Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15

Thread: advice on silence

  1. Account Closed
    leiawen's Avatar
    leiawen is offline
    Account Closed
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    3,515
    Blog Entries
    1
    #1

    advice on silence

    Advertisements
    snip
    Last edited by leiawen; 12-02-2009 at 07:04 PM.
  2. Senior Member
    rcwant2be's Avatar
    rcwant2be is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    13,517
    Blog Entries
    4

    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by leiawen View Post
    thanks in advance for reading this NOVEL, i know i am new here and have not yet been able to help anyone else out much, but i sure would appreciate any help.

    haven't been with DB that long, just about two months. about a month ago, after taking a week to make up his mind when i asked, he told me i wasn't single and i thus ASSUMED that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. and that he wasn't single either.

    since my birthday dinner on thursday, he hasn't contacted me in any way. i sent him an email and told him i loved him and didn't want to force anything on him, to tell me if he needed a break, but have gotten no reply... i guess i got mad about that and asked him why he wouldn't add me on myspace , was he embarrassed of me, did he want me to f*** off? no answer... called him and left a message...no call back. haven't tried to talk to him since Sunday.

    i'm having a hard time waiting to hear from him one way or the other. i guess my biggest fear is that he will just ignore me and never talk to me again. i'm just having such a hard time believing that he would do that after we had been going out for two months and been intimate not the man i thought i knew. but it's possible...

    i guess i was just wanting to hear from anyone else who'd been in a similar situation, and if anyone had advice about what i should do. completely forget about him? call him and apologize first for being upset when he gets home from training this wknd? assume he's thinking over the whole "i love you" thing and wait till he calls me?

    sad thing is, i'd held the whole "i love you" in for a couple weeks so as not to scare him off i dunno, y'all. this guy is special, it's been a year since i found anyone who came close, or else i wouldn't be wasting my time...

    dating for 2 months...holding "i love u" back for 2 weeks. to be honest, i think what you have is a very fledgling relationship, if any. i don't believe in "i love you" after 2 weeks. to me, that is more of a sign of a crush-y, immature relationship. a guy who is "in love" is gonna contact you & not brush you off. sorry if this hurts your feelings, but you need to be realistic w/ yourself, and also date someone who feels as strongly about you as you do about them and is going to treat you right, not abuse your emotions.
  3. It took awhile to see the beauty of just letting go
    tifflovezyou's Avatar
    tifflovezyou is offline
    It took awhile to see the beauty of just letting go
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Im in Clearwater Beach, FL.
    Posts
    9,069
    #3
    Hmmm, this is tough.. Is he in a place where he CAN contact you? Have you sent him a message on myspace, so you can tell if he reads it or not?

    Theres ALWAYS the possibility of something happening when dealing with someone in the military. Maybe he cant contact you? Where he is and what his communication is like.

    Second thing-- Maybe he just needs some time. After just 2 months, it may come as a little over bearing. A bit much to him. If you let him miss you a little, maybe he'll realize he loves you too, and wants it to work.

    I would give it time, and hopefully he contacts you so you dont have to live your life wondering. IMO I would rather hear bad news than nothing at all in your situation.

    We're from the country.. And we like it that way
  4. Account Closed
    leiawen's Avatar
    leiawen is offline
    Account Closed
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    3,515
    Blog Entries
    1
    #4
    rcwant2be, thanks for your advice. i just wanted to clarify a little bit, it's been two months and i just told him i loved him, didn't tell him after just two weeks...don't know if that makes a difference but i have been trying to be mature about this relationship. hard for me and my big mouth, though. i tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and it's a hard habit to break.

    tifflovezyou, thank you, too. i also am inclined to think he just got nervous about the whole situation and that's what's going on, what you said makes sense. he's out of town this week but does have his phone, next week he's in the field though, which is why i was hoping to hear from him while he still could talk.
  5. Senior Member
    USNFFG52's Avatar
    USNFFG52 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    USS Stennis, Bremerton, WA
    Posts
    1,683
    #5
    Well for one thing if he truly loves you he will come back to you. Maybe it is the stress of what he is going through that is affecting him like this. Dont think its you OR him for that matter. Take it one day at a time and one thing about the military is this, you have to be patient with communications. There are a LOT of people on here that are going through and HAVE gone through deployments would most likely agree. Do not read into anything he says because that can be bad. I am sure once he is able to call you or something that he will. I am fortunate, my wife is on a good ship and has a good job to where she is always at a computer and can e-mail me 5 times a day. Keep your head up and if this relationship was meant to be then he will come back to you. Sorry if I was a bit blunt.
  6. Account Closed
    leiawen's Avatar
    leiawen is offline
    Account Closed
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    3,515
    Blog Entries
    1
    #6
    USNFFG52, thanks very much. You weren't blunt, don't worry. It's good to have honest, objective views. I just need to be patient, I guess and not create drama. Still working on the whole being patient thing...
  7. Senior Member
    USNFFG52's Avatar
    USNFFG52 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    USS Stennis, Bremerton, WA
    Posts
    1,683
    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by leiawen View Post
    USNFFG52, thanks very much. You weren't blunt, don't worry. It's good to have honest, objective views. I just need to be patient, I guess and not create drama. Still working on the whole being patient thing...
    Well sometimes I do say it the way it is and I have to remind myself that a lot of people are not use to that. You can PM me anytime, it does not matter to me at all. As long as you keep in mind these things, communication and patience, that is pretty much the fundamental things that a lot of military spouses/SO's live by no matter how hard things get. You will be just fine and you are on a really good site for support.
  8. kristyw94
    Guest
    kristyw94's Avatar
    Guest
    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by tifflovezyou View Post
    Hmmm, this is tough.. Is he in a place where he CAN contact you? Have you sent him a message on myspace, so you can tell if he reads it or not?

    Theres ALWAYS the possibility of something happening when dealing with someone in the military. Maybe he cant contact you? Where he is and what his communication is like.

    Second thing-- Maybe he just needs some time. After just 2 months, it may come as a little over bearing. A bit much to him. If you let him miss you a little, maybe he'll realize he loves you too, and wants it to work.

    I would give it time, and hopefully he contacts you so you dont have to live your life wondering. IMO I would rather hear bad news than nothing at all in your situation.


    You did say he was at training. A LOT of times, they get to points in training where they don't have the time to think about getting online to check email, or anything like that. You definitely need to give him some time. You said you didn't wan't to force anything on him, then why are you stressing and panicking after only 1 week since you told him? Don't push, that's the worst thing you could do, if he never comes around, there is nothing you can do about it. You can't make him feel the same way.
  9. Account Closed
    leiawen's Avatar
    leiawen is offline
    Account Closed
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    3,515
    Blog Entries
    1
    #9
    thanks, y'all, for all the responses. thanks kristyw94. yeah, I'm sounding like a bit of a hypocrite, aren't I? you are right, if i told him he could take his time and i wasn't going to force anything, i sure can't go back on that and that is kinda what i would be doing by bugging him. this is why it's great to get outside views. my reasoning all made sense to me in my own confused head

    thank y'all for reminding me about the communication issue as well. just hoping to hear from him this weekend or next weekend after his field X. it helps so much to hear from people who understand about how to deal with the challenges of your SO being in the military.
  10. Senior Member
    phantomlotta's Avatar
    phantomlotta is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Back in CA, and hoping to escape with DF soon
    Posts
    460
    #10
    I also think that you jumped to conclusions too quickly - by asking him if he wanted to take a break, you almost automatically portray that if things get tough with the 2 of you, you will assume the worse, and won't be too willing to work things out. Does that make sense? I have gone 2 weeks without hearing from DB before, but it was because he allowed things to get the best of him, and did not want to discuss anything with anybody. Sometimes, guys just need their space, but know that we are still there for them. So while he was 'ignoring' me, I would send him a text message that just said I was thinking about him and that I loved him always. So he knew I was there for him, whenever he was ready. If I had asked him "do you want to take a break" he would have gotten even more frustrated and probably have broken up with me.

    I think you do need to take a deep breath. 2 months is not that long of a relationship to where you know what he is thinking or feeling - you still have to learn that about each other. And, if worse comes to worse and the guy decides to ignore you, and never speak to you again, then screw him. He wasn't mature enough to be in a relationship in the first place.

    And if you don't mind my asking - how old are you?


    I've been living life, and loving every trial.
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •