Military Significant Others and Spouse Support -
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  1. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is offline
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    Aug 2009
    A sexual harassment form? I'm not sure what you are talking about, but I'm pretty sure the answer is no. It is against the rules, but so is speeding when driving, and consider how easy and common that is.

    I'm sorry this forum made you feel worse. Sometimes feeling bad is our mind's way of telling ourself that a situations *is* bad, and that we need to do something about it. As for how you stop loving someone, it's a process. First, you make a decision to love yourself, and loving yourself means not allowing yourself to be mistreated. Break ups hurt, but we heal over time. Staying in a painful relationship means you keep getting hurt over and over again, and you have no chance to heal. You can survive a break up. Look at how many people do it, and so many of them felt very much in love. You can do it, too. It takes a giant, scary, painful step, and it's not fun, but over time, you'll find that the pain gradually lessens until one day you realize it's been an hour since you thought about him. And then 2. And then 6, and then eventually a whole day and a whole week.

    If you want better for yourself, you *can* do this!
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  2. Senior Member
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    Jan 2015
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    Cheating is definitely a possibility in boot camp, AIT, and military life beyond that. If he wants to do it, he will find a way.

    So in 8 months, he's cheated on you and says mean things to you, and you don't trust him not to cheat again? Um, this is a mess. Move on. Work on yourself and getting your own shit together, since it sounds like there's some work to be done there.

    The fact that you've always had a boyfriend your whole life is a huge part of the problem. You want a boyfriend, not this particular guy, because you don't want to be alone. So that's exactly what you need to do. Get okay with being single, so that you enter and stay in a relationship only because it is a good relationship, not because you just want to make sure you have a boyfriend. Find a therapist with whom you connect and feel comfortable, and put in the work necessary to make this happen.
    Quote Originally Posted by idratherbehiking View Post
    I've heard plenty of stories about people cheating during basic training so it's definitely possible. However, why would you want to marry someone who the only comfort you can find about him being at BT is that he won't be able to cheat on you? That means during the dozens of separations (AIT, duty, training, school, deployments, etc.) that have yet to happen you do believe he WILL cheat on you. What kind of relationship is that?

    Putting all your focus on one man-- an untrustworthy man-- will only fuel your anxiety. It sounds like being single would do you some good.
    "She knew she loved him when 'home' went from being a place to being a person."
  3. Senior Member
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    idratherbehiking is offline
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    Jul 2014
    Quote Originally Posted by harmonywheeler View Post
    i can't call him anymore and this forum made me feel worse than i ever have. and i don't know about u guys but they do sign a sexual harrasment form. How can you just stop loving someone when you promised to be there everytihng. Im so scared and alone this really did make me feel worse
    A form is just a form and there's a difference between sexual harassment and consensual sex. Not that the military promotes cheating, but it will provide him with plenty of opportunities to cheat: sending him out of the state/country, plenty of times where cell reception is spotty, etc.

    This wasn't meant to make you feel bad. But honestly if you're that worried about him cheating again then you two should not be together.

    Getting over someone is hard but the other option is having your heart broken again and again.

  4. Old Newbie
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    Quote Originally Posted by harmonywheeler View Post
    My boyfriend just left to basic training today, but before he left our relationship was rocky because i got arrested for something dumb which caused me to be on home detention for 21 days. Happens to be i get off today. Just in time for him to already be gone. Anyways he's still having access to his phone right now so i get texts and some calls. Right now all i know is he is staying in the hotel and hasn't even left to go to fort lenorwood Missouri. His MOS is Combat Engineer, I think I'm allowed to say that. He is 18 and i am 18. We have been together for 8 months and prior to him leaving he got me a promise ring. He promised he's gonna come back and marry me, and take me with him wherever he goes. Im having irrational fears, like him cheating. He has cheated on me one time prior, but some wouldn't call what he did cheating (downloaded tinder in another state and flirted with girls) We broke up for a bit after that, but he had never actually met up with these girls but in my book i do consider that cheating. It broke my heart. Also he can be really mean with the things he says and I'm just so scared I'm gonna sit here and wait for him and he's gonna come back and not want me at all. He says he will. but I'm just so scared. back to the cheating thing, can someone please get that fear out of my head. Its bootcamp how could he even cheat? I just don't know this process and I really didn't talk to anyone other than him since my arrest. I have no social media, no support system at home and i just feel so alone. i bawled my eyes out because house arrest has made it so that i could not even go to MEPS with him. The last time i saw him we had a fight over something really dumb because being in a house for 21 days made me go a little nutty and he was obviously stressed about leaving all his loved ones. I have already began to write him letters, but it's killing me that i can't call him and tell him a dumb joke a made up or something crazy my family is doing because they're nuts. Anyone on here that has experience with these things I'm very young and so is he. Im just scared of being alone right now i struggle with severe anxiety and depression. I cry over nearly everything and not having him by my side for 3 months of his boot camp i cannot imagine how i am going to do. Some of these forums scare me, some make me feel better. I take things to heart really easily i guess I'm just coming on here asking for advice and how to get through this as easy as possible. preparing for him to come back and not want me, and preparing for him to come back and marry me. i don't know how to do both as i do not want to get my hopes up for either one. I have always had a boyfriend, my whole life, I have never been alone and i don't know how to process this cutting communication cold turkey. Please help me. ALSO, i don't know what AIT is but it sounds like alot of freedom. His contract is 13 weeks basic training and then he will come home for christmas and his 10 days, then the plan is wherever he gets stationed is where he will take me, after marrying me if all goes as planned. He is just in Basic Training, I know theres girls there and i also know if he's caught he's kicked out. Someone please reassure me of the cheating thing, and i just realized i spelt leonard wood wrong. My bad. Please help your girl out!!!!!!!!!! I feel like this is another one of my anxiety fears, So someone talk me out of it
    What i'm going to say may be a little harsh. and im pretty sure your boyfriend left already but if he left while your relationship was rocky i feel like you guys should have sat down and talked about where you guys stand. Because if hes cheating on you and you are worried that hes going to cheat on you while in bootcamp your relationship is not in the right place. And if you are talking about marrying the guy already i feel like you guys need to take time and think about all of this and see what is it that you guys want to do. Because bootcamp isint the only time he is going to be gone. He is going to go on deployments and be gone for months at a time and you are going to be with the worry that hes cheating on you. And dont just marry him to feel like you are getting reasurance about him not cheating on you because it might not work out if you are just marrying to be go with him whereever he goes (and maybe thats not the reason but i say that because i have talked to a couple of people with the same situation going on that marry and then a couple months the marriage breaks) so if you are having doubts and i can tell that you are scared to trust him. I feel like you should have a chat with him and talk about all of this with him just to see where you stand and to see where he stands with all of this. Because you could want something that hes not ready for.

    Also about the seperation anxiety i know what that feels like. I went through it and im still going through it. My fiance left to the navy so hes been gone a month now and its hard . Im not going to tell you that it gets easier because in reality it doesnt. Just keep yourself occupied and always think positive because i went into deep depression when my fiance left, i wouldnt come out the room i didnt eat for 4 days and i didnt speak for 4 days. I just layed there and cried and there was no getting me out of bed until the day i looked at myself in the mirror and told myself that i needed to stop this. Keep yourself occupied even if its asking for more hours at work (thats what i did) but also when he sends you your first letter send him a letter everyday, thats what i do. So everytime they do mailcall he always has something to look forward too. And when you get your first letter and phone call it will feel so good. But trust me if you stay positive and strong for him then you will be fine and so will he.
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