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Thread: need help dont know what to do

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    #1

    need help dont know what to do

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    So I am not sure where else to go or who else to ask my boyfriend and I have been together for 1 1/2 almost 2 years. In that time I have caught him going tinder and taking to women and giving them his number and engaging in sexual conversations and them sending him sexually explicit pictures. The 1st time I kicked him out for a month and he stayed with his daughter. He showed remorse for what he did and show an interest in changing. This time I caught him talking to 1 woman off of tinder and an old girlfriend ( the old girlfriend did admit that she contacted him but he also didn't tell her that he is in a relationship). I also found out that he has been lying to me about when he gets off work so he can sit somewhere and talk to these women and he has also been lying to me about his drinking habits, even though I can tell when he drinks. I am at a total loss of what to do. please help
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    #2
    Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. You gave him a second chance and he blew it. Walk away. What reason do you have to stay? He obviously wasn't truly remorseful the first time and doesn't care about hurting you. I think the decision is pretty clear.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Agusta View Post
    I am at a total loss of what to do. please help
    Kick him out and don't take him back. You deserve better.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Agusta View Post
    So I am not sure where else to go or who else to ask my boyfriend and I have been together for 1 1/2 almost 2 years. In that time I have caught him going tinder and taking to women and giving them his number and engaging in sexual conversations and them sending him sexually explicit pictures. The 1st time I kicked him out for a month and he stayed with his daughter. He showed remorse for what he did and show an interest in changing. This time I caught him talking to 1 woman off of tinder and an old girlfriend ( the old girlfriend did admit that she contacted him but he also didn't tell her that he is in a relationship). I also found out that he has been lying to me about when he gets off work so he can sit somewhere and talk to these women and he has also been lying to me about his drinking habits, even though I can tell when he drinks. I am at a total loss of what to do. please help
    What Sabrina said. He didn't change and it's time to move on.




  5. The name says it all!
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    #5
    Drop him like a potsticker. - Mushu

    DH: Thank you. ME: For what, babe? DH: For being you.




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    #6
    How on earth are you at a loss? The answer seems perfectly clear. He doesn't respect you, and he never will. Find someone who does.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #7
    It's hard because I love and care about him. And I want him to go counseling and I want him to get help for the drinking and I don't want to just throw way the last 2 years. But I also don't want him thinking that he can get away with doing this
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    #8
    You can’t force him to go to counseling if he doesn’t want to or doesn’t think something is wrong. You have already invested 2 years. How many more years do you want to invest in someone who clearly has no respect for you?
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    #9
    This is such an obvious sign of him being a shit bag that you really don't need no advice to think "what to do'. There is only 1 thing you need to do. Go ahead and drop him.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Agusta View Post
    It's hard because I love and care about him. And I want him to go counseling and I want him to get help for the drinking and I don't want to just throw way the last 2 years. But I also don't want him thinking that he can get away with doing this
    You aren't throwing away the last two years. he did that all on his own.

    At this point, to be honest, I have a hard time believing you actually love him. I suspect you love what you used to have, and maybe the idea of him and of who you thought he was before he showed you his true colors. This man has spit in your face, repeatedly. Most people don't love someone who does that. They just love the idea of the future they thought they were going to have, and the man they thought they were with until he showed them his true colors.

    That doesn't make it much easier to leave, of course. You mourn what you through you had. You mourn the partner you thought you were with until he showed you that man doesn't exist. You mourn the dreams and the hopes and the effort invested. That understandable. Perhaps counseling is a good idea, but for yourself, as a single person.

    Also, there's really no way to get back together with him *again* and have him think he can get away with this. Because if you stay with him again, you are very, very clearly telling him exactly that--that he can do this to you and you will stay. What you really want is for him to not want to do this, but you can't make him feel that, and clearly he doesn't.

    I'm sorry. It's so awful and so painful. But the longer you put off doing the hard thing, the longer it is until you are healed, and your heart doesn't feel broken. That is your future. You just have to have the courage to make it happen. Don't wait. There is nothing left for you in a relationship with this man except heartbreak, disrespect, pain, and possibly diseases. You *CAN* do this. You are strong enough. You may feel like you love him, but try to fine love for yourself, and hold on to that. And if you love yourself, you will want more for yourself than this.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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