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Thread: Who has experience with non-married service member having a baby?

  1. The grass is greener where it gets watered.
    Sarah.'s Avatar
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    #1

    Who has experience with non-married service member having a baby?

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    Obviously, since DB and I are not married, the process for enrolling DD into everything might end up being more complicated than I'd like.

    Has anyone else had a child outside of the military AFTER being in the military? Meaning, were you guys not married when your little one was born and did you have to go through the enrollment process and what did it include?

    I would *think* (logically, but it's the Army we're talking about) that it's as simple as his name being on her birth certificate and DEERS would automatically accept that, however, I just want to be prepared for any potential road blocks.

    If you've been through this, did they require a paternity test? (totally not a problem, but who pays for it, them or us?)

    Did DEERS give any kind of push back at all?

    Did Tricare have any issues?

    Were there any issues with Finance and changing the BAH?

    Obviously I'm still going to make phone calls to said places and get the actual information so that I am prepared to do whatever needs to be done, just looking for personal experiences with the same thing.

    Since I have my own medical insurance, the baby will be covered under me until we can get her entered into DEERS and Tricare. Then I will drop her from my coverage because it's going to cost me a freakin arm and a leg to insure her and Tricare is better coverage (and cheaper).

    I know that once she's listed as his dependent then he'll have to submit the 4187 for dependent rate BAH, and because she'll be born here in Hawaii, she shouldn't have to be Command Sponsored (to my knowledge) but he will receive COLA for her as well.

    Am I forgetting anything? It's been a few years since I had to deal with the military and benefits and I'm sure that there are things slipping my mind.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah. View Post
    Obviously, since DB and I are not married, the process for enrolling DD into everything might end up being more complicated than I'd like.

    Has anyone else had a child outside of the military AFTER being in the military? Meaning, were you guys not married when your little one was born and did you have to go through the enrollment process and what did it include?

    I would *think* (logically, but it's the Army we're talking about) that it's as simple as his name being on her birth certificate and DEERS would automatically accept that, however, I just want to be prepared for any potential road blocks.

    If you've been through this, did they require a paternity test? (totally not a problem, but who pays for it, them or us?)

    Did DEERS give any kind of push back at all?

    Did Tricare have any issues?

    Were there any issues with Finance and changing the BAH?

    Obviously I'm still going to make phone calls to said places and get the actual information so that I am prepared to do whatever needs to be done, just looking for personal experiences with the same thing.

    Since I have my own medical insurance, the baby will be covered under me until we can get her entered into DEERS and Tricare. Then I will drop her from my coverage because it's going to cost me a freakin arm and a leg to insure her and Tricare is better coverage (and cheaper).

    I know that once she's listed as his dependent then he'll have to submit the 4187 for dependent rate BAH, and because she'll be born here in Hawaii, she shouldn't have to be Command Sponsored (to my knowledge) but he will receive COLA for her as well.

    Am I forgetting anything? It's been a few years since I had to deal with the military and benefits and I'm sure that there are things slipping my mind.
    I honestly don't know anything about it, but it made me think of people who are divorced with kids in the military. I know that the only way the dad's I know could get bah was if they had court paperwork stating that they had at least 50% custody. So that's something I'd want to look into to see if he'd need that since ya'll aren't married.

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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by caseychick View Post
    I honestly don't know anything about it, but it made me think of people who are divorced with kids in the military. I know that the only way the dad's I know could get bah was if they had court paperwork stating that they had at least 50% custody. So that's something I'd want to look into to see if he'd need that since ya'll aren't married.
    Im thinking OP lives with her baby's father but you may be right that they need to somehow have that documented.
    Beth, Mama to Emmalee (12), Evan (9), and Ella (4 on May 7) (I really REALLY need to update my picture!)
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by caseychick View Post
    I honestly don't know anything about it, but it made me think of people who are divorced with kids in the military. I know that the only way the dad's I know could get bah was if they had court paperwork stating that they had at least 50% custody. So that's something I'd want to look into to see if he'd need that since ya'll aren't married.
    I think with a divorce it's a little different, but I could be wrong. We talked about possibly needing a custody order, which is simple enough to get. Just waiting to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation and what paperwork and things they needed to do.

    Quote Originally Posted by BethM View Post
    Im thinking OP lives with her baby's father but you may be right that they need to somehow have that documented.
    Yes, we live together. He gets single rate BAH, but with a dependent, that would move to dependent rate. As far as I know.
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    #5
    actually you only get dependant BAH if your married- or if he has court ordered visitation that states he will have a designated 90 days consecutive visitation a yr- EVEN if you live together
    he will not get any other BAH unless he gets that court order.

    why do you not just get married ?
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by gunsgirl View Post
    actually you only get dependant BAH if your married- or if he has court ordered visitation that states he will have a designated 90 days consecutive visitation a yr- EVEN if you live together
    he will not get any other BAH unless he gets that court order.

    why do you not just get married ?
    He should be able to get BAH with dependents as long as he has at least 51% of the custody, which since they live together I'm assuming he has. They may have to get it legally documented though to show proof because they aren't married before receiving it. I guess that's what you said though now that I'm rereading, haha.
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    Quote Originally Posted by BubMunkeyBles View Post
    He should be able to get BAH with dependents as long as he has at least 51% of the custody, which since they live together I'm assuming he has. They may have to get it legally documented though to show proof because they aren't married before receiving it. I guess that's what you said though now that I'm rereading, haha.
    this was recently changed and it no longer has to be 51% of the custody- it only has to be court ordered visitation that is 90 consecutive days a yr.

    I can post the regs if the OP needs them.
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    #8
    My best friend just had a baby with her Fiance, who is Army.. and it was actually quite a pain. His name was on the birth certificate as well, but it took like a month for everything to get sorted out. He had to have all sorts of papers signed and they had to have some form of proof of birth from the HOSPITAL. I dunno it was a mess.

    Good luck!
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    #9
    We had no problems at all. DH and I were not married when DS was born, and since he was gone for the birth he was not able to be put on the birth certificate. When he got home a few days later we went to the courthouse where he signed a letter acknowledging paternity (no test). After that we headed over to base and got DS into DEERS, he got an ID card, and then we got him into Tricare. It was all very fast and worked out really well.

    Getting his dependent BAH was a little bit of a hassle because he was having to move out of the barracks, but that was it.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by gunsgirl View Post
    this was recently changed and it no longer has to be 51% of the custody- it only has to be court ordered visitation that is 90 consecutive days a yr.

    I can post the regs if the OP needs them.
    Oh, interesting and very good to know. 90 consecutive days? That sounds kind of extreme especially in divorce circumstances when people move away. Do they still get BAH-DIFF if they need to pay child support?
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