How do you decide...

[KevzQueen]

on who "supports" whom? Let's say my husband wants to be in the service forever, but I do not want him to stay in. I notice that some people may support their husband's decision even though they do not agree with it. Would I not be supporting him since I do not want to move around so much and would rather stay in one place to have a career? If so, he wouldn't be supporting my decision by wanting to stay in, right? I don't know if that came out right, but I hope you get what I mean.

[Me&D]

edited at DH's request

[Rach]

Hmm....Good question. For us, I would not be happy if he chose to stay in the Navy. Not only do I want him home with us and the stable home life, I want the stable home life for myself so I can have a career. Sure, I could find another job in another state and so on, but I want to establish myself somewhere in one spot. I guess when it comes down to it, if he truly was going to be absolutely MISERABLE not staying in the Navy, than I'd support him. If he one day got the bright idea to stay in, we'd have to have a serious talk. I'd hav to know his reasons and the reasons would have to be damn good. In a way, I have a mind set that I'll probably be giving more in the relationship if it were to come down to that b/c I'd be the one sacrificing something.

That might sound sad, but I guess it's just not something I feel so strongly on. For me, my #1 priority is my family. He might not have the same view if he is choosing to stay in knowing my views, but that is mine and I'd do what was needed to keep the family together. I guess b/c I love him and care about him so much, I'd support him & choose to be happy, knowing that would make him happy. I would deal with what I got and have a career in other ways.

[Potatocup]

We are going through that now. I would prefer he got out for a stable life, more time with family and so that I can stay with my career. He agrees with that but he has no desire to do anything outside of the Navy. I told him of course i would support him because i think we'd all be more miserable at home with him in a job he hated than him gone in a job he likes. but he has to make some sacrifices when it comes to where he goes and what he does. i'm not moving every 2 years because i can't have a job where i don't travel but move every 2 years. someone is sacrificing something either way, but i guess it's a matter of which sacrifice will have the least negative effect.

[Brandi]

Well, I don't necessarily LOVE the navy way of life, but I can DEAL with it because I see how happy it makes him. Would I prefer that we had a "normal" life (in the sense of not having to move around, monday-friday 9-5, etc)? Hell yes, I do. I would love to find somewhere to settle down and live there for the rest of my life. I would truly be happy in doing that. However, I know for a fact that Jason loves his job, he loves the structure of the Navy and would not be happy doing anything else. That is enough for me to find the positives of the life and deal with it. I am sacrirficing certain desires I have, such as being able to settle down somewhere and not move around. BUT, I feel like seeing him really happy with what he does on a daily basis is enough in return. I can't imagine him getting out just because I wanted him to, then being miserable every day knowing that he could be doing something else that he loves. That would KILL me. I couldn't deal with it and I would never ask him to do that. Until he's ready to get out (which will be sometime between 20-30 years), I'll continue supporting him and finding all of the positive things about this life that I can. One day, he will be out, we will own a house that we'll grow old in, etc. I really think it's about sacrifice and comprimise. What is more important to you? It's going to come down to what you can both live with or without.

[MichelleB]

I think there has to be a compromise on both parts. If one person completly gives in when they really don't want to, then that can cause problems later on. But in some instances, like Brandi, she is totally willing to support her husband's career.

I don't like John being in the Navy, but for right now it's the best thing for all of us. He wants to get out next year instead of reenlisting, but we both know it would be best for him to do a few more years, finish school, and let me get established in my career. If he wanted to stay in until retirement, then I would be fine with that. I can teache whereever we go. I HATE moving around, but since I've never been out of Florida, I really can't say how much I would mind being somewhere else for a while.

[Chevy_Gurl]

For us, No matter what he chooses.. to stay in, change branches, or get out I will follow him. I am good at H.R. and can find another company with no problem. I am also a licensed CNA and could go into the health field again if I choose to where ever we go. He supports me in knowing that I want to finish school and just be with the kids. As I support him in wanting to stay in the military and transfer branches next year. Yes the military life isn't the most stable, as in them being home, but not all civilian jobs are stable either. I would rather have him continue to stay in and be proud of what he does and who he is then be a civilian and always hating his job 24/7.

[galxy8]

Originally Posted by Brandi Well, I don't necessarily LOVE the navy way of life, but I can DEAL with it because I see how happy it makes him. Would I prefer that we had a "normal" life (in the sense of not having to move around, monday-friday 9-5, etc)? Hell yes, I do. I would love to find somewhere to settle down and live there for the rest of my life. I would truly be happy in doing that. However, I know for a fact that Jason loves his job, he loves the structure of the Navy and would not be happy doing anything else. That is enough for me to find the positives of the life and deal with it. I am sacrirficing certain desires I have, such as being able to settle down somewhere and not move around. BUT, I feel like seeing him really happy with what he does on a daily basis is enough in return. I can't imagine him getting out just because I wanted him to, then being miserable every day knowing that he could be doing something else that he loves. That would KILL me. I couldn't deal with it and I would never ask him to do that. Until he's ready to get out (which will be sometime between 20-30 years), I'll continue supporting him and finding all of the positive things about this life that I can. One day, he will be out, we will own a house that we'll grow old in, etc. I really think it's about sacrifice and comprimise. What is more important to you? It's going to come down to what you can both live with or without.

Troy's been in long enough that he might as well finish it off. LOL! We're near the half-way point, so turning back now to us would be giving up a lot later on. And I'm so used to this life, now. It took a lot to get used to, but I can't imagine our lives being any different, now. LOL! As for the resentment, I think if I felt any, we wouldn't be married still. I would've took it out on him and been done and out of his life by now. LOL!

One of my friends, she did hold resentment toward his career, and it was the one thing that tore their marriage apart. I've seen more military marriages break up than I have civilian ones. It's hard on people, and it can take a toll on what was once a loving, caring relationship. If there's resentment there, it will always rear it's head sooner or later. Anyways, HTH.

[Jennygirl]

I have a degree and a good job, but i would move every other month if i had too...I knew going in thats what he wanted, so it would be wrong of me to even think otherwise...

[KevzQueen]

Thanks for responding, I just wanted to hear opinions. He isn't thinking about staying in. If we can get moved back to Jax or closeby, we will re enlist for a little while. That's more of a way for us to save money since they will only move us to San Diego. As long as it isn't a boonie town, I'm ok with sacrificing. Sigh No telling what we'll end up doing though. We are always talking about different options. We're about as lost as they come!