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Thread: Question about asking for a duty station...

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    #1

    Question about asking for a duty station...

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    I almost feel stupid for asking this, but here it goes:
    My father has brain cancer and my mother is having a really hard time providing for the family and being his caretaker. My dad will not thrive in a "home" (whenever he is in a facility away from home, his health rapidly declines, not only that, but we can't afford it). She needs me there. However, I'm on the other side of the country.
    Now, I know that the Army couldn't care less about me, my dad, or my mom, but I'm hoping that there is some way that we can get them to send us to a duty station closer to my family so I could help. DH swears that they won't move us until we've been at Lewis for at least 3 years. But I thought I would check here and see if maybe, just maybe, we could make this work.
    I don't know what to do. My family needs me and not being there is killing me and causing a lot of stress for my mom.

    I have a feeling I'm going to get a lot of "put him in a home" type answers and that's not an option, so please don't suggest that. He's mentally all there and it would literally kill him to be taken from his family.
    TIA
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    It sucks, but it looks like you're going to have to choose between staying with your family or moving with your DH.

    I'm not 100% sure how the Army works, but in the Navy, the only way to have something like your situation happen (i.e. move to be close to help with family) is when that family member is considered to be part of EFM and is on the sponsor's pg. 2 as a dependent.

    Now, of course, your DH could ask the (person who cuts orders... again, not familiar with Army terms) to see if there are any orders available in that area.

    I know that it really sucks to hear, but if I were you, I'd be more than prepared now (mentally, physically, emotionally) to either be seperated from your family or your husband. (in distance)

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    I asked DH and he said he would have to re-enlist and have the PCS as part of his re-enlistment. Hopefully he's wrong though.
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    #4
    Is there anyway you can go to be with your mom, and dad. I know it sucks to be away from your SO, but it sounds like you really want to help. I dont know much about the army, but with navy every 3 or so years you can change duty stations.
    Control is an illusion, you infantile egomaniac. Nobody knows what's gonna happen next: not on a freeway, not in an airplane, not inside our own bodies and certainly not on a racetrack with 40 other infantile egomaniacs.- Days of Thunder(Nicole Kidman)
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    Quote Originally Posted by J.Ski View Post
    I asked DH and he said he would have to re-enlist and have the PCS as part of his re-enlistment. Hopefully he's wrong though.
    That's what DH said. Only he said that they would still make us stay here for the 3 years.
    I can't chose my family because that wouldn't be fair. We have a son and I can't deprive DH of watching his son grow up. You know?
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    #6
    Im sorry you guys are going through this. I wish i had answers, but i dont, i hope everything works out for you guys.
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    Quote Originally Posted by flowerchild View Post
    That's what DH said. Only he said that they would still make us stay here for the 3 years.
    I can't chose my family because that wouldn't be fair. We have a son and I can't deprive DH of watching his son grow up. You know?
    DH said as long as he's able to re-enlist you wouldn't have to be here 3 years. This is such a tough situation for you.
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    Quote Originally Posted by J.Ski View Post
    DH said as long as he's able to re-enlist you wouldn't have to be here 3 years. This is such a tough situation for you.
    Thanks for the hugs. I appreciate it. I'm so distraught right now. I'm usually so rational and I just can't even think straight at the moment. I'll have to talk to DH, he'll be upset about having to re-enlist (we haven't had the best experience in the military), but you gotta do what you gotta do, right?
    DH said it's his unit that won't let him leave so he'd have to switch units.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by flowerchild View Post
    I almost feel stupid for asking this, but here it goes:
    My father has brain cancer and my mother is having a really hard time providing for the family and being his caretaker. My dad will not thrive in a "home" (whenever he is in a facility away from home, his health rapidly declines, not only that, but we can't afford it). She needs me there. However, I'm on the other side of the country.
    Now, I know that the Army couldn't care less about me, my dad, or my mom, but I'm hoping that there is some way that we can get them to send us to a duty station closer to my family so I could help. DH swears that they won't move us until we've been at Lewis for at least 3 years. But I thought I would check here and see if maybe, just maybe, we could make this work.
    I don't know what to do. My family needs me and not being there is killing me and causing a lot of stress for my mom.

    I have a feeling I'm going to get a lot of "put him in a home" type answers and that's not an option, so please don't suggest that. He's mentally all there and it would literally kill him to be taken from his family.
    TIA
    If it were his family it would be easier. At least if used to be AF wise. But since it is your family I really can't say.

    How it used to work is they just request an emergency medical PCS. My grandma was deathly sick (very serious health issue). We were in Japan and had not been there our whole time yet. My dad put in for that and even though they did not have his job opening there, they retrained him and sent us to where they were. But it was his mom.

    I am sorry your dad is ill. Hugs to your family.
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    #10
    I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time. Cancer has taken way too many of my family members. I'm just going to tell you what I would do because I have had family lose a battle to brain cancer. I would go there and help out your mom with your dad. If you don't go now you may not have a chance later. Then you will beat yourself up over it for a long time. I wouldn't worry about your Dh missing your sons life. I'm sure he will understand. They will be there after all of this but your dad may not. hang in there girl
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