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Thread: HELP! What to Say About Re-enlistment??

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    #1

    HELP! What to Say About Re-enlistment??

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    HELP! My DB just posted a picture of himself signing papers (while deployed) and the comment on facebook his friend wrote reads: "Making a 6-year mistake. lol!"

    Did he really just re-enlist without saying anything? He tells me the plan is to propose once he gets back from deployment. Wants to be married, have kids, the whole 9 yards. But how does this not put our entire relationship on hold for the next 6 years? I absolutely do NOT want to be essentially a single mom if he deploys again down the road, so I will not be having any kiddos until he is done. He doesn't want to be married while he is with the military because of the separation. We'll both be 30 years old then.

    I'm trying so hard to just accept that it is his decision and be happy for him doing what he wants. But this is so hard to think of a level-headed, respectful response at the moment. This decision isn't like when he enlisted as a teenager, now it affects other people too and I'm so hurt he didn't say anything.

    He doesn't know yet that I saw he did it, so when he does bring it up, what do I say that is supportive??
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    #2
    How do you even know they're reenlistment papers? If you're getting that specifically from the comment someone else made, I'd suggest not worrying yourself until you hear from your DB.
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    Quote Originally Posted by EverlastingLove View Post
    How do you even know they're reenlistment papers? If you're getting that specifically from the comment someone else made, I'd suggest not worrying yourself until you hear from your DB.
    I know you're right, but I can't imagine what else he would be signing that is related to 6 years.
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarahs View Post
    I know you're right, but I can't imagine what else he would be signing that is related to 6 years.
    His friend could have just assumed as well. But if that is what it is, you either support him and let him know that or you leave the relationship. Exact words will come from your heart either way.
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    #5
    wow, if they were reenlistment papers I would be gone!!!
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by gunsgirl View Post
    wow, if they were reenlistment papers I would be gone!!!
    Yeah, me too. He doesn't want to get married until he's out, and if he just reenlisted without saying a damn thing to me and postponing marriage then I wouldn't waste my time any longer.


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    #7
    Oh man, this would piss me off so bad.

    I would say, try to give him the benefit of the doubt and when you talk to him, just ask. "Hey, I saw your picture on Facebook. Were you signing re-enlistment papers? It looked like it." You really don't know the full story until you hear it directly from him.

    IMO, this is a HUGE violation of your relationship. If they are re-enlistment papers, then it is a HUGE violation of trust and respect. That is a very big and important decision and it's not a good sign if he didn't at least mention it to you first since it sounds like you two were trying to plan to have a life together.

    I am sending you that this is just a mistake and that the papers were for something else!
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    #8
    Well... He did sign and I told him it was completely his choice, which it was. Our relationship on the other handis different. Not too much longer until he comes home and we can sit down and talk about this face-to-face. I'm so hurt by this, I really believed he was the one. It's really hard to be supportive right now, but we are not tied down, so we will see.

    Deployment changed me too. I am a lot more assertive and independent, and I don't have to put up with this crap.
    Last edited by sarahs; 07-05-2013 at 08:42 AM. Reason: spelling
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by MissNik View Post
    Oh man, this would piss me off so bad.

    I would say, try to give him the benefit of the doubt and when you talk to him, just ask. "Hey, I saw your picture on Facebook. Were you signing re-enlistment papers? It looked like it." You really don't know the full story until you hear it directly from him.

    IMO, this is a HUGE violation of your relationship. If they are re-enlistment papers, then it is a HUGE violation of trust and respect. That is a very big and important decision and it's not a good sign if he didn't at least mention it to you first since it sounds like you two were trying to plan to have a life together.

    I am sending you that this is just a mistake and that the papers were for something else!

    Get the full story first and then go from there. Try to approach it from a constructive (calm) point rather than a destructive (accusatory/angry) one so that the two of you can work through whatever the situation turns out to actually be.
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    #10
    O wow. That was a shitty thing to do- not talk to you before re-enlisting. I would have been beyond pissed also. However, I do think you guys should talk things out and see if you both are on the same page about reenlistment basically meaning putting your life on hold. Maybe he feels slightly differently now and has no problem getting married while he is in. You'd have to decide if that's something you can deal with. You should also let him know that if he still wants to move forward with things what he did was unacceptable and you need to be included in decisions.
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