar
    Sabrina22LE is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    1,394
    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by arierosie View Post
    He currently lives off post so it would be pretty easy to swap out my stuff with his, so unless they demand receipts for anything I doubt this will be an issue having them pack it. He will just have to figure out a place to store it once it arrives in Hawaii. Also, I've heard that things are more expensive, but I'm pretty good at finding bargains on furniture and such so I don't believe this will be a problem. The few things I will need I will be able to purchase with my tax return. They have Walmarts, which is where I do 99% of my shopping for everything anyways.

    Going to Hawaii before we're married is only a scenario if he cannot get leave to fly here in January. I didn't plan on wandering around alone anyways?? My boyfriend will be down there already, and he is having his car shipped so that's not an issue. If he's able to take leave in January then we can get married here and I will stay until he finds housing. I would prefer living on base because the schools are better so if there's a waiting list then obviously we will be waiting.

    I don't mean to be rude, but it's really none of your business to question my relationship when I didn't ask for advice on it. For the record, even if he wasn't leaving we would be getting married eventually. He adores my children and neither one of us wants to wait 2-3 years before starting our life together. I'm not a millionaire, but I'm going to go ahead and assume nobody else here is either. I have a friend who made the move to Hawaii to be with her boyfriend and I know for a fact she's not a millionaire. So because my lease is up in October anyways means it's not a smart idea to do what I can to save money? Obviously I don't plan to be here for another year so why would I renew my lease? It would just be money down the drain. I only mentioned the divorce because it won't be finalized before he goes so that's why we have to wait in the first place. Also, his ex has taken care of the filing and it won't be a long drawn out process where he has to pay a lawyer any kind of fees. I plan on getting a job when I'm down there so Hawaii not being livable on a soldier's salary doesn't really affect me.

    Like I said, the plan is to wait for housing on base because of the better schools. I can pay security and rent until BAH kicks in, so that's not a problem. The reason I'm not bringing my car is because I am leasing it and the lease will be up soon. I don't plan on buying an "island beater" but going to an actual dealer so again, this won't be an issue.
    How long have you been dating? Have you seen him under a lot of stress? How does he handle anger? What kind of patience does he have? Is his parenting style compatible with yours? As a mother you should be asking yourself these questions and making sure that this is smart, safe, and practical before throwing yourself and your young children all the way to Hawaii. It sounds irresponsible. Why not wait until everything is planned out?

    I also think you're severely underestimating how expensive living in Hawaii is. You say you'll just shop at Walmart, but even Walmart is going to be more expensive there than in the states. You're going to be paying thousands for a tiny house and how do you know you'll have enough to pay the rent until BAH kicks in? How much do you have saved? BAH can sometimes take months to kick in(it took ours about 2 months) not to mention you'll be paying deposits, first and last, etc. Then there's bills, possibly deposits on those, furniture, food, the plane tickets to get there.

    You say you'll just go and get a job, but it's really not that simple, first you'll probably need a car to get to work and you don't want a beater. Do you know his credit score? Buying a new car is going to be another big expense. Have you looked at employment possibilities in the area? Do you have any experience, degrees, certificates, or other qualifications? If you work who will watch your children?

    By the way, you DID ask for advice on you relationship, so don't get aggresive when people need a little more info.
  7. Fresh Newbie
    arierosie's Avatar
    arierosie is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    10
    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    Of course it's not my business, but since I know first hand how absurdly expensive it is to live in Hawaii I'm just passing along info. You're def gonna be wandering around alone at some point while you're there because he's gonna have to work, he'll be in the field, he might deploy, etc etc etc so you should really be aware of what the area is like before you bring your young kids to live there. And btw Walmart in the rest of the US is NOT like the Walmart in Hawaii, at least when I was there the walmarts were all super tiny and barely stocked anything, and everybody shops at Kmart instead. But regardless of where you shop, expect everything to be more expensive. and id be seriously wary of used furniture in Hawaii. Bedbugs, roaches, etc. maybe that doesn't bother you but it would surely bother me.
    I know he's going to have to work, but I also have a friend who lives down there and a friend who used to live down there. I don't go anywhere alone even now unless I know the area and have navigated it with someone else, so I don't think that will be a problem. Also, the friend who used to live there only left 2 years ago. I meant used furniture as in hard stuff. I would never buy used mattresses or other soft items unless I knew and trusted the person selling it.

    Anyways, we really wanted to get married on January 23rd so I was really only asking what the best way to go about it is since he's leaving in a few months and I will still be here. I know if I had been on his original orders then we would be able to stay in a hotel until we found housing, but I was curious how it works when we're getting married after he's already stationed there. Money isn't an issue as I am working and saving money currently, and my tax return will be able to provide some starter furniture at least.
  8. Senior Member
    Allybeth's Avatar
    Allybeth is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    730
    #8
    Don't you need command sponsorship to Hawaii?
  9. Senior Member
    Heisenberg's Avatar
    Heisenberg is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    South Florida
    Posts
    16,413
    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by arierosie View Post
    I know he's going to have to work, but I also have a friend who lives down there and a friend who used to live down there. I don't go anywhere alone even now unless I know the area and have navigated it with someone else, so I don't think that will be a problem. Also, the friend who used to live there only left 2 years ago. I meant used furniture as in hard stuff. I would never buy used mattresses or other soft items unless I knew and trusted the person selling it.

    Anyways, we really wanted to get married on January 23rd so I was really only asking what the best way to go about it is since he's leaving in a few months and I will still be here. I know if I had been on his original orders then we would be able to stay in a hotel until we found housing, but I was curious how it works when we're getting married after he's already stationed there. Money isn't an issue as I am working and saving money currently, and my tax return will be able to provide some starter furniture at least.
    Btw once you get married, do your kids become his dependents by default or does he have to legally adopt them? That's another thing to consider, I don't have kids so idk what the rules are but idk if your kids can go to base schools or be treated at MTFs.

    I'd also definitely start looking for jobs well before you go there. There are a ton of people on that island so there's a lot of competition even for shitty retail jobs. I mean I don't doubt you'll be able to find something but it could take a minute.
  10. Senior Member
    Heisenberg's Avatar
    Heisenberg is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    South Florida
    Posts
    16,413
    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Allybeth View Post
    Don't you need command sponsorship to Hawaii?
    Not really. I didn't do any of the EFMP stuff until after I moved. You need command sponsorship for COLA etc but unless the rules have changed, she's not on his orders anyway so idk what other difference command sponsorship would make.
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •