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Thread: Almost a Navy wife

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    Almost a Navy wife

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    Hi everyone I'm new to this place and have been searching for a forum like this for a while now to speak to other women about the situation I'm in and I need advice from someone other than my family and friends and fiancé.. I've been with my man for almost three years and have been engaged for almost two. Our entire relationship has been long distance and we live two hours from one another. Due to school and work and everything else life throws your way we have had some ups and downs as far as seeing one another but this year has been great cause we've been seeing each other every other weekend and spending weekends together now have shown me that I could easily live with him and I know I want to. We both want to be with one another more than anything. My question is should I move with him when he's finished with boot camp? He leaves for basic training on March 7th and will be gone for two months. After that I'm unsure how long it takes for him to move to where he's supposed to be moving for school, which is in Connecticut. I now live in North Carolina. Been here since birth and pretty much all my family lives here as well so I'm gonna be leaving everyone behind and moving with him and everyone is telling me I should wait except for my fiancé. He's going to be there in Connecticut for two years for tech school and my parents keep telling me I'm not going to be able to see him while he's in school. While that may be true 70% of the time I'm still seeing him. We are both super sick of being in a long distance relationship and we both have very bad separation anxiety and neither one of us want to deal with seeing one another only twice a year cause I'm pretty sure that's how it would be given the distance from North Carolina to Connecticut. We are both 21 also. So I just want to ask everyone else if I'm making the right decision about moving for my fiancé and marrying a man in the Navy in a few months or should I continue to stay at home with my parents for the next two to four years. Thanks.
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    #2
    You could move with him, but won't be able to live with him unless you are married. Unless he is married, he is considered single. I don't know anything about tech school though, so I don't know if you could move with him and live with him while he goes through that. But I'm sure other ladies on here know plenty about that and can help.

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    He will probably have to live on base, and you can't live there with him if you aren't married.. Are you prepared to pay rent and all other associated expenses on your own? In a place you don't even have a job yet? Although it sounds like maybe you'd get married first, since at the end of your post you say "marrying a man in the Navy in a few months", so I'm not exactly clear on your plan. If you would marry him so you can move, are you prepared to give up a big wedding? Would your family support the marriage, and if not, are you fully prepared to deal with that disapproval and the damage it could forever do to your relationship with your parents? Are you prepared to be 100% financially (and in every other way) independent if they don't support a quick marriage? And why is it that you haven't married for 2 years of engagement, and yet suddenly now you think that reason has changed and you are ready? Choosing to marry simply because it is convenient with the military is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea. Presumably there's a reason you haven't married in the 2 years you've been engaged. What was that reason, and does that condition still exist?

    Lastly, are you sure he'll be at tech school for 2 years? That seems like a very long time.

    Lastly, you say it is a choice between marrying/moving now, or waiting 2-4 years. I think that's a false dichotomy you've created in order to justify a rushed move and maybe rushed marriage. There's a lot of space between now (or after boot camp, really) and 2-4 years. You could wait until he gets there and see if you like it, you could apply for jobs and wait until you find one. You could wait a year and reassess everything at that time. It isn't "now or 2-4 years".
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thefoxpatronus View Post
    Hi everyone I'm new to this place and have been searching for a forum like this for a while now to speak to other women about the situation I'm in and I need advice from someone other than my family and friends and fiancé.. I've been with my man for almost three years and have been engaged for almost two. Our entire relationship has been long distance and we live two hours from one another. Due to school and work and everything else life throws your way we have had some ups and downs as far as seeing one another but this year has been great cause we've been seeing each other every other weekend and spending weekends together now have shown me that I could easily live with him and I know I want to. We both want to be with one another more than anything.

    My question is should I move with him when he's finished with boot camp? He leaves for basic training on March 7th and will be gone for two months. After that I'm unsure how long it takes for him to move to where he's supposed to be moving for school, which is in Connecticut. I now live in North Carolina. Been here since birth and pretty much all my family lives here as well so I'm gonna be leaving everyone behind and moving with him and everyone is telling me I should wait except for my fiancé. He's going to be there in Connecticut for two years for tech school and my parents keep telling me I'm not going to be able to see him while he's in school. While that may be true 70% of the time I'm still seeing him.

    We are both super sick of being in a long distance relationship and we both have very bad separation anxiety and neither one of us want to deal with seeing one another only twice a year cause I'm pretty sure that's how it would be given the distance from North Carolina to Connecticut. We are both 21 also. So I just want to ask everyone else if I'm making the right decision about moving for my fiancé and marrying a man in the Navy in a few months or should I continue to stay at home with my parents for the next two to four years. Thanks.
    If you're 21, why do you have to live with your parents the next 4 years if you decide not to get married?

    I believe Air Force does Tech School while Navy/Marines do A School. Are you sure his MOS school is going to last 2 years because that seems unusually long? What is his MOS?

    I'm not sure if you know this, but unmarried junior enlisted can't live outside of the barracks for a certain time or until they hit a certain rank. Depending on how long his school is, I believe you are allowed to move up with him *as long as you're married*. I think you would have needed to have been married before he joined though, not while he's at school. For DH (then DB), A and C school had pretty standard hours and he was off most weekends unless he had duty. I don't know why you were told if you were married and living up there with him that you'd never see him while he was at school.

    Now that you have more information, don't go running off to get married just yet. It sounds like your primary reason to get married right now is so you don't have to be apart. Also, if you plan on getting married before he goes to basic, some branches require a waiver for dependents and that can effect his ship date and eligibility. Talk to his recruiter first if you want to marry before his ship date.




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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    He will probably have to live on base, and you can't live there with him if you aren't married.. Are you prepared to pay rent and all other associated expenses on your own? In a place you don't even have a job yet? Although it sounds like maybe you'd get married first, since at the end of your post you say "marrying a man in the Navy in a few months", so I'm not exactly clear on your plan. If you would marry him so you can move, are you prepared to give up a big wedding? Would your family support the marriage, and if not, are you fully prepared to deal with that disapproval and the damage it could forever do to your relationship with your parents? Are you prepared to be 100% financially (and in every other way) independent if they don't support a quick marriage? And why is it that you haven't married for 2 years of engagement, and yet suddenly now you think that reason has changed and you are ready? Choosing to marry simply because it is convenient with the military is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea. Presumably there's a reason you haven't married in the 2 years you've been engaged. What was that reason, and does that condition still exist?

    Lastly, are you sure he'll be at tech school for 2 years? That seems like a very long time.

    Lastly, you say it is a choice between marrying/moving now, or waiting 2-4 years. I think that's a false dichotomy you've created in order to justify a rushed move and maybe rushed marriage. There's a lot of space between now (or after boot camp, really) and 2-4 years. You could wait until he gets there and see if you like it, you could apply for jobs and wait until you find one. You could wait a year and reassess everything at that time. It isn't "now or 2-4 years".

    First off yes I guess I should've made it more clear that we are planning on getting married and I'm planning on living on a base with him. I'm asking about if I should marry or stay at home while he's in tech school. I know for a fact that my fiancé will be in tech school for two years so it's not anything I've made up to justify anything and you don't know anything about me nor my relationship so I don't even know why you would say something like that to a post you just read. My family supports my decision no matter what it is. And neither of us want a big wedding we are private people and will be getting married in a courthouse with just the two of us. There's no rush and obviously because we are young we waited to get married and because we were both living in separate areas due to the distance. If you had read my entire post instead of making suggestions about me as a person than you would know that by now. Thanks.
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    Thank you very much!
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    Quote Originally Posted by caljmw649 View Post
    You could move with him, but won't be able to live with him unless you are married. Unless he is married, he is considered single. I don't know anything about tech school though, so I don't know if you could move with him and live with him while he goes through that. But I'm sure other ladies on here know plenty about that and can help.

    And to the site!
    Thank you very much!
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    Quote Originally Posted by idratherbehiking View Post
    If you're 21, why do you have to live with your parents the next 4 years if you decide not to get married?

    I believe Air Force does Tech School while Navy/Marines do A School. Are you sure his MOS school is going to last 2 years because that seems unusually long? What is his MOS?

    I'm not sure if you know this, but unmarried junior enlisted can't live outside of the barracks for a certain time or until they hit a certain rank. Depending on how long his school is, I believe you are allowed to move up with him *as long as you're married*. I think you would have needed to have been married before he joined though, not while he's at school. For DH (then DB), A and C school had pretty standard hours and he was off most weekends unless he had duty. I don't know why you were told if you were married and living up there with him that you'd never see him while he was at school.

    Now that you have more information, don't go running off to get married just yet. It sounds like your primary reason to get married right now is so you don't have to be apart. Also, if you plan on getting married before he goes to basic, some branches require a waiver for dependents and that can effect his ship date and eligibility. Talk to his recruiter first if you want to marry before his ship date.


    I don't have to live with my parents. I'm saying I could do either. There's no reason for me to move out of my parents home unless it is to get married and move away with my fiancé.

    Thank you for the info. We do plan to marry before we actually move (if I decide to) and before he is in school. People keep telling me that's how it's going to be but it sounds like you have actual experience so you would know.
    Honestly the real struggle I'm having here is because my parents act like its a choice I'm making and they're making me feel guilty. I'm an only child and their whole lives have been about me so they act like I'm making a mistake by taking a chance and growing up. They're very controlling and I just think it's about control at this point. But I'm not just marrying and moving because we don't want to be apart, it's because we are actually ready to take that next step.. Have been for a while but haven't been able to. We've had plans in the past that fell through. This time we're just hoping it all works out for the best.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thefoxpatronus View Post
    First off yes I guess I should've made it more clear that we are planning on getting married and I'm planning on living on a base with him. I'm asking about if I should marry or stay at home while he's in tech school. I know for a fact that my fiancé will be in tech school for two years so it's not anything I've made up to justify anything and you don't know anything about me nor my relationship so I don't even know why you would say something like that to a post you just read. My family supports my decision no matter what it is. And neither of us want a big wedding we are private people and will be getting married in a courthouse with just the two of us. There's no rush and obviously because we are young we waited to get married and because we were both living in separate areas due to the distance. If you had read my entire post instead of making suggestions about me as a person than you would know that by now. Thanks.
    You misunderstood. yes, I questions 2 years at tech school, but if you reread, you'll see that is not what I suggested you might be using to justify things to yourself. Those were two separate points: 1) are you sure it is 2 years (what is his job?) and 2) there are choices in between marry now or wait 2-4 years. I said that framing it as a choice between now or 2-4 years is a false choice. You can marry in a year, or when you find a job up there, or any number of things. So yeah, reread what I actually said.

    Nuke A school is about 2 years IIRC, but that is not in Connecticut. All the others I know of are months long, not years, though admittedly I am not familiar with every rate/A school.

    Also, be aware that you may not be able to live on base, even after you are married. Housing availability varies by base and is in no way a sure thing. If it isn't available, he'd be allowed to live in civilian housing if he's married, but you'll have to be able to pay rent (he would get BAH) and utilities.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Thefoxpatronus View Post
    There's no reason for me to move out of my parents home unless it is to get married and move away with my fiancé.
    Actually, there are many reasons to move out of your parents' home before getting married. It is something I always strongly advocate people do.
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