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Thread: Possibly getting married and needing SO MUCH HELP!

  1. I see the light at the end of the tunnel...
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    #1

    Possibly getting married and needing SO MUCH HELP!

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    So, DB gets home from AIT in December. He wants to get married. So do I. What seems to be somewhat of a "speedbump" is the fact that we're 18. I know age doesn't really matter, but I'm not going to lie, I'm scared. I still feel like a kid sometimes. And right now... I feel like I want to throw up. Is this normal? Is it just nerves or am I really not ready? I don't even know how to tell if I'm ready or not. I KNOW that I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I LOVE HIM. I just don't know about us being young. I need some major, major help or advice. Right now we're thinking maybe we should be engaged for a while, but with the military being so un-predictable we know that if he gets leave from where ever he's at our wedding will have to be quick, and not as organized and pretty as it could be now (even though it's still a bit rushed). I'm not really sure what to do. I just know that I want to be with him. He's "the one" for me. But I need help making my decision on what we should do. If anyone can give ANY kind of advice.
    TTFN. Ta-ta for now MSOS.
  2. deployment #2: 1 month down!
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    #2
    I'm 18 too. DB is 20. We're getting married when he gets back from Iraq in December. Well the nerves thing I really don't know. I know that when DB first mentioned getting married so soon I was a little sketchy. I knew that I loved him and I wanted to be with him forever but it was so soon. But once I really thought about I realized that it didn't matter how young I am or that we haven't been together forever. All that mattered was that I wanted to spend my life with him. And when it comes to the actual wedding you can do what we're planning on doing. We're going to wait for the big wedding and just get married at the courthouse. You can always do the ceremony later on. I hope this helps and if you need to talk just pm me.
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    #3
    It is a tough decision and one you really need to think about. Personally, I would say be engaged at least for a little while. It will help especially since he has been away and will have changed at least a little. Gives you a chance to reconnect and plan it together.

    Another point, You never really feel like you grow up. I'm 20, graduating college in May and still have days when I feel like I'm too young to even be in college nonetheless graduating and going in to the real world. So, the fact that you feel young -- that won't go away.

    Your gut feeling is often right. If you think it is too early or you are worried, then it might be. Again, being engaged for awhile could settle some of these nerves and make you feel better about it.

    I'm sure you probably want the big fancy wedding, and are worried about it being rushed if you do it at a later point, but you can always do what so many on here have done before. You can do a quick courthouse wedding when he's home and then plan your fancy one for a later time. Don't let worrying about not having time to do the fancy wedding later be the deciding factor. Seriously think about if you're ready for this.

    All in all, you really have to think about it and talk about it with your boyfriend and really come to an agreement that will work for both of you.
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    #4
    I think if you have to ask, you are not ready. This should be such a sure thing for you, no doubts or anything. 18 is pretty young to get married, you are just out of highschool, and probably in your first year of college (if you are attending).

    There is nothing wrong with waiting a little longer to be married. You said yourself you want to be with him the rest of your life, you have plenty of time to get married in the rest of your life, enjoy being young while you can.
  5. Germany is my home!
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    #5
    I have a question for you: for what reason do you want to get married? Is it for the benefits or to "count" in the eyes of the Navy or is it because you love eachother? If it is love then you have all the time in the world to get married! You shouldn't rush into something so meaningful if you're not 100% sure about it. There is nothing wrong with a long relationship or engagement because the what you feel for eachother won't change with a marriage certificate.
    Think about it and talk to your DB, don't hesitate to tell him how you feel, he'll understand. Good luck on your decision and keep us posted!
  6. Lux
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Nakule View Post
    I think if you have to ask, you are not ready. This should be such a sure thing for you, no doubts or anything. 18 is pretty young to get married, you are just out of highschool, and probably in your first year of college (if you are attending).

    There is nothing wrong with waiting a little longer to be married. You said yourself you want to be with him the rest of your life, you have plenty of time to get married in the rest of your life, enjoy being young while you can.
    Good advice.
  7. I see the light at the end of the tunnel...
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by dchiocca View Post
    I have a question for you: for what reason do you want to get married? Is it for the benefits or to "count" in the eyes of the Navy or is it because you love eachother? If it is love then you have all the time in the world to get married! You shouldn't rush into something so meaningful if you're not 100% sure about it. There is nothing wrong with a long relationship or engagement because the what you feel for eachother won't change with a marriage certificate.
    Think about it and talk to your DB, don't hesitate to tell him how you feel, he'll understand. Good luck on your decision and keep us posted!
    The only reason was to "officiate" our love. And he wants me to go with him, and to be honest I want to go with him too. The thing is, in my heart it's for sure, it's just things like my family and all that are making it hard. It's hard to "leave the nest." It's just hard to decide, given that I am so nervous and all. I just want things to work.
    TTFN. Ta-ta for now MSOS.
  8. I love my Boys!
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    #8
    It sounds like you aren't ready..I got married when a month after I turned 18 but I didn't question it and knew it was what I wanted. I think being engaged for a bit would be the best thing for you.
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    #9
    Questions: Have either of you ever lived on your own, or in a situation where you will all of a sudden be responsible to pay rent, bills, budget yourselves?
    Have either of you ever dated anyone else? have you gotten your "games" out of the way.
    Do you have an identify away from him?
    Is there anything you've ever wanted to do that you couldn't do once you get married?
    Are you ready to make all the sacrifices many of the wives on here have made and discussed...moving every three years, not knowing whether your husband will be called away for a year with no notice, very difficult to start a career for yourself?
    Do you want to change him, or think he will change once you get married? (This is the only one I would answer for you..If there is something you don't like about him, and think marriage will change him, you're not ready.)
    These are just questions I would ask, other wives on here may differ, or disagree.
    You though, are the only one who can make the decision for yourselves?
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
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    #10
    From what you've said, I really think you two need to be engaged for a while. You don't seem sure, and you seem nervous about it. Generally your gut feeling is right

    Get engaged first. That's another way to "officiate" your love. Then you can take time, plan a wedding, and get to be sure of yourself and your relationship in the process
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