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Thread: How does any of this work..?

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    How does any of this work..?

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    I am very new to all of this. My fiancé is at bootcamp and we are getting married in December. My problem is, that I know nothing about the military. How do benefits work? How does getting stationed work? How do you make friends? I feel completely lost and alone. SOS.
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    #2
    After DH and I married, I let him enroll me in DEERS. The office walked him through the entire process, so it was simple. The hardest part was for me, gathering all of the paperwork to send to him. We got BAH and back pay as soon as the information was updated. Because I was in DEERS, his orders also updated. Luckily, he enrolled me in DEERS early on in his time at AIT, so the information was established in the system by the time orders were delivered. To be honest, getting orders should be absolutely no concern of yours. That is all going to be on your husband. Moving, however, is usually a different story. You can get POA to handle information and meetings with the transportation office. They will be able to counsel you and walk you through each step of the process, if your husband gets assigned somewhere you will be allowed to accompany him. If not, you don't have much to worry about because you just stay put.

    Making friends varies on person to person and wherever you get stationed, IMO. My advice would be to put yourself out there, and if your husband's duty station has a group of ladies that meetup for coffee, brunch, or other activities... join them! That's the easiest way, IMO, to make friends.

    Take things one day at a time, OP. Your fiance is only in boot camp. You're not even married yet. It's good that you're planning ahead, but don't stress yourself out about it. Nothing good comes from unnecessary stress.

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    #3
    Benefits are pretty easy. after you're married you have to go get entered into DEERS and get a dependent ID and you might have to meet with a tricare person? I don't remember if that's necessary or just something I did. But none of it was difficult at all.

    You make friends the same way you would anywhere else. Meet people at work or school, meet up with people online, maybe join some Facebook pages for the spouses at whatever base you go to.
  4. Senior Member
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    #4
    For benefits, you will have medical coverage as soon as you are married. (Technically, he needs to enroll you into a system called DEERS.) There are two options, Tricare Prime and Tricare Standard. If you search this form, of just the internet in general, there is a ton of info comparing them. In general, Prime costs less (almost nothing in most cases) but Standard gives you more flexibility in choosing your own doctor and being able to see specialists without a referral.

    You can also have dental, but that isn't free. THere's a monthly premium, and it doesn't cover nearly as much.

    He will likely need permission to get married. If he will still be in boot camp at that time, he needs to talk to them now.

    For getting stationed, they will ask him for a wish list of preferences for places that have whatever his job is. However, there is absolutely no guarantee he will get anything on his list. They send people were they need them, and if hey can make it work without people's preferences, great. But the needs of the Marines will come first. He could end up at any base that has his job.

    If you marry after he reports to his new base, they will not pay to move you or your stuff.

    You meet people the same way anyone who moves to a location meets people. Through your own job if you work, through volunteer activities, through social groups, and in the case of the military, most commands have a spouses' group of some kind, which you can join to meet his coworker's spouses.

    He might find out with several months notice, or only a couple weeks. That depends on a zillion factors.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #5
    Is he in the Marine Corps? I looked at your profile.

    If so, are you doing it right after bootcamp before he goes to MCT or SOI?

    He needs to talk to a higher up, wherever he is, about getting married. Sometimes they want to counsel him on it. Once you do get married, he will take your marriage license and personal information to IPAC and get you into DEERS. You'll be able to get an ID and then register for Tricare.
  6. Fur/Feather/Scale Momma
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by twistertwin View Post
    Is he in the Marine Corps? I looked at your profile.

    If so, are you doing it right after bootcamp before he goes to MCT or SOI?

    He needs to talk to a higher up, wherever he is, about getting married. Sometimes they want to counsel him on it. Once you do get married, he will take your marriage license and personal information to IPAC and get you into DEERS. You'll be able to get an ID and then register for Tricare.


    A lot of people don't realize they need to talk to their superiors about marriage requirements and what not. But after you get married the paper portion is super easy especially if you can just walk into the DEERS office with him. DH and I got married and registered me in DEERS in one day before 12pm! Granted I may have been super lucky, but registering for DEERS is really all you need to deal with, he can deal with the rest.

    Fur/feather momma to Zeus, Inky, Doodle, and Hermes
  7. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #7
    I can understand feeling lost and confused , I found DH's time at basic the most stressful part of his career so far. DH is army so I only know from that branches experience. Once we were married DH went to the DEERS office and enrolled me as his spouse. This got me into tricare prime and I started seeing a physician they assigned me in my hometown. Since I was not with him at AIT he also sent me some paperwork so that I could go to a nearby base and get an ID. I called and made an appointment and toodled my butt down. Just make sure you have a drivers license or photo id plus your car registration and let the guard you have an appointment at the ID office. I've never found anyone to be intimidating when I was trying to get places of make appointments.

    DH got is orders (stationed) during AIT, he then also made the arrangements for the movers to come to our residence (where I was) and do the pack out. The timeline is a bit different for everyone. I would just remember to be flexible and remember it will all get where it needs to go eventually. Make sure you have copies of the orders and a power of attorney (poa) to sign for the move. He will need to send you the orders and go to the legal office and have them type up with poa. Some AIT's or basic groups will do this as a group activity "field trip" type event. If they don't he needs to make it happen on his own or just keep asking the sgt to take him.

    Making friends, whatever works for you. If you want to learn more about military stuff and meet people that way take the frg (family readiness group) classes and volunteer with the aftb (army family team building) office. Otherwise I would go with area clubs or networking groups. Sports teams. Whatever floats your boat.

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