Does anyone else fear this? - Military Boot Camp

afljwall · 10-13-2009, 10:16 AM

Is it just me or does anyone else out there fear that your DB, DF, DH will come back different? I worry that's I'm going to get a letter or go see him during graduation weekend and he's going tell him "this is going to be too hard, too much trouble, too far away ... ect ..." Can anyone relate to these fears? Anyone have any stories/advice about dealing with these fears?

navygirlfriend · 10-13-2009, 10:18 AM

When my DB went on his first deployment I worried about it but he came back just fine. He has been on other (half) deployment since then and he is just fine. Don't worry yourself to much over it.

chrissyh33 · 10-13-2009, 10:24 AM

When I first found out that he was deploying I worried about it a lot. I have heard so many stories. And I am sure that he will be a little different just like you will be a little different. You two just need to make a decision together that you are going to be open and honest with each other and talk about things and accept the changes.

I finally came to a conclusion in myself that if DB is completely different when he comes home that I will just stick by him and accept the changes. Cuz I love him and that is what you do when you love someone.

You have to learn not to hold grudges against him if he had a bad day and was short or hateful to you. Cuz it's nothing you did, just he is going through a lot right now and will need time to adjust to it. You guys will be fine. Just don't give up because a bad day.

NavyHeart · 10-13-2009, 10:30 AM

Oh yeah. I had a 'its comlicated' relationship once with someone who went to boot and came back and was completely different. So with DH it was really nerve wracking. But it was all for the better

Its normal to feel that way. Nervous, excited, terrified etc. I was!

And I'm normally pretty cool, calm, and collected.

marissaa310 · 10-13-2009, 10:33 AM

It's definitely normal to feel that way. The distance can make your mind think crazy things. The way that I got over it was to actually tell DB what I was feeling and how I was so nervous that things would be different when he got back.. but the crazy thing is, he had some of the same worries too! Once we both realized we were thinking the same thing, we both realized that everything was going to turn out just fine. In the end, our relationship was definitely stronger and better after BCT/AIT.

I would say that open communication is the best policy.

Also, just trying to stay busy to keep your mind off things is good too.

~KittyKat~ · 10-13-2009, 10:39 AM

It would be inaccurate for me to say DH has not changed at all. There are some changes in his behavior, some for the better and some for the worse. But it hasn't changed the way he feels about me, infact if anything it just made him love me more.

arider03 · 10-13-2009, 02:01 PM

i can relate 100%..when my husband went to AFBMT in june i was so scared that he would change and i only got one letter from him the whole time and that was during the first couple weeks so when grad. weekend came up i was scared that he just wouldnt want to be with me anymore..now that he's been out of BMT since Aug. everything has been so much better but he did change but it was for the better. Now Im 2 days away from moving to texas with him..it feels like yesterday that he went to BMT so remember that time flys. if you ever need to talk just PM me.

MS234755 · 10-13-2009, 02:03 PM

Db has changed a LOT since he joined up. But not so much so that he's a totally different person. The way I see it, you can change separately, or together. I chose to change WITH him and roll with the punches. I'm sure you guys will be fine

It's an adjustment, but it's not that bad, really.

Crewgirl35 · 10-13-2009, 02:06 PM

I can def relate. Im a little nervous to see my DB in two weeks. But all his friends are telling me that I'm being silly. but im still wonder. but ill see soon.

PrOuDaRmYWiFe08 · 10-13-2009, 02:19 PM

its just a natural fear! I remember I was so scared to see him on family day. And he did change, you cant expect them not to change. But for DH it was for the better. He matured alot and he takes his job serious. I feel like he went from being a boy to a man. Now with this deployment I am terrified he will change, I mean they are in a war zone for peets sake! But just hang in there, they may physcially change and emotionally grow up but the Love doesnt change!

10-13-2009, 10:16 AM	#1 (permalink)
afljwall My other half is in Texas!! Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Greensboro, NC Posts: 264 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 25% Longevity: 3%	Does anyone else fear this? Is it just me or does anyone else out there fear that your DB, DF, DH will come back different? I worry that's I'm going to get a letter or go see him during graduation weekend and he's going tell him "this is going to be too hard, too much trouble, too far away ... ect ..." Can anyone relate to these fears? Anyone have any stories/advice about dealing with these fears? __________________ "I'll be back soon babe, I promise!! I love you!!" - DB [11\|16\|07]

10-13-2009, 10:24 AM	#3 (permalink)
chrissyh33 1/2 my heart is in Iraq. Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: DS:Fort Riley, KS / ME:Joplin, MO / HIM:Iraq Posts: 186 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 9% Longevity: 3%	When I first found out that he was deploying I worried about it a lot. I have heard so many stories. And I am sure that he will be a little different just like you will be a little different. You two just need to make a decision together that you are going to be open and honest with each other and talk about things and accept the changes. I finally came to a conclusion in myself that if DB is completely different when he comes home that I will just stick by him and accept the changes. Cuz I love him and that is what you do when you love someone. You have to learn not to hold grudges against him if he had a bad day and was short or hateful to you. Cuz it's nothing you did, just he is going through a lot right now and will need time to adjust to it. You guys will be fine. Just don't give up because a bad day. __________________

10-13-2009, 10:30 AM	#4 (permalink)
NavyHeart Love is... Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Me+Him= HOME! Posts: 2,122 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 53% Longevity: 24%	Oh yeah. I had a 'its comlicated' relationship once with someone who went to boot and came back and was completely different. So with DH it was really nerve wracking. But it was all for the better Its normal to feel that way. Nervous, excited, terrified etc. I was! And I'm normally pretty cool, calm, and collected. __________________ Thats how I roll. "How am I supposed to show love to somebody over and over and over, who constantly rejects me?" [John Holt touches the wooden cross, and turns to Caleb] "That's a good question."

10-13-2009, 10:33 AM	#5 (permalink)
marissaa310 Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Me: RI; Him: GTMO Posts: 436 Classifieds: (4) Activity: 32% Longevity: 15%	It's definitely normal to feel that way. The distance can make your mind think crazy things. The way that I got over it was to actually tell DB what I was feeling and how I was so nervous that things would be different when he got back.. but the crazy thing is, he had some of the same worries too! Once we both realized we were thinking the same thing, we both realized that everything was going to turn out just fine. In the end, our relationship was definitely stronger and better after BCT/AIT. I would say that open communication is the best policy. Also, just trying to stay busy to keep your mind off things is good too. __________________ Currently surviving deployment #1.

10-13-2009, 10:39 AM	#6 (permalink)
~KittyKat~ Incubating... Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Ft Campbell, KY (Clarksville) Posts: 6,008 Blog Entries: 4 Classifieds: (1) Activity: 82% Longevity: 16%	It would be inaccurate for me to say DH has not changed at all. There are some changes in his behavior, some for the better and some for the worse. But it hasn't changed the way he feels about me, infact if anything it just made him love me more. __________________ Wifey to Ash029, Jen0201, CincoAF, KitKat78, SammaJamma, army mommy, Brighteyes1406, Melanie. & Twilliams

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10-13-2009, 10:18 AM	#2 (permalink)
navygirlfriend Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: I'm in NC he is in CT Posts: 611 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 44% Longevity: 19%	When my DB went on his first deployment I worried about it but he came back just fine. He has been on other (half) deployment since then and he is just fine. Don't worry yourself to much over it.

10-13-2009, 02:01 PM	#7 (permalink)
arider03 Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Fl/Lackland AFB Posts: 17 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 7% Longevity: 6%	i can relate 100%..when my husband went to AFBMT in june i was so scared that he would change and i only got one letter from him the whole time and that was during the first couple weeks so when grad. weekend came up i was scared that he just wouldnt want to be with me anymore..now that he's been out of BMT since Aug. everything has been so much better but he did change but it was for the better. Now Im 2 days away from moving to texas with him..it feels like yesterday that he went to BMT so remember that time flys. if you ever need to talk just PM me.

10-13-2009, 02:03 PM	#8 (permalink)
MS234755 Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 4,442 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 91% Longevity: 15%	Db has changed a LOT since he joined up. But not so much so that he's a totally different person. The way I see it, you can change separately, or together. I chose to change WITH him and roll with the punches. I'm sure you guys will be fine It's an adjustment, but it's not that bad, really. __________________ Wifey to HisCupcake and Nicklenack- The two awesome Nic(h)oles

10-13-2009, 02:06 PM	#9 (permalink)
Crewgirl35 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Me: MD, Him: Lackland AFB Posts: 13 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 2%	I can def relate. Im a little nervous to see my DB in two weeks. But all his friends are telling me that I'm being silly. but im still wonder. but ill see soon.

10-13-2009, 02:19 PM	#10 (permalink)
PrOuDaRmYWiFe08 Currently surviving Deployment # 1 Join Date: May 2008 Location: Me: Back in Texas, My love: Hell which is Afghanistan Posts: 1,740 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 33% Longevity: 25%	its just a natural fear! I remember I was so scared to see him on family day. And he did change, you cant expect them not to change. But for DH it was for the better. He matured alot and he takes his job serious. I feel like he went from being a boy to a man. Now with this deployment I am terrified he will change, I mean they are in a war zone for peets sake! But just hang in there, they may physcially change and emotionally grow up but the Love doesnt change! __________________