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Thread: Moving Across Country With Anxiety

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    #1

    Moving Across Country With Anxiety

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    My husband is currently in basic training, he leaves the day he graduates for his job training. Yesterday I received a letter from him asking me to move across the country with our 2 beautiful daughters. I have some pretty high anxiety and have just adjusted to my medication while he's been gone. It's been a month now since he left and he's begging for me to move our family across country when he goes to his job training. I've been having trouble sleeping and had trouble working at my job. I just feel like crying all the time and my anxiety has got me all over the place. I guess I could just use some advice. Both of our parents say that it wouldn't be worth the move for only 6 months, however my husband and everyone else says it'd be good to move now to adjust to the army's needs and short notice moves in the future. I've lived in this town for 21 years, and I'm only about to turn 25 years old. I've rarely traveled, and never that far away. I want to be with him but how do I deal with the anxiety and sleep deprivation, especially with two little ones and a job of my own? He's wanting us to move in a month and a half. We weren't planning on moving until he got his orders in early 2018. I'm just not sure if I should up my anxiety meds and ask for sleeping meds or what the heck I should do. He's wanting us to move on base but I checked it out and the ones available for his BAH are very small and only 2 bedrooms when we could live off base for cheaper and have more bedrooms and more sqft. Just looking for someone who's been there I guess. Sorry if I'm ranting guys, I don't have many friends to talk to and the ones I do just day "Well of course you're moving, he's your family" and don't really understand what it's like to have anxiety like I do and lose sleep over something like this with kids. Plus none are military wives. Just someone please 😟 and by the way he hasn't received any of the letters I've written to him and I've received all of his. What the heck is going on? Would they hold his mail or something? I haven't even gotten a call from him because when he left our cell phone service was turned off and he hasn't received my letter yet saying it's been turned back on. He's upset he hasn't gotten any mail from me and all his friends have been getting mail from their families. I just don't understand.
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    I understand your husband wants you and the kids close but it really makes no sense to move for 6 months and I don't think I would either. I'd just have a conversation with him. You said he hasn't received any of your letters, so he may not realize how bad your anxiety is, and you need to definitely tell him that it's best for you to stay put for now. Two moves in 6 months would stress anyone out.
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    At least in the navy the general rule is the school is 6 months or less they won't move the families. Not sure about the army but you moving out there could be very much on your dime. Weather you are doing the packing yourself and renting the truck or hiring someone. That is A LOT of money and stress and everything.
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    Also, if you move on a non-Navy-funded move, then you may end up also having to foot the bill for some of the next move, if it ends up being more expensive than it would have been from your original home.

    Even just setting aside the anxiety and everything else, I don't think I'd move for 6 months, in most circumstances.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Allybeth View Post
    I understand your husband wants you and the kids close but it really makes no sense to move for 6 months and I don't think I would either. I'd just have a conversation with him. You said he hasn't received any of your letters, so he may not realize how bad your anxiety is, and you need to definitely tell him that it's best for you to stay put for now. Two moves in 6 months would stress anyone out.
    Totally agree with this. You just need to talk to him about how you feel when he gets out of basic training.
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    I can tell you that while your SO is in basic he will experiencing a lot of emotions and may not be thinking lots of things through. I think you need to talk to him when he gets out of basic. Moving for a short amount of time with kids is going to be really hard. I would not move and wait until he has a duty station and then move because there you at least have more of a chance that you will be there for a few years.
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    #7
    Like many others mentioned I believe this might mainly come down to a lack of communication. This is a stressful time for both you and your spouse and without him having the information from your end he is likely unable to understand the struggles you have been going through back home. I completely understand why you both would prefer to spend those 6-months together but it doesn't seem like it would be worth the time, money or stress that it would possibly cause your family to adjust. In my opinion, I would wait until you can speak to your SO about this in a space where he could understand why it may not be the best situation for your family. Remember you have both families support if you need it. I would also frame your position by reminding your SO that you would be with him if it was what was best for the whole family and that you look forward to being together again in the future.

    As for your anxiety, I recommend that you frequently seek counsel from a mental-health professional such as a psychiatrist for medication management especially if it is causing you daily distress. I also think talk therapy of some kind may be helpful as you sort through difficult dilemmas that may be adding to your stress. Lastly, I commend you for reaching out to a support network such as this one. Seeking advice is another way to alleviate possible worry and stress. I hope things work out for the best between your SO and family! Good luck making a decision!

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