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Thread: Does not Skype. At all

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    #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    Had has a gap year in the Air Force???
    Maybe this is AF specific, because an Airman I was dating a couple years ago took a 'gap year' this year from the service. It's some type of paid self skill development/volunteer thing that was supposed to help start networking for civilian life. I only found out he was doing it because he got in contact with me and he wanted my opinion on the best way to volunteer abroad. He specifically told me he was receiving a grant from the AF to do this when I told him money is the biggest issue with volunteering abroad.

    *when I say gap year, I think his was only 6months and he's finished it by now.

    Edit: saw the waiting on a job comment. Pretty sure my guy friend had to have his volunteering offer set up before he could just leave.
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    #12

    Do YOU want to sign on for that?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sugarfree View Post
    He is in AF. Waiting on his orders and he had a gap year pretty much,...
    I was thinking maybe he is just so freaking stubborn to not wanna be flexible and do a video call even though he hates it, but still it's not an excuse. Especially when we do not meet for months and months at a time. He says he just hates talking on the phone :/
    Skipping the whole "gap year" issue.

    1) If he is not flexible, he will just LOVE military life. lol
    2) If he is that stubborn when it comes to you, is that who you want to spend the rest of your life with? In a successful relationship you have to do some things that bring your partner joy (even if you find those things less... joyful, shall we say).

    I am not a big fan of video calls (we use Hangouts) but since he is where he is, calls through the web are free and calls through Verizon are seriously expensive so if you are going through the web, might as well video. (Most of the time the video part fails anyway.) I always liked the messenger programs as I would save it so I could go back and read when I was missing him.

    If you are ONLY getting the silent form of communication and that isn't working for you and he knows that-- then you have to ask yourself (not him) if a stubborn man who isn't willing compromise with you on such a simple issue is really what you want to sign up for. Men don't change when you get that piece of paper. A seriously stubborn man who is uncompromising and unconcerned with your feelings and needs will always be just that.
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    Quote Originally Posted by CDNTrish View Post
    Do y'all have a game plan for ending your LDR? Kinda sounds like he's being a coward and pulling away instead of breaking up with you, especially if you haven't talked about moving to be together.
    We have talked about moving in, we are in a serious relationship. He mentions all the time how we should figure things out and move me there and such. So it's not like he is avoiding.
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    Quote Originally Posted by dekeoboe View Post
    I am another one who does not Skype or video chat. Not my thing. So I too can see how if it is not his thing, he is not going to be bringing it up. What would happen if you talked about it and actually set a date and time to Skype?
    That's good to know he is not the only one. I have mentioned it once in the past tbh, and the very next day he asked if the evening works for me to skype and we did it the same day.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    I might be misunderstanding this, but are you mad that you stopped bringing it up and he's also not bringing it up? Because if it's not something he likes doing it's probably just not on his mind. My bf and I are long distance for half the year and we barely ever skype, he's been gone since May and we've skyped literally once. It's not really part of our routine so idk tbh I never even think about it. I'm not a huge fan either, to me it's kind of boring. I don't think it's that weird that he's not into it.

    However, it's very weird to be nervous about talking on the phone? What is he nervous about? And going back to the skype thing, I do understand why he wouldn't feel like doing it but it's obviously important to you so he should be doing it. Like I can't fault him for not caring for it/not bringing it up, but when you ask he should at least be willing to schedule a time for you. You have different communication needs but it doesn't seem like you're asking for anything unreasonable, it sounds like he's taking you for granted and not putting effort in. Or maybe he's losing interest and just going through the motions. Did all this start recently or has it basically always been like this?
    Pretty much, he knows that this is what I want but would not offer to do it. Why don't I just schedule a day you may ask, but, like I said, I don't want him to think I'm being pushy. He has always been like this- even when we lived together he would only call to say something quick and not for long conversations. We do chat a lot in person, we never have awkward silent moments. I get it, we are past the stage when you just get to know each other and ask questions like "whats your favorite food" or "tell me more about yourself' so conversations get shorter but to the point. Nothing wrong with that, I am not demanding to call me and spend hours on the phone, but I just don't understand how would you now miss someone's face? and wanna see him/her when you two are dating for a long time? I know it's possible to go without seeing when you can't, but with so many opportunities its just weird...

    And about the highlighted, I am glad to hear there is couples like us. Maybe I am just surrounded by people who think it's super essential and gets to me. idk
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    Quote Originally Posted by LifeHappens View Post
    Skipping the whole "gap year" issue.

    1) If he is not flexible, he will just LOVE military life. lol
    2) If he is that stubborn when it comes to you, is that who you want to spend the rest of your life with? In a successful relationship you have to do some things that bring your partner joy (even if you find those things less... joyful, shall we say).

    I am not a big fan of video calls (we use Hangouts) but since he is where he is, calls through the web are free and calls through Verizon are seriously expensive so if you are going through the web, might as well video. (Most of the time the video part fails anyway.) I always liked the messenger programs as I would save it so I could go back and read when I was missing him.

    If you are ONLY getting the silent form of communication and that isn't working for you and he knows that-- then you have to ask yourself (not him) if a stubborn man who isn't willing compromise with you on such a simple issue is really what you want to sign up for. Men don't change when you get that piece of paper. A seriously stubborn man who is uncompromising and unconcerned with your feelings and needs will always be just that.
    I myself am not a fan of skyping either. Most of the time internet would not even allow to have a decent uninterrupted communication, but... my ONLY concern here is he does not seem to want to see me?I do know he said several times in the past that he is coping with distance very easily, be it a family, friends or with SO. So I know this is how he is, I guess I just did not know it also means not seeing and not even trying to see.

    Communication other than that is consistent and he is texting me all day and also when it is night time here and day time there. So I have no issues with that, and when I bring up the video call thing he says I talk to you all day every day, he gets a feeling like all he does is never enough for me. Then i just don't know what to say back.
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    #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Sugarfree View Post
    I myself am not a fan of skyping either. Most of the time internet would not even allow to have a decent uninterrupted communication, but... my ONLY concern here is he does not seem to want to see me?I do know he said several times in the past that he is coping with distance very easily, be it a family, friends or with SO. So I know this is how he is, I guess I just did not know it also means not seeing and not even trying to see.

    Communication other than that is consistent and he is texting me all day and also when it is night time here and day time there. So I have no issues with that, and when I bring up the video call thing he says I talk to you all day every day, he gets a feeling like all he does is never enough for me. Then i just don't know what to say back.
    Ok - first I'm not relationship expert so this is just my 2 cents, feel free to ignore if it doesn't suit you because only the 2 of you know what works for your relationship. How long have you guys been together? You said a year in the same country then 2 years in different countries? So 3 years? That's a long time (in my mind) to be long distance and not talk much. Now you say he says you talk all day when you bring up the not seeing him - so my guess is you text all day? Now for me I know text is different from FaceTime which is different from in person...all ARE communication but each have a different significance (to ME). But all say he is taking time out of his day to communicate with you. Now I think maybe the two of you value these forms of communication differently, so maybe the problem isn't communication it's that to HIM texting/Skype/whatever it's all the same, it's communication. To YOU visually SEEING him has a higher value than a text, so by him dismissing your desire to make time to video chat because as he says "we talk all the time" he is trying to say "I do make time for you" and you're not trying to say "you don't make time for me" you're trying to say "I miss you and I want to SEE YOU more often" so maybe the problem is what he's hearing isn't what you're saying?
    I would just try to explain how you feel without saying things like "you don't" or "you never" because in my experience that tends to start a fight, if you use things like "I would like" or "I love when you...I wish you'd do more of that" it tends to work out better. Again just my experience
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    No, it is not normal or common. Not at all. To me, this sounds like something is up. A wife or girlfriend who might hear him talking or be around when you call.

    Any guy not willing to put in the effort to Skype with me or talk to me wouldn't be worth a second more of my time, regardless of the reason.

    Also, is he not in the military?
    I agree. My DB and I are in a similar situation, but when we talked about it, he made more of an effort. To me this strikes me as strange. You should be a priority and he should want to talk to you if you are important to him. My DB makes an effort AND he is a gamer. But he always always makes an effort. Even if it is having Skype up so I can just see his face while he games. To me something is up.
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