supsavy
Regular Member

Always here to listen, I am sorry you are hurting so much. Stay strong. If it was meant to be then it was meant to be. Dont blame yourself for feeling "over emotional" I would have the same reaction as you did. We all want someone to care about us, especially if we care so deeply about them. And you know what? If he is going out "enjoying his new life" you go out and do the same, you deserve it.

That was Saturday night. He actually text me last night to ask what we were going to do about Thanksgiving since I was supposed to go visit. I told him that I can't if he didn't know how he felt, that I didn't see the ppoint. The he said "so you're just going to waste all that money?" So I asked what he thought the point of me going was, haven't heard from him since. I feel like my while world is falling apart. I barely made it through work this mmorning and I'm sitting in my car crying my eyes out but I have class in 15 minutes so Im trying to stop. It just hurts so much. Sometimes I feel like the man who told me all those sweet thinga in bc is gone. Sometimes I feel like this is all my fault for being such an emotional person. I just wanted him to care, but I know you can't make someone care. He's too busy enjoying his new life and partying with his friends that I know that he doesn't care if he looses me. I always knew breaking up was a possibility but I never actually imagined, I really did think we'd spend our lives together. I'd give anything to have him back but I know I can't beg. I just want to make this pain go away. I want to be able to eat again. I want to concentrate on school and my internship. I want to be happy. But I'm having so much trouble. Thanks for listening. I'm going to at least attempt going to class

Well, the roller coaster is over. I asked him whether he loved me or even wanted to be with me anymore because I thought when he told me he didn't know last time it was because he was annoyed. Well... his answer was the same. I feel like I can't keep this going if he doesn't know. I'm sure of my feelings and I can't pretend like everything is OK knowing that he might not love him anymore. So I told him that I still loved him but that we can't keep doing this. That he needs to figure out how he feels because if he doesn't know then we're both wasting our time. That I know I've made mistakes, but I wasn't the only one. That I was willing to keep trying to make it work but that if he realized he wasn't in this anymore that I don't want him to contact me again. And that if that was the last I heard from him that I loved him to the moon and back (I used to always tell him that when he was in bc) and that I wished him the best. Haven't heard from him since... needless to say I've been doing a lot of crying. But I keep telling myself that the guy I fell in love with is gone, the sweet guy is wrong and has been replaced by this robot. It hurts so much that I can barely bare it but I know in the end it'll be better for both of us. Sorry to have made this all about me. So glad your family is OK with the engagement! And I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. It seems like all her issues aren't with your boyfriend but more internal.

And now my mom keeps asking me if he can go to Mexico with us in December for my patents 25th anniversary and I'm scared to ask him because I fear him saying no and if he says no I'll have to decide between staying here for him or going to Mexico for my parents. I'm scared that he won't make an effort for me and go for a few days (if he's allowed) and that'll prove our relationship is over. I asked him a while ago if he was allowed to go and he said he would ask but I don't think he ever did. I'm trying not take it personally since he's never been good at planning ahead, I was always the one that had to remind him. So I'm basically just one big anxious mess, but I'm playing it cool. So far he's text me good morning and goodnight everyday and asked about my day and told me about his soooo I don't really know what's going on. On a happier note I actually did get the internship! how are you doing??

Yea... things with DB aren't so great right now. He told me he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore or wanted to be with me. It was kind of my fault, I called him telling him I wasn't sure if I could do this anymore. He said he was annoyed with all my over emotional-ness. I just hate how everything in his life comes before me, I knew the navy would always come first but his friends and motorcycle always come before me too. I get that he's just bonding with his new friends but I hardly talk to him on weekdays because of school and weekends are for his friends. He's usually the first one to text me though, but this whole situation just sucks. He's always kind of been an emotionally detached person, but it's really starting to effect me. Today is the first day in a week when I did not cry. Now he's acting normal, like he never said those things about possibly not wanting to be with my anymore. I have been overly emotional lately so I kind of get where he's coming from but now I don't know where wr stand. During that sucky phone call I told him that I loved him as much as I did before he left to bootcamp and he said he didn't, and then he said that that's what I wanted to hear. I don't think we've ever had a fight this big but I'm just leaving it alone.

Aww I'm sorry to hear he's having such a hard time, but it's good that you're being so supportive. Hopefully he eventually gets to the point where he's happy he joined, or at least indifferent. Eh, idk if the trip is even going to happen. Things aren't great between DB and I. The sad part is I don't think he even notices that things aren't OK. I'm just so emotionally drained and I feel like I'm not part of his life anymore. I miss him being in bootcamp because he'd actually tell me how important I am to him, or was. At this point I very well may not be important anymore. I get absolutely nothing now, maybe an I love you like once a week. I might just be a bit overly hormonal since my time of the month is coming up lol but at this point I think I may need some space. I'm also bummed because I applied for an internship at a hospital and I'm pretty sure I didn't get it:/

Awww that's great! And it's good that you're waiting till you finish school, I had a couple friends get married as soon as they graduated college and they couldn't be happier I bought my ticket to Charleston! I'll be going for a few days during Thanksgiving break. It seems soooo far away and I thought keeping busy would make me feel better but I think it just adds to my stress lol and it's weird but I feel oddly jealous of DB going out all the time, idk how to explain it but it makes me feel lonelier? At least now I have Thanksgiving to look forward to.

Things have gotten better, I think no matter what we will always have our up and downs, but as long as we have more ups we'll be OK I actually talked about it with my therapist and she really put things into perspective (she basically called me clingy hahaha). I think my issue was that I was listening to those around me and they were trying to put normal rules to a relationship that's not very normal. But ever since I stopped listening to everyone else I've felt a lot better. I always wish we could have more communication but I know he's doing his best to balance everything so I've eased off. Sorry to hear your DB is stressed :/ hopefully he doesn't decided to take up any bad vices. I worry about my DB 's lifestyle choices but for now I'm just letting him figure things out for himself. How are you doing? How's the job search going?

Awww I remember that feeling. Well, things with DB and I aren't going so great. We don't have as much communication as I would like because of school and then on weekends he goes out drinking with friends so I feel like there's no room for me. He told me he's really stressed and that's why he drinks AND he started smoking, which really concerns me. He told me he wasn't going to be one of those people who drank all their money away but he spent $400 this weekend, and he guesstimated $200 was on alcohol. I tried talking to him about how I felt and he just completely shut down. Its like I don't matter anymore. I still have school and work to worry about and he being this way makes it hard for me to focus. I thought maybe he was pushing me away because he didn't want to be with me anymore but he said he doesn't want to break up.I'm barely holding it together, I'm not sure how much more I can take.

Sooooo I just realized I posted onto my own page last time hahaha I'm such a dork. How was the graduation?!?!