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Thread: maybe this will be a better place to ask...

  1. Old Newbie
    troopersgirl24's Avatar
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    #1

    maybe this will be a better place to ask...

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    Im relatively new to the army way of life and completely ignorant on this subject so here goes and TIA ladies!

    DB was stationed at Ft Bragg and is currently deployed. We have talked about getting married and all that good stuff when he gets home because he was getting out of the army shortly after BUT he got offered a position in Germany and decided to take it. We’ve decided to stay together, even though we both know its going to be hard as hell, but if we make it through this, well, I think we’ll be good to go. Heres where the problem starts… as much as I would love to and be willing to pack up and move with him, im going to college and will be there for the next 4 years, which is how long he’ll be in Germany and if I dropped college to run off with a soldier, my dad would flip his sh*t. And yes, I know in the back of my head getting the degree is the smart, rational thing to do, so that’s what I have to do. So my question is… how often will he be able to come back and see me or will he be able to at all? I know I’ll be able to go see him but is there a possibility that I could live with him during the summers when I am out of school? I don’t know anything about base housing.

    Also, Id like to ask, drawing from your own experiences… I talked with a co-worker of my moms who was in the army and he told me to be ready for DB to get serious in a hurry (and im also curious because 2 of my cousins, including one who is stationed in Japan, both proposed and got married right before they left). He said especially since we have already talked about settling down, that once he comes back and we are together and know for sure we want to make it work, he may decide the best thing to do is get married before he leaves. Obviously I know this is a possibility but I just wanted to get yalls take on it
  2. Super Grammar Girl to the rescue!
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    #2
    Oh my, well my DH and I got married because he was being stationed in Germany. We were already planning on it, it just happened a lots faster than we anticipated. I also was going to college, paying my own way, living on my own. I chose to leave and come here.

    There is a college on post at all the bases, UMUC. It doesn't have a lot of degree options but it's something you can check out. We also have a community college, Central Texas College. Online there is University of Phoenix and American Military University. Some of UMUC's classes are offered online as well. I don't know how that will affect your decision, but I've found when dealing with parents, proving that you've explored your options is a sign of maturity and they tend to listen.

    As far as how often he'll be able to come back, twice a year at the most. They get leave at Christmas and in July for most places. That's ignoring deployments and getting sent to the field, etc.

    Unless he is an officer or senior enlisted, he will live on post in the barracks. If he lives in the barracks, no you cannot come stay with him in the barracks. You would have to pay to rent a hotel room. Additionally, you can only come for 90 day periods on a tourist passport.

    As far as getting married, should you decide to get married and come to Germany, if you want to be able to fly here at the same time he does, you need to be married ASAP. That way you can do all your command sponsorship. Otherwise you'll have to do deferred command sponsorship which can take from 2 weeks to 8 months. Thankfully, you have all of us that know how to do command sponsorship and will walk you through the process.

    I will tell you that the Army life is hard and can frequently be lonely. The subculture can be a little like junior high school with the gossip and rumors that float around. You'll also hear lots of stories like "He was getting deployed so we got married." or "He was on orders to Germany so we got married." It's so common that the people that get strange looks are the ones that actually had a long engagement. Part of that is because you mean nothing to the Army unless you are a spouse. Soldiers are either single or married.

    If you are coming to Germany, don't be expecting America. Even the post employs tons of Foreign Nationals. It can be quite a culture shock when you realize that you haven't a clue how to read the train schedule, you have to bring your own shopping bags to the grocery store, you are required to use a coin as a deposit for a cart, and there is no such thing as free refills, condiments, or free water with dinner.

    Getting married is a personal choice. Only you and your SO can decide whether it is right or not. Good luck with your choice. If you want to talk more or have any questions, you're welcome to PM me.
    PLAN: The only four letter word the Army doesn't use. -Me
    "If we were a CD, I'd put us on shuffle and repeat." - DH

    Quote Originally Posted by eelo View Post
    Being part of "the military family" will really teach you to reduce your expectations of being kissed while you're getting f****d.
  3. Old Newbie
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    #3
    Wow, thanks. that was a lot more info than i was expecting... thank you!
  4. Junior Member
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    #4
    I dont know about the Germany thing cause we are stationed in the states but I do know about getting married thing. My dh and I have been together for 8 years and have 2 kids and when he joined the army about 2 years ago we had to make the decision if we were going to get married so we could go with him. We decided that it would be the best thing for the kids and us. I couldnt be more happy that we did make the decision. If I was to just have moved with him without being married than we wont be able to live together or get to see each other that much. Being a g/f u doing even matter in the military. If they are letter off soldiers early at work they let the married ones go first when he left for training they always fly the married ones home first cause they got families to go home to. I would talk to ur db and weigh the advantages and disadvantages. I do go to ctc and love it. They offer a lot of different programs for military spouses. Check into it it. I hope this will help u a little.
    Brandy Brooks

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