How can I keep sane for 13 weeks?

[Jess0309]

My husband left for boot about four days ago and the separation has been rough so far. I've had many people basically invalidate my feelings and say that we have it so easy, but like most women in my situation, I'm taking it hard. Is there any advice I could get to maybe make it easier? I've had tons of people tell me just to stay busy. I work and it helps some but I really don't even know where to begin after that. My husband and I usually did everything together, as young couples do, so it's strange to do things alone or try and reconnect with old friends. I'm open to any and all suggestions. Just to make this 13 weeks easier.

[Margot31]

Well yes you try and stay busy. What about any hobbies?

[villanelle]

My husband left for boot about four days ago and the separation has been rough so far. I've had many people basically invalidate my feelings and say that we have it so easy, but like most women in my situation, I'm taking it hard. Is there any advice I could get to maybe make it easier? I've had tons of people tell me just to stay busy. I work and it helps some but I really don't even know where to begin after that. My husband and I usually did everything together, as young couples do, so it's strange to do things alone or try and reconnect with old friends. I'm open to any and all suggestions. Just to make this 13 weeks easier.

My suggestion is that this needs to change, ASAP. And not just for boot, but for deployments, and for when he wants a night out or a guys' weekend, or for Tuesdays--for the rest of your life. It isn't healthy to depend on one person for your entire emotional and entertainment support, and it's also not a fair burden to put on someone. You both need to have other people in your life. Work immediately on building a robust support network.

Your old friends might be understandably a bit hurt that--from the sounds of it--you sort of ditched them, but reach out, apologize for getting overly focused on your DH, and invite them to lunch of coffee or a movie night. Hopefully they can forgive and move on. You can also reach out to people from work or whatever else you have going on. Starting friendships is almost always kind of awkward, but you have to put yourself out there. Make specific invitations for specific things at specific times, rather than "we should grab lunch some time".

Likewise, cultivate your own hobbies and interests. Learn an instrument or a language or to knit. Write a novel or learn to paint. Train for a half marathon. Learn to change the oil on your car. Whatever interests you--use this time to do it. Use the time to work on yourself and move your own life forward. Being a stronger person yourself also makes you stronger partner.

[idratherbehiking]

My husband left for boot about four days ago and the separation has been rough so far. I've had many people basically invalidate my feelings and say that we have it so easy, but like most women in my situation, I'm taking it hard. Is there any advice I could get to maybe make it easier? I've had tons of people tell me just to stay busy. I work and it helps some but I really don't even know where to begin after that. My husband and I usually did everything together, as young couples do, so it's strange to do things alone or try and reconnect with old friends. I'm open to any and all suggestions. Just to make this 13 weeks easier.

Hey! Fellow Marine wife here
I was a year younger than you when DH left for boot camp, and I could have written this exact same post. Well when people say "stay busy" it's really true. You can't put your life on pause and get into a slump just because your DH is gone. Go and do the things you like, and focus on reconnecting with old friends. The more independent you become the easier the separations get.