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Thread: Relationship Rules for good Communication (can also be conflict resolution)

  1. Happy little tree
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    #1

    Relationship Rules for good Communication (can also be conflict resolution)

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    And yet another class yesterday had some really good stuff about conflict resolution and communication. It's called the "Speaker/Listener Technique":

    -It is important to ban problem/solution attempts and just discuss the ISSUE.

    Rules for the Speaker (the one who is talking currently):


    -Speak for yourself ("I" statements, "I feel..." not "You are....")

    -Keep your statements brief - if you go on and on, you're going to lose your partner's attention

    -Stop and let the listener (your partner) paraphrase what you just said - not what he/she thinks you MEAN, but what you said. This way you both know you are understanding what is being said.

    Rules for the Listener

    -Paraphrase what you hear (in your own words, not what you think the speaker is saying)

    -Focus on the speaker's message - DO NOT REBUT!!! Only listen!

    -Use the "LDD" Method (Listen Don't Defend)

    -The listener doesn't get the floor (a chance to talk) after they are paraphrasing, only after the speaker is done does the listener then get the floor and the speaker then becomes the listener.

    Rules for both

    -The speaker always has the floor

    -The speaker keeps the floor while the listener paraphrases

    -Listen Don't Defend (LDD method)






    Hope that all made sense

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  2. Senior Member
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    #2
    we are learning that in my conflict res. classes
  3. Psych Student by Day..
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    #3
    Mike and I, when we're aruging, or even just talking, pass a basketball between us. Only the person with the ball can talk. It works for us. And it can be fun. That way only one of us are talking (I'm the worst interrupter ever!)and the other is listening.


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  4. Happy little tree
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Kara View Post
    Mike and I, when we're aruging, or even just talking, pass a basketball between us. Only the person with the ball can talk. It works for us. And it can be fun. That way only one of us are talking (I'm the worst interrupter ever!)and the other is listening.
    That's a great idea! Some people will even have a little tile to stand on to represent that they have "the floor" while speaking

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  5. Psych Student by Day..
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Kelsey View Post
    That's a great idea! Some people will even have a little tile to stand on to represent that they have "the floor" while speaking
    I like that idea too. It's funny because I always thought it was hailrious when I watched therapy videos in my counseling classes and they used the ball method or "talking stick" method. Then one day, we were playing basketball--and started arguing about something ridiculous(I can't even recall what, so it must be VERY ridiculous), and he said "I have the ball-you can't talk!" and from there we passed the ball back and forth and worked it out. We use it from time to time, if it's around and we remember to. It helps, especially when you have an interrupter in the relationship (me).


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  6. Keep Calm and Ride Unicorns
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Kara View Post
    Mike and I, when we're aruging, or even just talking, pass a basketball between us. Only the person with the ball can talk. It works for us. And it can be fun. That way only one of us are talking (I'm the worst interrupter ever!)and the other is listening.
    That's a great idea. I know a lot of couples that would use the basketball as a weapon though. LOL.

    My issues with my husband aren't that we don't let each other speak, it's that he clams up!


  7. only person you can save, is yourself
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    #7
    wow, those are some pretty interesting ideas that i might have to use
  8. Banned
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    #8
    I LOOOVVEE conflict resolution!!

    it is sooo important to not use you words--
    AND it is equally as hard to not use them-

    it takes alot of concetration and focus not to do it-
    but it is easy to pick up--

    I have to remember that it is how I feel not how you make me feel---
    or I feel that when I talk it is not important=
    not when I talk you don't listen...
    ahhh how many times do we deal with that one?? LOL
  9. Jen
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    #9
    we learned this at the marriage retreat we went to. I hate the repeating back thing.
  10. Senior Member
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    #10
    I have the 'speaker/listener technique' magnet on my fridge!

    I must admit I am very bad at following the rules
    Needs work.
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