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Thread: When to fight......when to give up?

  1. lilolita11
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    Duh When to fight......when to give up?

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    OK.....so i know that being the significant other to a military man is not for the weak of heart....ive been in the game for four years, going on our 3rd deployment, and have a beautiful 3 month old son as a result......but how do you know when to keep holding on and when to let go? The road bumps our relationship hits sometimes scare me. He says one thing like "o i dont have feelings for you or i dont love you or i want to be single when i deploy" yet he takes very good care of me....we cuddle every night.....he has said he does things to make me smile bc he likes seeing me smile basically his actions contradict his words. My heart is telling me to keep holding on and show him ill always be there but my head worries that by holding on when he's asking me to let go ......he'll end up resenting me and it will only make things worse...... ne advice?
  2. Death Before Decaf!!
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    #2
    If you believe in your marriage, then you NEVER give up, and you ALWAYS fight for it.

    (And on a side note, please see this thread ---> http://forum.militarysos.com/showthread.php?t=88295 Thank you! )
    "Wine is proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy."
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    i always recommend counseling first unless there is abuse involved. it sounds like maybe y'all might have a communication problem. i hope everything works out
  4. MoMo
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    I went through this same thing, and for me it took me losing my DH for a couple months to see that I was totally lost without him. But also if u guys fight all the time and u r never happy u might need to let go. U have to do what's best for u and ur baby...and plus if he is not willing to make things work then u r holding on for no reason...just listen to ur heart it will never lead u the wrong way
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by lilolita11 View Post
    He says one thing like "o i dont have feelings for you or i dont love you or i want to be single when i deploy"
    IMHO, if my DH ever said ANYTHING like that to me, I would drop him like a bad habit. I certainly hope your DH isn't planning on being unfaithful during his deployment. It sounds like he doesn't quite know what he wants.

    I hope it works out for you, but I would proceed with extreme caution in your situation.

    JMO, hope I didn't offend.
  6. Dreams come true... I am living mine
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    #6
    Sometimes right before deployment a guy tries to pull away from those that he loves. With the train of thought that if you are not close it will not hurt as much. This very well could be what you are going through

    The best thing to do is sit down and talk. Ask for black and white thoughts and emotions and tell him how you are feeling. Atleast then you both know what you are working with

    Good luck
    DREAMS CAN COME TRUE
  7. lilolita11
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    see thats where i get confused.....early in our relationship we had trust issues... basically i couldnt trust him around another girl....but he has said things like i want to be single because i dont want u putting your life on hold for a year for me n that when he came back rom iraq the first time his mentality was all screwed up......he said he doesnt want to put me through it again
  8. MoMo
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    I really hope that everything works out for u, and it does seem like he is trying to pull away but I hope everything works out
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    I would walk away, honestly. You are not married but you do have a beautiful daughter to think of and I understand that. I just couldn't stay with someone who wanted to play the field while he was gone and then play house when he got back. I couldn't handle that at all. If you two want to date other people while he is deployed, he is fine with it and you are fine with it then go right ahead. I would NOT sit at home staying true to a man who already told me he had no intentions of staying true to me. I'm sorry but what is good for the goose is most certainly good for the gander. How would he react if you said "okay, we'll just both be single while you are deployed"?
  10. MoMo
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